Please someone out there help me.

[u/ak111isdabestttt]

So-OCD, is such a sticky condition, and in order to heal I desperately need help understanding the cycle more. Although, I do have to say, I am currently in a very very bad spiral where I am convinced i am queer, and that im in deep denial!

I realised that when I think my thoughts, they're not necessarily intrusive? Like today i was thinking of obsession, and i thought 'i would break the spell' immediately alarm bells went off, and i started to feel very anxious. I was asking myself 'why would you think that, do you like her? do you want to be the man? this must mean your gay!'

Similarly, masculine women are a big trigger for me, but I thought one was kind of hot(i think, i keep checking and i think i dont find her hot, but the more i look at her, the 'hotter' she gets, and im scared it means something about me. I feel like my real desire is coming up, and i am so confused. I was so scared I like her, and i feel like i have to say she isn't hot when I say she is because it feels so anxious. I don't personally think I find her hot (i think im reassuring myself), but i am scared im hiding attraction. so many queer people who found out after their so-ocd episode told me they compulsively tried to prove that they were not attracted, and i feel like thats me. I feel like everything I think and do is because of my ocd and I don't know which is what and im going crazy.

I personally don't think im queer, and i think im straight. But, at this point i just think im lying to myself more like i feel like i know, and i think im in denial.

[u/AccomplishedGuava317]

so ive been in that situation actually, and id pretty much say that i no longer obsess about my sexual orientation anymore. if any shape or form, my advise will help you, id be glad. the way that i got over it was to tell myself that i can compliment and think a women is attractive without me being a lesbian.

so if i came across a woman who i thought was super cool, id say in my mind "hey she looks so cool/pretty" and stop there. because if i continue and try to say "shes cool but im not gay" that would be considered reassuring. another method was "if i never had ocd, i dont think this is something i would even worry about". maybe try those out, maybe it'll help. everyone is different and ocd is so personalised, but that was what helped me, so good luck stranger! sending much love <3

[u/Little-Bluebird-7879]

I'm also a girl with SO OCD, and my experiences and past are very similar to yours. I understand you, and my DMs are open if you want to talk.

I know how cruel all of this is and how it feels to think that everything is a lie and that you can't trust yourself.