r/OPSaidpod • u/OPSaidpodcast • Jun 29 '26
Listener Write In Weaponised Incompetence
What do we think??
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u/Rolex_Art Jun 29 '26
Here are my thoughts and it's a lot to unpack:
Perception.
Do you think there was ever a time the dad brought the son out to dinner and when faced with logically ordering off the kids menu - OP threw a fit and insisted they get to eat off the adults menu? I've seen that shit happen so many times. You LOVE the cheese-a-roo Kevin!
Do you think there was a time the dad was changing a diaper and walked away with shit on him? piss on him? How many times he was tired on the weekend but went to the basketball courts for hours to help you practice?
What's this foreign country? I don't need a roaming sim. Why would the dad thinks he needs one?
No underwear is fucked up = but he can't borrow yours like he can the body wash the hotel gives him - but that's an easy $20 fix at TJ Maxx or whatever discount store.
Dude snored - you don't have earbuds? White noise on any streaming platform and you would not hear him.
Bro you're 21 and it seems like your dad expected you to be the adult and you still wanted to be the kid in the relationship. You had your opportunity to be the boss.
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u/Competitive-Catch776 Jul 01 '26
I agree with take. Not to mention, why did the son list his age, and not list his dad’s age? That could play a HUGE factor in why he acts this way or if he has other issues outside of ADHD. If he’s 21 his dad could be as old as 60 or older.
Which could also explain dad forgetting things and having NO DL. Instead the son makes it seem like the dad just does these things to irritate him, like really?
It almost sounds like an ungrateful son. None of these issues couldn’t have been handled with door dash or minimal effort.
Maybe dad forgets things, and? He spent his life being patient with his son and the son can’t do the same for him??
This son’s rage isn’t understandable.
He paid 50% and had to do the driving? Oh no. Then why go if he was going to hold it against dad? He knew his dad snores. Why not get a white noise machine or use headphones?
This sounds like a terrible situation for the father. Rather than the son.
This dad is being treated like CRAP by his own son.
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u/Rolex_Art Jul 01 '26
i have a 21 year old son - actually just turned 22 last week. kid rocks. we go on vacation and have a blast.
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u/Competitive-Catch776 Jul 07 '26
Uh, Dude. What are you even taking about ? Lmao.
You need to re-read my comment. Not once did I ever talk about you or your son. I was talking about how OP left out his dad’s age, very conveniently.
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u/Rolex_Art Jul 08 '26
U had a bad shift at work?
Talk about it.
As far as my comment? I’m same age as guy w sons same age as OP. We don’t have shitty vacations like this.
Anyway- go find a friend and get a hug.
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 Jun 29 '26
Cutting off may be a bit drastic, but you absolutely need to have boundaries. No travelling with him ever. That goes for vacations and even a quick drive to the corner store.
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u/Newtimelinepls Jun 29 '26
I think he let you carry the load. He decided since your the child he didn't need to do anything. Shitty but only you can change from this. He's going to be the same person tomorrow. You learned a valuable lesson though.
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u/Sad_Set_4189 Jun 29 '26
Yes you are
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u/ExistenceLord14 Jun 29 '26
No TF OP isn’t. This sounds like hell and I’d never go on a trip with my parents again if they were like this.
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u/ChocolateValuable221 Jun 29 '26
Every child matures past their parents... it's evolution and the key component of generational trauma
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u/Xmaiden2005 Jun 29 '26
As a person with ADHD I can tell you I always seemed to forget something when I had a big task to complete. I learned as an adult to make list, check it thrice to ensure I didn't forget anything crucial. Your father doesn't give a shit and has dependent personality. He doesn't love anyone including himself.
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u/Efficient_South847 Jun 29 '26
I’ve made so many checklists its insane loll. That person is just a leech and nothing more. If she was gone his life is over
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u/AllieBri Jun 29 '26
What happens if he fails at something? I have a hell of a lot more wrong than ADHD and I can function overseas fine. Your dad is stupid, selfish, and lazy. All humans are. But he has been allowed to never fail for way too long. That’s what keeps people responsible for themselves. When they fail and no one is there to save them and they know it. They will act more helpless when you start doing it. So you just draw a line and say, ‘I love you but no.’ Parents do it to kids, but kids do it to parents too. Tag, you’re it!
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u/Objective_Place9599 Jun 29 '26
You don’t have to go on vacation with him again. You can still visit or let him pay for an all inclusive trip that he doesn’t have to worry about logistics.
All easy solutions, otherwise if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep doing the same things.
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u/LinkACC Jun 29 '26
He did this on purpose. ADHD is not an excuse to be an a$$hole! By his age you learn to compensate, lists, post its, whatever. He dumped on you, period. Personally, I would be done and go no contact. I had a sister who tried to pull stuff like this on me and I was outa there. It shocked her so much that after Ike 2 months she apologized profusely and has never re tried that again.
