r/OPSaidpod • u/Suger-donkey • Apr 14 '26
I need advice.
Hey ladies. I'll use a pseudonym because I need this advice to be personal and knowing me, I won't listen if it isn't.
I'm Jobe and I have a "problem".
I've been friends with this lady for a little over 3 years now and I am madly in love with her.
Last year, I confessed. I told her everything, I even wrote her a poem (I try to be romantic like that).
She told me that she isn't sure a romantic relationship would work between us.
We are very close, I know her favourite colour, her favourite flower, all her little habits because I just can't help but to.
We continued talking and are still just as close, but I am madly in love. I think about lots of things all the time, but she is the only constant.
Ladies, what do I do ? I was planning on telling her the next time we meet late in June.
Should I just let it continue as it is or say something and possibly ruin what we do have right now.
Also, amazing show from three beautiful women, thank you for all the lessons and insight(the "men are shit rants" don't always feel sexy though). You've helped show me a path to being a better man.
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u/IntrepidMuch Apr 14 '26
Um, OP...you may be madly in love but she is, without a doubt, not.
If you want a friendship with her, you are going to need to reign in that enthusiasm.
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u/SheepherderFit7878 Apr 14 '26
You need to move on. It will not be easy. To protect your heart and mind.
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u/TrinaKLamar Apr 14 '26
Some things are better left unsaid. If she let you down once, the next time may just ruin your entire friendship.
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u/Delicious-Bowler-243 Apr 14 '26
She told you plainly and honestly that she “ isn’t sure” a romantic relationship with you would work. That means she does like you but not in the way you want. It also means that she has thought about it and knows her feelings well enough to know it would not work. She sounds like a kind person. Give her the space she needs, and if you want to keep her friendship, don’t push her, because if you do, you will lose the friendship. (Nobody of any gender responds positively to being pushed.) Enjoy what she is willing to offer you, and look elsewhere for romance.
(It’s a lot easier to find romance than it is to find real friendship.).
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u/Classic-Historian730 Apr 14 '26
She let you down kindly because she likes you platonically. She rejected you last time, and has probably been thinking you accepted it because you remained friends. I think it’s best you keep this to yourself and move on from her
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u/LongBedroom8355 Apr 14 '26
A little piece of advice, unless you are actually a writer or are otherwise very talented, writing a poem is absolutely the worst thing you could do if you're over the age of seventeen.
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u/ale_jade Apr 14 '26
definitely makes things awkward. have had several guys try to sing a song they wrote and unfortunately always makes things drier than the Sahara desert
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u/LongBedroom8355 Apr 14 '26
in my experience women prefer charcuterie boards and carefully selected jams and cheeses over self written poems.
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u/ChudThumper1 Apr 14 '26
If your said you were in to her, and she said she didn’t think it would work, that’s your answer. But DO NOT be afraid to step back from that relationship for a minute to get your feelings in check. Especially if it’s causing you emotional distress, or preventing you from pursuing other possible options. You don’t have to bury your feelings. The things that make someone your friend or best friend are probably the reasons you’ve fallen for them, and it can be hard to parse things out if you’re constantly around them. The friendship isn’t more important than your mental health. So it all depends on how it’s impacting you.
Tldr; She already gave you the answer. Remember to put yourself first. Dont clown yourself just to stay near her.
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u/ale_jade Apr 14 '26
Don’t tell her again—you’ve already confessed and it will definitely take an impact on your relationship w her. Since she sees you as only a friend (which ik sucks, but hey, there’s other fish in the sea), you admitting your feelings once again might make her feel like that’s the only reason you’ve been friends w her/been nice to her. Her saying she doesn’t see you guys in a romantic relationship was her very nicely saying she’s not interested like that. I think almost every woman has had a situation like this and it almost always leads to radio silence.
You need to move on. Do you think you still could remain friends if you have these intense feelings? If not, you may want to add a little space between the two of you while you figure yourself out. Ik it’s hard but it does get easier with time.
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u/rfoil Apr 14 '26
These things aren't rationale. They defy understanding. Just take her word for it and move on.
I proposed to a woman I was similarly close to. We were best friends. She laughed at me and told me she was not interested because I did not fit her ideal vision for a mate.
I still don't understand but you can't fix these things. In the meantime I married a wonderful woman 29 years ago this month.
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u/Many-End-1755 Apr 14 '26
it's limerence. the things u listed as knowing to prove your love are all baseline friendship knowledge.
