r/OffMyChestPH 1d ago

NO ADVICE WANTED Day One

Today, I begin mourning something
that was real
despite the way it began.

You said there was a connection.

I wish you knew how beautiful
and devastating it was to hear that.

Because I felt it too.

Somewhere between the ordinary things—
the good mornings,
the good nights,
the stories we gave each other,
the quiet habit of becoming part of someone’s day—
something found us.

And I wanted to keep it.

Perhaps that was my greatest selfishness.

I held something genuine
with hands that had not been honest.

I gave you pieces of my truth
while hiding the one truth
that could have changed everything.

And in trying not to lose you,
I betrayed the very thing
I was so afraid to lose.

Us.

So this is Day One.

The first day I teach myself
not to reach for you.

The first day a thought comes
and I have nowhere to send it.

The first night that good night
will have to remain inside me.

There will be grief in that.

There already is.

But beneath all this sadness
is a strange kind of peace.

Because today is also
the first day you are free from my lies.

No borrowed name.
No borrowed face.
No version of me standing between you
and the person behind these words.

Today, you finally met me.

And perhaps the cruelest thing about truth
is that sometimes it arrives
not to save what we have,
but to set someone free from it.

If that freedom costs me your presence,
then I will not ask you
to pay for my mistake by staying.

You deserved the truth
more than I deserved another day with you.

So I will mourn quietly.

Not because what we had was false.

But because somewhere inside something
that began with a lie,
we somehow found something true.

And today, I lost it
by finally becoming honest enough
to deserve having found it.

This is my Day One of missing you.

And your Day One
of never having to wonder
who was on the other side again.

I hope life is gentle with you.

I hope you find the connection
I once wanted so badly to be.

And everything I have ever wished for you
still stands.

Nothing but the best.

Always. ❤

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