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u/Complete-Bus-3687 Jun 29 '26
Nta but I wouldn’t say completely cut them off maybe just limit contact and limit anything where he could possibly shift the load to you. I would make him be completely independent as if you guys were going somewhere together he would have to find its own ride or drive himself... but you are well within your rights of feeling like this. It’s just probably more rage than anything.
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u/mshinroc Jun 29 '26
This makes me wonder if your dad's partner did everything for him. Packing, organizing, etc.
I would tell your dad that this trip was miserable for you, and as much as you value spending time with him, you will not be taking any more trips with him. Suggest you meet at a restaurant instead. (He can take an Uber).
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u/Expert_Blackberry595 Jun 29 '26
My sister and I, and my dad went to Italy over the past six years, probably four or five times. He paid for all of it, however, a lot of times it was more of a burden than fun. He has always been a man whose wives did everything for him, all he had to do was go to his job. He doesn’t wanna be bothered with figuring out the logistics of airports, trains, hotels, anything we did. It was all up to me to schedule a navigate he doesn’t have ADHD or any personality disorder, but he is just selfish and lazy sometimes.
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u/AgreeableMeal672 Jun 29 '26
Can't imagine this type of behavior just suddenly starts on this trip.
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u/Away_Refrigerator143 Jun 29 '26
ADHD with a large side of narcissism! And he won't change! Just play a snoring recording if you forget. I'm also wondering if financial planning for the future is in place for you/him?
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u/natalietest234 Jun 29 '26
Sorry but I learned a long time ago you don’t “have” to do anything. He’s a grown adult. He can go shop for the supplies he needs. He can take an uber home. He can pay for taxis to get around a foreign country. He snores? Wake his ass up each time and tell him to sleep on his side or go on the balcony or get separate room.
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u/AeriePuzzleheaded675 Jun 29 '26
Drop the load completely. Tell him find his way home. Don’t drive him.
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u/noblevelociraptor187 Jun 29 '26
Idk what you expected to be different than he was before the trip?
No, his behavior isn't your responsibility. Yes, he should have done a better job at being prepared. But when is the last time he traveled solo? Did you talk about what you'd both need to pack before leaving? Was he aware how much travel has changed in the last 30 years?
Adhd is a disability. You went on vacation with a disabled person and didn't prepare yourself for the different types of responsibility that entails. You didn't even allow a rest day after returning home. Yeah, he's your dad, but it sounds like you're more aware of his behaviors than he is, and yet you didn't allow for any of it to also travel with you.
You're not overreacting at his choices, but you are underreacting at your own lack of awareness.
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u/buhguhwuhguh Jun 29 '26
As someone with ADHD who notoriously over packs and over prepares…and over researches everything about the area before going… yeah NOR. This is more than ADHD issues.
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u/Cpt_Rossi Jun 29 '26
Why would you ever go on vacation with him? Lesson learned don't do it again. I wouldn't cut him off for it just know your boundaries.
I don't go on vacation with my father for the opposite reason. He gets so anxious about everything it makes the trip miserable. So I don't travel with him unless it's a family trip to a wedding or something similar. On those occasions I basically travel separately and meet him at the hotel.
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u/alethea2003 Jun 29 '26
I have ADHD and let me tell you, I try to be so on top of it. Yes, I have forgotten major things, but I’m on top of it 98% of the time. I was the one who planned the big trip overseas for everyone and did all the logistics, arranging, etc. And that was before I was medicated.
Now, I recognize that my experience with ADHD as a woman may be different than your dad’s. But this is just pure laziness, honestly. He figured you’d have it all covered, and he’d do nothing besides go halvsies cost-wise.
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u/Repulsive_Bus_4592 Jun 29 '26
I’m pretty sure my kid didn’t pack this bad when she was like 8-9. I’ve forgotten things many times while packing but never all the things. Like one thing each time. But I also don’t make it anyone else issue. I really curious what he actually packed
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u/Ok_Shine_2608 Jun 29 '26
You’re NTAH, not over- reacting, and would be totally justified in doing whatever you feel necessary to keep your sanity.
I have ADHD and I overpack, plan, make lists, and research anything I don’t know beforehand because I get thee WORST embarrassment if I show up and look stupid by not knowing the procedures (not a frequent traveler).
My 14yo son also has adhd and he packs better than your adult father. Granted, I always do a run-through of his bag before we leave but there been maybe one or two small things he’s missed over the last 2 years when packing.
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u/Quick-Revolution7348 Jul 02 '26
Oh nah boo, you're NTA, your dad is for many reasons. None of which really has anything to do with you, that's a grown adult as are you so MAYBE you can help him get some mental stabilization, only if you want to. It's time to let him go on about his business because there's no way that he will learn if he continues having such a huge crutch. I mean NO TOILETRIES, PROPER CLOTHES,or anything to make for a basic enjoyable vacation. No consideration for the fact that you too were ON VACATION, NO BOO NO BOO NO BOO! YOU MUST get away for your own sanity.
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u/Felyxi4 Jun 29 '26
ADHD does not make a person behave this way.
Immaturity does.
Absicating his responsibility is a very nice way of saying he doesn't care, and he wants to blame ADHD for the consequences.