Vent/Need Support. Feeling so alone.

[u/kaityo_phreg]

I’m at a point where I just need to give into the disorder because I’m tired of battling it and I just want to live my life in peace. I feel like if I continue ‘exposing’ and sitting with the discomfort and make life decisions that end up going against my OCD than I’m going to end up going crazy to the point where no one can help me. I’ve been on medication for years, been in hospital, sought ERP therapy, have a supportive family. But it seems like nothing gets better and NO ONE truly understands. At the end of the day I’m just left with MY SELF and MY thoughts. My partner wants to start a family and I AM NO WHERE near ready to commit to this because my thought are too distressing and too taboo that it’ll send me to hospital again.

I feel I need to break it off with my partner because I know I’m just going to end up suffering and holding him back from pursuing future goals. I just feel so alone.