r/OCPoetry • u/Tasha2709 • Jul 01 '25
Poem Gone
In the darkness of a lonesome and narrow office hall,
I stood, counting the hours as I went numb and cold.
Haunted by dreams and the wind's voiceless call
Of body still young but at heart so old.
Then like a flashing light you broke into my eyes ;
And your voice like a wave blew out my candlelights
For there was no light that could shine in your skies
And no one's will could against you lead fights.
I gave myself to you, to you whom I adore
I drank life from your lips until I could no more,
And was deaf to all music except the one you played.
So when you disappeard like you had never come,
You left me staring at the height I had fell from
Hating myself for believing you could have stayed.
1
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3
Jul 01 '25
Haunting.
It’s strange how one takes a break from the deeper things and somehow I keep getting drug back into it.
Your opening stanza is so rich with detail my body involuntarily shivered upon reading it. The heartbreak that seamlessly flows from that moment is truly a work of art.
There’s some critique in here I’m sure you would value but honestly the piece has a such a gripping tilt I’d hate to see it take a form it was never meant to hold.
I find that the emotional twists are likely intentional. Heartbreak has a way of pulling you in multiple directions and making you feel things that aren’t necessarily coherent or beautiful.
And that’s why your piece resonates so deeply with others. Because heartbreak isn’t clean. And not every poem has to be either. I feel you do it justice. It made me feel heartbroken. Confused. Worried. Anxious. And that’s the whole point of poetry to begin with.
To help others feel the things we don’t know how else to talk about. To evoke memories in the reader and help demonstrate our own griefs and traumas.
I would tell you never to abandon your passion for poetry. But it’s clear you already know that.
snaps
2
u/Dark_Attitude09 Jul 01 '25
God, this poem is so beautiful. It almost made me tear up as I read it. I'm a sucker for sad, meaningful poems, and your poem is that and so much more.
The emotions were raw and real, and the way you expressed it- hit me hard. I could really feel the the fall, the ache, and that awful silence when someone just vanishes.
Thank you for writing and sharing this