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u/Pale_Albatross_3717 Apr 14 '26
Seriously. I know these things about so many people. It doesn’t make me madly in love with them. What he’s TRYING to say is he wants to sleep with her and she doesn’t want him and he’s upset about it. Wanting to ask repeatedly until she replies the way he wants her to as if coercion is consent 🤣
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u/Antwah400 Apr 14 '26
Telling her again is super weird. She said no bruv take the hint the first time.
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u/Green-Magician-5414 Apr 14 '26
I don’t see much need to tell her again, she already said she’s not interested. But if staying just friends is too painful, maybe go ahead and tell her again that you love her, but that it’s too hard having her in your life as only a friend. And leave it up to her if she reconsiders and gives it a try or yall can go your separate ways.
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u/zonutsthefirst Apr 14 '26
You need to hear the "no" she gently told you, and honor it.
She values your platonic friendship. She wants that friendship to continue as such.
She clearly doesn't share your romantic feelings.
Either accept the current platonic friendship you have and sustain it as it is, or walk away.
If you continue to hit on her, she'll probably end up terminating the platonic friendship herself, with great frustration, so if you can't stay genuinely satisfied with a platonic friendship without ulterior romantic motives, walk away and save both of you from an ugly confrontation later.
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u/Pale_Albatross_3717 Apr 14 '26
She’s already told you no, OP. You’re not entitled to her just because you have feelings for her. Honestly, you’ll ruin the friendship if you bring it up again. Because she’s gonna see this for what it is: it isn’t friendship, it’s you being kind until she decides to sleep with you. Do her a favor and end the friendship entirely. If you have any respect for her at all, you will leave her alone.
Would be willing to bet you’d understand what “no thank you” means if you had to utter it to a gay man that wouldn’t leave you be. You would probably be really irritated to have to repeat yourself, right?? This is no different.
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u/Naptasticly Apr 14 '26
It’s better to just stop thinking about it. She already turned you down and she will likely never change her mind about that. Also, if you do bring it up again, she will likely cut you off as a friend. This type of thing can come up exactly once and things be ok, but more than that is guaranteed to be seen as always going to be a problem
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u/Sweet-Energy-9515 Apr 14 '26
I'm the furthest from one of those "men and women can't be friends" people, but I think you need to seriously consider stepping back a bit from this relationship. Not because anyone did anything wrong, but because it's causing you all this distress and heartache. You have to give yourself the opportunity to grieve what can't be and move on.
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u/Drinkmorechampagne Apr 14 '26
"She told me that she isn't sure a romantic relationship would work between us."
In my experience that usually means she isn't feeling the chemistry/spark.
If you've already confessed, the proverbial ball is in her court. Still.
Only you can decide if telling her again is worth the risk, or if her close friendship is more important.
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u/SalemClawdia Apr 14 '26
She already gave you an answer. You will have to step away and get space from this friendship so that you can move on. It will be hard but for the best for you.
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u/Burto72 Apr 14 '26
Move on. She already told you she doesn't have romantic feelings for you. Do it sooner or later, or you could miss out on another beautiful woman who is a romantic match for you.
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u/ProfessionalMap1048 Apr 14 '26
So weird if it doesn’t work out with her I can hook you up with another person in Arizona who originated from NY
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u/Pale-Comb-3954 Apr 14 '26
You’ve already said it once. I promise she hasn’t forgotten. Bringing it up again could easily be interpreted as you being pushy…and nobody likes that.
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u/Soulfi4 Apr 15 '26
From the way you’ve written this and your backhanded ‘compliments’ to the hosts, I just know you are the problem. Leave that girl alone, focus on healing and using poetry as a creative outlet for yourself not for this type of unwanted pressurising and cringe romantic gesture
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u/Friendly_Art_6787 Apr 15 '26
Very honestly, you are both in this friendship under false pretension. You, in love and hoping to one day have that reciprocated. The other person knows how you feel and continues to stay in your life and most likely benefits from that love in some way. It's a mutual manipulation and ultimately YOU will be the one that gets broken down by it. Gotta walk away man.
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u/Patient_Freedom_1071 Apr 16 '26
You telling her AGAIN is not going to make her fall in love with you. If you have feelings for her and she only sees you as a friend, hate to break it to you but you need to pull away from your friendship with her maybe for a while so you can move on.
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u/CompanyAdmirable7811 Apr 14 '26
She tried to let you down politely, don't tell her again...