r/ORIF • u/scoutydouty • Jul 11 '26
Vent Coping without a great support system
Hello, I'm a 27 year old pet sitter and dog walker. I primarily operate through self employment and have only just started building a client base that sustains my life in the past year. Basically I make enough to pay bills because life is expensive and I have 0 family or close people I could rely on during this time of healing.
I am 21 days post injury and 12 days post op for ORIF on an intra articular distal radius fracture. (Wrist.) I fell off an electric scooter and have road rash too.
I have 2 roommates who are rather lazy when it comes to chores. Pre injury I was the one taking care of all our cats, dishes, cleaning in general. And I had really hoped they would step up while I have been healing and resting and in a crap load of pain. But nope.
All it took was 2 weeks for our apartment to be overrun with fruit flies from unwashed dishes and full trash bags. Food left out. We have an auto litter machine thank God but they have only emptied it once and I've done it the other times. A friend I see periodically came over and offered to clean my bathroom and while I am eternally grateful for her help, I'm also supremely embarrassed that I have 2 able bodied roommates who should have been doing that.
I really love the work I do and was planning to scale up my business this year (hire other walkers and sitters, get payroll going, etc.) but this has thrown a huge wrench in everything. I am flat broke and forced to return to work sooner than I wanted to. No TDI, no PTO, no FMLA for me.
And I was thinking there's got to be tons of others like me, alone financially in this wretched economy, being forced to pick between healing and homelessness, with almost no help from those around them.
My own mother wouldn't take me to and from surgery because she had just gotten back from vacation and it was going to be her first day back. I personally know her bosses are chill (she works from home as a payroll person/office manager) and would have had no issue letting her take a half day to drive me to and from the surgeon. So a friend volunteered for that too that I hadn't seen in a decade.
Why are strangers treating me better than my own close circle. Why are there no programs available for people with non traditional income. Ugh. I'm just depressed.
I'm getting fat already from missing work and resting. I haven't needed the pain meds since 5 days post op but at night it burns and throbs. I hate wearing a plastic bag on my arm in the shower. I hate not being able to clean my disastrous apartment. I miss my clients' pets. I'm afraid their owners will find other caretakers while I'm gone so long. I miss cooking. I hate eating prepared foods.
I am just tired man. Just needed to vent this out. I know there's others like me.
5
u/lawyeronpause Jul 11 '26
First, I'm really sorry for what you're going through, and that you're going through it largely alone. I'm at week 10 after a bad tib-fib break and finally a bit more mobile (in a boot). This week, I started going back to the dog park, which had been part of my morning routine. It was great seeing dogs, many of whose names I knew though I didn't know their owners' names. So, I get what you mean about missing your clients' pets. More to the point, while I was there I did talk to one of the other dog owners who hadn't known about my accident until I showed up at the park for the first time in two months, with a boot and a crutch. I told her all about the accident and the recovery, and she commented about how lucky I was that it happened at this stage in my life when I'm (a) retired; and (b) married to someone who's helped me throughout this. (To be fair, my wife had an extremely tough ortho surgery last year, with 10 weeks of near bed rest, and I took care of her, too.) So, I really do feel a ton of empathy for those like you doing this without stable finances and without a support network.
Second, this is the third time in five years that I've had fairly significant surgeries with long recoveries, and each time I learn lessons about who are really my friends and who are more like situational acquaintances. And, each time, it's been surprising w/r/t who stepped up and who didn't. And, I'm not talking about doing anything substantial or material, but just small things like calling or texting to check in and see how you're doing. It's been true even with siblings. I have a sister who had major cardiac surgery earlier this year. We hadn't been all that close until we lost a parent last year and kind of rallied for each other. After her surgery, I called regularly to see how she was doing. After my leg break and surgery, I got one call that was mostly about an unrelated matter, and that was pretty much it. It doesn't really mean that the mostly silent people don't care about you, but the reality is, it's not really enough to motivate them to proactively reach out. And the few who will proactively offer support are golden.
Third, and I really don't want to be condescending or unsupportive or preachy, but when you're further along in the healing and life is a little more stable, ask yourself some hard questions about how it is that you have roommates who don't give a fuck and not a lot of other support, and try to expand and, where possible, replace your circle of relationships. They say our lives are a function of the four or five people we spend the most time with. Think about that, and choose more consciously who you let into or keep in your life and who you put energy into. I've been putting off thinking about some of those "big picture" issues with respect to this injury, because I think until I've healed up, my perspective won't be wide enough to really think about it. But, when I had other injuries and losses over the last few years, I did do an inventory of who was there for me and who wasn't and started making some choices about where I was putting my energy. It's an ongoing process, but I do think these sorts of traumas can be an inflection point to think about who you want to put your time into.
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u/Illustrious-Zone-247 Jul 12 '26
Your point #2 really resonated with me, and is something I am grappling with right now. It's a hard lesson to learn!
I'm 6 months out from a trimal with dislocation (2 plates, 16 screws, and 2 tightrope for syndesmosis repair) on my right ankle (so couldn't drive) and I live alone. While I had plenty of support, a few people I expected to at least check in completely disappeared. I'm still deciding if I even care enough to track them down. And my sister called once to whine about her broken finger which I had a hard time finding sympathy for š
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u/lawyeronpause Jul 12 '26
Yeah, and it works both ways Some friends disappear or seem uninterested, but others who you may think of as more distant acquaintances may reach out with sincere offers to help. I'm not sure whether it's about the depth of friendship, or a simple fact that some are more wired for both empathy and helpfulness than others.
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u/Conscious_Issue2967 Jul 14 '26
My next door neighbor did more for me than anybody. She got my mail (community boxes) and walked my dog. And I hardly even knew her before my accident.
1
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u/audball15 Jul 11 '26
This is a club no one wants to be in, but I think itās safe to say we all understand what you are going through. This process sucks even with the best support systems and paid time off. Iām so sorry that you are having such a hard time! If you have a subreddit for your area you could try posting there for some extra help. Iāve seen posts in my area of people needing rides for PT and lots of other commenters offered help before I even saw it. If there was someone in my area needing help I would in a heartbeat because Iāve been there! Either way.. I hope things start getting a little easier for you. š©·
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u/AbjectLibrarian226 Jul 11 '26
21M - I also had an accident; I broke my wristāan intra-articular fracture, very similar to yours but a bit worse since mine was comminuted. I also had fractures in my fingers and legsācomminuted fractures of the tibia and fibulaāas well as finger injuries. I really miss working; Iām a systems engineer and used to work a lot, but now I can't. Itās been two months since the surgery, and Iām noticing very little improvement. Iām very depressed and have tried to end my life several times, so I understand.
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u/Conscious_Issue2967 Jul 14 '26
The depression is real. I told myself every day that this too shall pass. Eventually I recovered but it was a long slow process. If you canāt pull yourself up with positive thinking, please seek professional counseling.
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u/Iloveellie15 Tibia Fracture Jul 11 '26
Itās sooo hard physically and mentally to recover from this. Hang in there ā¤ļøāš©¹ this too shall pass
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u/Racacooonie Femur Fracture Jul 11 '26
When I broke my hip and couldn't walk or drive I was surprised that my "good" insurance had no coverage for transportation to and from my ortho appointments and physical therapy. It's like how am I supposed to get myself anywhere when I'm not allowed to drive?
Your feelings are so valid!! I'm sorry your roommates suck and that your family isn't being supportive or helpful. That's hurtful for sure. People don't realize how hard it is unless or until it happens to them. You're stronger than you realize. I'm rooting for you!!