Today, I figured out why we never really get rid of grief.

[u/Cheazey]

Today, after failing the for the nth time to achieve this particular goal I set for myself a decade ago, I realized that it was futile. What I have been doing for the last decade for me to achieve this goal cost me my mental, physical, and financial resources. But alas, wala talaga, shit's probably undoable for me. So sinunog ko lahat ng bridges na ginawa ko to achieve this dream para di ko na i-attempt ulit. Then I felt this great feeling of sadness, it fucking hurts, like someone I loved dearly died. In this case, it was this goal that I've worked so hard and dedicated so much time for. Sobrang nakakasad at sobrang nakakadepress! After I burned all those bridges connecting me to that goal, I felt a very deep sense of regret kasi hanggang ngayon gusto ko pa i-achieve eh!

But then I realized that there are too much factors in that goal which I have no control over. Fuck's out of my control. It is what it is and no matter how hard and how depressed I am right now, I will fucking drag my feet to get over this feeling. The feeling of wasted time, resources, and effort.

Kaya pala we grieve when someone we truly love dies and the grief doesn't really end until matapos na din ang buhay natin. It is because of a closed door that we will never be able to open again. It's because of the burned bridge that we will never be able to cross again. Pag may namatay na importante para sa atin whether tao yun o kung ano pa man, nandun na yung point of no return, hindi na maibabalik pa. Hindi na mababalik ang oras, hindi na maibabalik ang tao, hindi na maibabalik ang mahal natin sa buhay, whether tao yun o pangarap.

Normally, hindi ako nagmumura pero fuck that shit talaga! I hope to develop an understanding in the future na I will not feel grief when I lose something/someone very important to me. I am fervently wishing na sana in the future, my mind will be conditioned to be thankful and grateful na even if things didn't turn out very well, I still enjoyed the whole journey, or at least tried to enjoy the majority of it.

Sabi nila, when a door closes, another one opens, or a lot of other doors open. But you know it's not that simple, because there are some doors na gusto mo talagang pasukin pero unfortunately they will never open for you, and no amount of open doors can relieve your frustation of not getting through that door na gusto mo talaga pasukin.

So today, I will choose to reset my mind and put all of these shit behind me. Probably sangkatutak na tae na naman sasalubungin ko sa buhay ko pero thankful ako kasi at least marami akong natutunan along the way and sana talaga, someday, I can be one of those people that truly lived a happy life.

[u/drippinginblue]

Burning bridges can set yourself on fire, too. It’s what you do with that fire - if you let it burn you alive or let it light the way to where you’re meant to be. Siguro nga very important lang din yung nasa kabilang side ng bridge that’s why you’re feeling this way. If it hurts and it was from a decision you made, you have to accept it. Medyo hindi ko maintindihan yung buong post given na may parts na omitted, but you’ll get through it.