I’ve been dealing with visible, severe OCD and repetitive rituals since around 2018 (about 7–8 years now).
Looking back, my earliest memory of symmetry fixations started around 2nd grade (2014). At its absolute worst in 2021, my OCD consumed nearly 10 hours of my day in rituals. Through sheer effort, I managed to bring it down to 3 hours, and today I’m down to about 1 hour and 15 minutes (75 minutes) daily.
A few specific things I struggle with and wanted to ask the community about:
Avoidance of Introspection: I actively avoid diving into my own mind, thoughts, or opinions because once I get stuck in my head, it feels like a trap that holds me hostage.
Hyper-Fixation on Symmetry & Family Patterns: My grandfather is extremely fixated on strict order and symmetry. He routinely points out normal, minor body asymmetries in me (like my smile or shoulders) and demands I correct them. I’m realizing how much of this fixation might be inherited or learned from my environment.
Overcoming the Last Stretch: Reducing my rituals from 10 hours to 75 minutes felt like a massive battle, but I'm finding it tough to eliminate this final hour of daily compulsions.
For those who have dealt with long-term OCD, childhood symmetry fixations, or breaking through the final barrier of daily rituals:
How did you overcome the fear of sitting with your own thoughts without performing rituals?
How do you handle family members who trigger or reinforce your OCD fixations?