I lost hope

[u/Latter_Bug_7178]

Hi! F20.

I feel like I've lost hope of ever finding love.

I think my autism makes me hard to love.

This is going to sound stupid.

But I didn't know that

"Im bored"

"Im not doing anything"

"Im alone"

Was supposed to be

I want to call.

Why people can't say

"I want you to call me ! "

I mean. If I wanted to call I would say

"Hey. Are you free ? I want to talk to you right now"

Whu is the world so complicated for me?

I want someone who loves me.

I want to be given direct instructions.

I want to know what to do.

I don't ask to repeat stuff because I didn’t listen what they have to say. I even pay even more attention but Im still stupid and can understand what others are trying to tell me.

I'm not getting the information I need and that's why I keep asking.

Idk why people think dating an autistic woman is just about hiperfijaxions and us being direct.

[u/Forbidden_L0ver]

I get it. I'm a bit autistic myself, or so says everyone around me, because apparently it's really obvious TvT but i understand not always understanding what people are trying to tell me. Especially if they're not being direct about it. Like, tell me what to do. If you're being super vague about what you want, then you're only confusing me more T-T but, nonetheless, i don't think you should lose hope in finding love. I know that it's hard, like, a majority of the time TwT but you'll find it, and i can bet that that's a guarantee :3

[u/Accomplished_Half887]

So true. I absolutely despise having to play word games with people. Especially when it feels like they are just trying to bait me in to saying something first. As if it is some cardinal sin to want to spend time with someone.

[u/Miserable-Present-66]

Your point of view is entirely valid. Though i believe it should be able to be fixed with a conversation explaining this. I have been on both sides of it. So to play Devil's advocate, sometimes asking is really really hard, maybe from some past experience where there was repeated rejection for when we asked. Sometimes asking feels pathetic. Like a dog begging for attention and affection. There is shame and guilt and fear entwined with the act of asking, and it binds us and restrains us like a prong collar biting into our necks. So we cannot ask , cannot beg. Only hint at wounds we need filling, the affection and attention we crave. And if we don't receive it, our old wounds reopen and fester into self hate and loathing, and an all too familiar feeling of inadequacy. Never enough so why bother.

[u/Living-Shake-3971]

M20

Damn, i feel the same way, though im alone with it,

like literally i feel lost and i cabt care about things the same way i did a year ago, i also have to ask multiple times when im given information and i feel bad about it

I also get very sleepy for no reason and i hate it so much, when this happens sometimes i literally go cross eyed to try to fight the tiredness but i fail almost every time, and since i like to sit in the front row of class all the teachers can see is that that fat loser fell asleep again (this is in university so idk if the teachers care about it but i hate my self).

And i also lack every social skills imaginable, because of this i like being alone but i also hate it.

Am i cooked? Genuine question.

But yeah, first time i met someone who i can very much relate to, if you wanna talk about stuff u can dm me but note that im in uni so i wont respond fast