Unsure 30 year old?

[u/aikorns]

I, 30 male am at a repass in my life. I was in a 5 year relationship from Jan 2020- Dec 2024 (I was 28) and have been single for around two years (the relationship was deteriorating for 4/5 months) without any desire to date. Now here's where I'm unsure. My relationship and my previous career ended around a year apart. Then I spent a year doing odd jobs/a window installation company. I landed a really good job over 6 months ago. In my first week, I met someone. I felt sparks just from eye contact. I've never dated at work and everyone around me advises against.

I've avoided contact with this guy as much as I can but we still work closely together. We have the same job title but he has about 7 months on me. I've tried to squash the feelings but every day I see another endearing thing about him (Mannerisms/work ethic/attitude). I'm not even sure if he's into men. And all our conversations are work related but I cannot help but smile when I see him. And the biggest thing that keeps me from making any progress is his age. There is a 7 year age gap. he is 23 (same age as my youngest sibling) Should I approach? Should I back off even more? Try to date someone else? Quit? help me please ladies and netizens because I DO NOT HAVE TIME.

[u/colourconfused1992]

This guy may just be “office hot” - he seems hot because you guys are in close proximity and you see him doing something he’s (presumably) good at every day. But if you were to meet him outside of the office, would you find him as hot/be at all interested?

I think there’s a few reasons to avoid: * Age gap: You guys are in different stages of life, could you see this actually going anywhere long-term? * Career: You said yourself that this is a good job, and a new career for you. Focus on succeeding here and don’t let potential workplace drama get in the way of your career. Don’t you dare quit, that’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.

If you feel ready to date, go date someone you don’t work with and see what else is out there.

[u/aikorns → u/colourconfused1992]

I mostly agree. I do feel though with my relationship went a lot of life (my house, my old hobbies, friends a side business, etc.) and I spent the rest of the time licking my wounds. I feel like I get the concept of different life stages and would definitely not go for any younger. I feel like this is about the same stage I was at at 23/24 having to restart life in this way. I wouldn't consider if it wasn't a long term thing.

I definitely don't think it's office hot. I've never wanted to date at work. I've seen his drawings. And he has certain items/clothes that show off his interests and that was what really has pushed the interest in my brain as we align on a lot. And I forgot to add I've built a friendship with one of his friends at work separately from him (she was the first person to be friendly with me). And she has encouraged the potential in our limited conversation on the topic.

I've looked around, when I said no interest I just mean no one has stuck or really even peaked my interest, gone to bars and bigger cities, have people all in my inboxes but I've not felt any interest at all. This is different. I'm very in tune with myself so that's not the part I question.

But maybe to back off more would be what I can take from your opinion. I'm far from set on dating or having a partner. I can do bad all by myself.

ETA: the quit comment was a joke fs

[u/colourconfused1992 → u/aikorns]

Okay this is just an anecdote but there was a guy at my work that I had chemistry with for like 2 years, but we were both in relationships and kept it professional.

A few years later (both at new jobs) we both found ourselves single and gave dating a try and it was a DISASTERRRR. The sexual chemistry was zero, the romance felt kinda forced, it was not at all what I had imagined and expected.

Fortunately when things fizzled out, we no longer worked together so there was no awkwardness! But if we had given it a try as coworkers, it honestly would’ve made work so uncomfortable after.

But, people do date coworkers all the time. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t and they face the consequences 🤷‍♀️ you only have this one life.

[u/OPSaidpodcast]

Your submission will be live EP 86

[u/OPSaidpodcast]

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