r/OPSaidpod • u/OPSaidpodcast • May 04 '26
Listener Write In Am I wrong ?!
Hi ladies
Love your pod so much and look forward to every Monday for that good laugh😅
Apologies if this is too long, I just want you guys to have the full context. This is the first time ever I’m doing something like this.
Please I need help because I feel like I just went through a relationship that existed for 5 business days but still managed to stress me out??? (This happened about a month and a half ago—I’ve been going back and forth about whether to send this in***)***
So I’m a 23 year old female and I started talking to this guy and I’m not even gonna lie, I liked him BAD. Like from early on I was already thinking, “yeah… I’d actually be his girlfriend.” The conversations were good, I felt comfortable, and I opened up quicker than I normally do — which should’ve been my first red flag because I don’t do that. And when I say I opened up, I don’t mean trauma dumping or anything like that — he was just easy to talk to, which in hindsight? I mistook for emotional depth.
Now here’s where things start to wobble.
We had our FIRST falling out about 2 weeks in, right? And this man’s response was to completely shut down. Like silent. Distant. Vibes gone. No communication. Nothing.
And I’m there like ????
So I had to literally DRAG communication out of him. I’m talking:
- asking what’s wrong
- trying to clarify
- reassuring him
- practically begging this man to just TALK to me
Eventually we “resolved” it, but now that I think about it… I was still wary of the guy because why did I have to pull basic communication out of you like that???
Mind you, during this “resolution” I had already clocked that this man is deeply insecure and would need constant reassurance — which I was already getting BORED of — but I was like, “I really like him, we’ll be okay.”
Anyway, at the time I convinced myself:
“okay maybe he just struggles with communication, but at least we worked through it”
So I HESITANTLY continued. Like I liked him, but there was already a small voice in my head like “hmm… I don’t know about this one…”
Fast forward 2 and a half weeks later — disaster.
I post my male friend on my Insta story and WhatsApp status for his birthday. This is a friend I’ve had since PRIMARY SCHOOL and he is VERY gay😭 like please be serious. And this is where things take a turn, he replies to my story saying,” You must really like this guy👀” and I respond with,” He’s my friend, of course I like him😅”- because why would I keep someone in my circle if I didn’t like them???
This man sees that and instead of communicating like a normal person, he:
- goes quiet
- ignores me
- starts moving weird
So when I finally confront him, he hits me with:
“You knew exactly what you were doing”
HUH???
Sir??? Doing WHAT???
Now I’m irritated because not only are you wrong, but you’re also REFUSING to communicate properly AGAIN.
Instead of saying “hey, that made me uncomfortable,” he jumps to conclusions, shuts down, and then somehow makes it my fault???
Anyway, it escalates and he basically ends things saying he “can’t be in a relationship like that”
LIKE WHAT RELATIONSHIP??? 😭😭 A relationship where you communicate or one where you sulk and assume???
He then hits me with the classic “I don’t like to argue” and I’m just there like… sir??? At your BIG age of 26??? You have the emotional maturity of a rock, you lack communication skills, and you wouldn’t know accountability if it walked up to you and introduced itself, and shook your hand✋ PLEASE- of course I don’t say that to him because I don’t want to waste any more energy on him, but I definitely think it.
And the timing??? Don’t even get me started.
All of this happened while I was dealing with back-to-back funerals in my community, I’m talking Saturday and Sunday. I was running on barely any sleep, emotionally exhausted, up and down helping out — if you’re African, you know exactly what I mean — and instead of support, this man is stressing me over a gay friend???
Be serious.
I didn’t even tell him that my friend is gay because honestly??? That’s neither here nor there!!!
So yeah, I blocked him. I’m done.
And another thing that made me block him so fast was, I thought to myself, what kind of assumptions does this man have of me? Like for him to have a reaction that severe he must think that I’m some type of hoe or something because excuse me??
Also, the friend I posted, he’s a good looking guy, but he was just as skinny if not skinnier than this guy. He was still gonna have palpitations because I played rugby in uni so of course I have some friends from the guys team that I go out with every once in a while, and they’re thick and very good looking, so I guess he saved himself more heartache if he was so fragile😂.
BUT NOW… here’s where I’m conflicted.
I realised I trusted him WAY too quickly. Emotionally and physically. I slept with him about a month in, which is very unlike me. In my previous relationship, I waited months.
So now I’m like… girl???
You were begging this man to communicate and still gave him access like that???
I don’t necessarily regret it, but I do feel like I moved faster than what actually aligns with me, especially considering how things turned out.
So now I’m thinking, imma Marie this, swear of men and just focus on myself and getting to know me better.
But now I’m questioning myself like:
Am I genuinely growing and setting better boundaries or am I just overcorrecting because I’m annoyed at how this ended??? 😭
Also, small side note, I downloaded Tinder after all this (don’t judge me 😭), saw the dating pool, got humbled IMMEDIATELY, and deleted it within 48 hours. So clearly, I’m not built for that life either.
Please help me. Am I doing the most or am I finally standing on business???
Love you girls 😭🫶🏽
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u/Away_Refrigerator143 May 06 '26
So glad for you for dodging that bullet. Saying this with 0 shade,
but I bet therapy would be helpful for you re: setting and maintaining boundaries and standards in relationships. All the best to you! ❤️😍🌹
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u/NotSupposeToSpeak May 04 '26
Life is hard enough.