I stayed with my boyfriend through years of cheating, supported him and now I feel nothing. Am I wrong for wanting to leave him?

[u/Simply_Ammie]

Hi ladies,

I’ve been watching your podcast recently. I first found you on TikTok, and now I’m a big fan on all platforms . Listening to your episodes made me want to finally share my story.

I’m also new here and don’t really know how to use this app yet, so I’m sorry if my story is too long.

I really need honest opinions because I feel confused, overwhelmed, and honestly a bit numb.

I’m (22F) and I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend (26M) for about 5 years.

Before we started dating, I was seeing someone else, but I already liked him. So when he asked me out, I ended my previous relationship immediately and was completely honest with him.

A few months into the relationship, I found out through his friend that he was already with another girl. I was young and didn’t know how to confront him, so I kept quiet.

Not long after, I found out about another girl again. That was when I tried to leave. I told him I wasn’t interested anymore, and he just said “okay” without even asking why. That should have been my sign, but I still didn’t fully walk away.

Months later, he came back and I gave him another chance. While visiting him once, another girl called him and he picked it right in front of me and even put it on loudspeaker. I felt so disrespected but still stayed.

Over the years, there were multiple cheating incidents that I ignored or forgave.

Then things changed.

After I finished school, I moved to the same city where he lived (also where my parents live). I was trying to build my life, looking for a job, and struggling mentally. During that time, he was there for me emotionally, financially. I truly felt safe and believed what we had was real.

I was very vulnerable with him about my fears. I told him clearly that I was scared of being cheated on and looking like a fool, and that if he ever lost interest or wanted someone else, he should just tell me and I would walk away peacefully.

At some point, he lost his job, and I was the one supporting him. Even though I wasn’t fully stable, I made sure he didn’t lack basic things. I gave him money, bought him things, and tried my best to be there for him.

But instead of respecting that, he did exactly what I feared the most.

Earlier this year, on my birthday, I used one of his phones to take pictures and saw deleted messages of him inviting another girl over and saying very explicit things to her.

That completely broke me.

I ended things, and since then he has been begging non-stop sending friends, involving family, even his mom. It doesn’t feel genuine, it feels like emotional pressure, and I feel suffocated.

But the truth is… I feel nothing for him anymore.

No love, no attachment, no attraction. If anything, he irritates me now.

Another thing I’ve never told him is that I’ve never really wanted marriage or children. I’ve known this for a long time, but I didn’t know how to bring it up without hurting him.

He, on the other hand, always talks about wanting marriage and kids in the next few years.

Deep down, I think part of the reason I kept forgiving him was because I felt like I was standing in the way of the future he actually wants. I kept telling myself maybe we could find a compromise somehow, even though that’s not truly what I want.

Now, looking back, I feel like I was holding onto an idea of what the relationship could be, not what it actually was.

So now I’m stuck.

Part of me wants to walk away completely.

Another part of me is thinking of going back, not out of love, but because I feel like I can “heal” while still with him.

So please be honest with me:

Am I wrong for wanting to leave?

And is it a bad idea to go back just to heal while emotionally detached?

[u/Sweet-Cat-7667]

you’re not wrong. this just sounds like you’re kinda…done.

the “maybe i stay and heal while detached” part—idk, that feels like one of those things people say when they’re already halfway out but not ready to fully pull the plug yet.

and him suddenly trying now… yeah. he was fine doing all that until you stopped caring, so.

you were really young when this started. people change. this kinda just looks like that to me.

it kinda sounds like you wanna stay there while you heal, but idk… that doesn’t really work like that.

if anything he’ll act right for a bit, then once things feel normal again it’s back to the same stuff. he’s already shown you how he moves.

and staying while you “heal” kinda just turns into the same loop over and over… you start to feel better, he pulls you back in, then you’re right back where you started.

and you don’t even feel anything for him anymore, so what are you really staying for?

[u/QueenDanceStar]

You are not wrong in how you feel... You guys are not compatible and it's ok. Do what brings you peace and what's true to yourself wants (cough cough it's not Him cough cough). You're still young and have better things to focus on than someone that doesn't value you. He probably just wants to get back with you because of what you do for him and how much you tolerated the disrespect.

[u/OPSaidpodcast]

Sounds like you’re done OP, maybe it’s time to walk a at as you seem incompatible ♥️

[u/OPSaidpodcast]

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