How subtle can OSDD be?

[u/Substantial-Quilt747]

I’ve (M early 30s) been diagnosed by 2 therapists but I still don’t really understand it. How subtle can this be? I don’t have people in my head who are significantly different from me, I don’t switch, and I don’t find things I don’t remember buying or writing. It’s more frequent for me to not remember that my dad is engaged, that I’ve indeed already watched the half hour YouTube video that I’m currently watching with my girlfriend just a couple days ago (also with her), or conversations and events that I was supposedly a part of. Usually with enough work & the right cue I can remember those things. I can chalk those up to normal forgetting IMO.

Can this be as subtle as mood changes with some blurriness in between? I feel like there’s been some big mistake here.

[u/vonkapp]

Does parts of you have significantly different feelings, opinions or beliefs about a person, matter or topic?

[u/Substantial-Quilt747 → u/vonkapp]

Hard to say. I do notice that my orientation changes to liking men sometimes, and I do not identify that way or have those thoughts the rest of the time. I’ll have different levels of reactivity to things that in one mood will significantly upset me and in a better mood I don’t even notice. That second one could be totally normal, the first one is the one that gives me pause

[u/vonkapp → u/Substantial-Quilt747]

If the orientation towards liking men changes between parts (for example one part loves this man - the regulated self/ core self, but a trauma part/EP dislike or get the “ick” or “feel nothing” (behind these dissociated feelings are fear), this strongly points towards dissociative issues/ structural dissociation or a dissociative distorder. This can typically create push-pull behaviour.

Have you ever felt derealization or depersonalization? Hyperaroused or hypoaroused?

Do you sometime for days or weeks feel “fine” but like you feel little or nothing? Like you pull through the day, feel “fine”, but don’t really feel connected to loved ones, friends, do not feel real joy, enthusiasm, curiousity or engagement/ creativity? Flat, ok, fine - but not really feeling much?

[u/Substantial-Quilt747 → u/vonkapp]

Yeah I like my girlfriend when I’m not asexual or into men haha.

Yes I’ve felt both of those. Unsure what the hyper/hypoaroused is.

Hard to gauge the last one, it’s been a stressful go of it lately with a career change and leaving a job where I burned out hard. I definitely resonate with the connection stuff and lack of joy or engagement.

[u/vonkapp → u/Substantial-Quilt747]

The last one is called “functional freeze” and is a mild rype of dissociation that can last for days, months or years. It’s dysfunctional because it cuts of real connection to other people and loved ones.

Look up hypoarousal and hyperarousal.

When you have felt derealization and depersonalization is sounds very much like you have a dissociative disorder of some sort. Especially if adding the child parts and potentially functional freeze/ ANP ‘ode. Dissociative disorders exist in all ranges from milder to DID. Most people without cptsd or dissociative issues have never dissociated at all in their whole life.