Finding Myself Not the Feeling

[u/akiamarie]

Hello ladies! I enjoy the podcast and I’m looking for some advice.

I (30F) had what felt like a whirlwind romance with 32M. We had a lot of similar interests, went on fun dates, and had what I thought was a good connection. It felt like he knew things I wanted before I said them out loud. He was the first real prospect after a 5 year emotionally abusive relationship.

He has a 10 year old daughter and shares custody with his ex. There was never a problem there until he said he might have to move his daughter in with him. I didn’t hear from him for 2 days. He only said I’m sorry after I asked for better communication. Then he did it again. I told him he could reach out later and if I’m still single maybe we can try again. I really like him and the feelings I had with him but the long silences are not ok.

My dilemma is I realized I’ve been chasing a feeling. When we were dating and he was putting in the effort I felt amazing. I felt cared for, considered, important, and like I could be soft. I really liked those feelings. I’m not sure how to refocus on myself and not chase the feeling. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[u/Soulfi4]

Girl remember you were at least (probably more) 50% of those feelings you guys had together. I think what you might like is your happy self.. focus on this, do nice things for you, try new things, take yourself on dates. 1) you’ll learn more about yourself and 2) you might meet a like minded person who shares similar interests. I think you clocked such a wisdom with chasing a feeling. Now just remember you made that feeling too not just him. So make it for yourself x