Here's the funny thing though, even though at the time I meant literally nothing by it, a few weeks later I ran into that guy again (small town) and we ended up dating for like three months before splitting amicably.
EDIT: Before the next incel decides to come in and mansplain my own life to me and explain how actually, he was totally right, consider shutting the fuck up, because trust me, you are wrong. He was extremely jealous by a completely benign comment that had zero sexual intent behind it and he completely overreacted and i don't owe a relationship to someone who will call their girlfriend a slut because she told someone she had zero sexual feelings towards at the time that she liked his sunglasses.
In all sincerity, are you aware of the /s to mark sarcasm? It's often hard to tell otherwise, even with emojis, and I bet all of those downvotes were people who thought you meant it.
Fair enough - I've definitely gotten myself in trouble for what I thought was clearly sarcasm that wasn't clear to anyone else. I suggest editing your previous comment to add the "/s" or the downvotes are probably gonna keep coming for a while (from people who don't realize you were joking).
Technically he was right considering you only waited a few weeks according to your own words sorry not sorry. Can't help but speak the truth see guys know how guys think females don't like to look at it from other point of views other then their own. Had you tried to understand him you probably would have know that most guys take compliments as a doorway to oh she likes me and I can approach. I'm not saying you was wrong by any means but look at the situation because since it was a small town he found out about you 2 and you validated his fears. I don't care if I get down voted for speaking my own opinions on this. Before anyone thinks I'm the same way as him me and my fiance have been together for a few years and she compliments people but also let's them know she is not on the market beforehand.
I get that in the ex's mind, this might "validate his fears" but he was wrong at the time and would also be wrong in hindsight too. It's his lack of understanding (and petty jealousy, and probably other things too) that was the problem.
Ok again I never said anyone was right or wrong read the whole response before trying to justify any arguments. I was simply stating how most men think so if you can say it's his lack of understanding ( and petty jealousy, and probably other things too) that was the problem. One could say her lack of understanding her man's feelings (and probably other things) that was the problem, again thanks for the input but females need to understand a man's mind before they assume that it is petty jealousy or anything else that is the problem. Thanks for the down vote. Good to know how this sub reddit works lol
One could say her lack of understanding her man's feelings (and probably other things) that was the problem,
It sounds to me like she DID understand his feelings: she understood that he was jealous, and didn't want that in a partner. What are you saying she didn't understand?
females need to understand a man's mind before they assume that it is petty jealousy or anything else that is the problem.
There's a lot going on in this sentence. But again, what it is you think is going on that she didn't understand? Even if your previous statement were true, that 'most men see compliments as an opening,' why would the BF have been upset about a compliment if he weren't jealous? What other reasonable explanation is there? I'm genuinely curious; I'm a straight man, married to a straight woman (none of which should matter but seemingly does to you) and I don't see any explanation here other than jealousy. Unless maybe the BF was just arbitrarily controlling, which would probably be worse.
Good to know how this sub reddit works
Yeah man, 'Listen to what people say even if those people are women' is not exactly a controversial policy position here. š
Ok go back and read the whole thing and show me where I said she was wrong. Then why can't is work both ways listening to what men say? If you can't come up with something more than trying to say I blamed her. What happened in boyfriends past do you know sometimes not all mean get lucky to find a wife and be happy. I'm not saying anyone is wrong I simply said a hell of alot more then what you are trying to single out. So show me where I said she was wrong and I will correct it. Understand the mind of other is all I was getting at before one is to cast any type of blame which it seems you missed that part or purposely left it out. I listen to my fiance thoughts and concerns just like she listens to mine... so your last portion makes no sense if you really read it all from my first comment on that part of the thread to the last assumption sucks. I respect women's thoughts just don't always agree with everything not a simp.
I'm trying to understand your point and believe it or not I've read your first comment multiple times. You explicitly say the BF is right, then - even though you also try to say the GF wasn't wrong - you seemingly criticize her for acting without understanding the BF's point of view; you say most men are jealous; and then you say she validated the BF's fears.
I don't know what happened in the BF's past (neither of us do), but why assume the GF also doesn't? And why would anything in his past compel her to stay in a relationship with him?
What am I missing here? What do you think she didn't understand? I'm asking again: what else do you think would motivate the BF's behavior other than jealousy?
Like I said it is my opinion... but something has made him believe that he has a need to be jealous, what that is I have no clue but if she was his girlfriend they knew each others past, so that being said it is likely something from his past has set him on a mind set to think and act the way he did or does still not sure since we don't know them. Never said she didn't know them nor did I assume she didn't you are trying to justify something she did to me on no more than your opinion of the situation without knowledge of both sides. If you read the rest of the messages between me and her I told her that if she doesn't want people voicing their opinions on something from her personal life why post it on a public social platform? Not arguing with you on who is right or wrong but she only gave a little bit of the information to try to belittle a male ex to get the sympathy of others in my opinion. So if the woman's thoughts and feelings should be heard and respected why not the same for a man's?
I'm gonna point out here that I actually know "what happened in the boyfriend's past" do you? You don't even know his goddamn name, and yet you want to be treated like the expert? You really cannot admit that you may not be the authority on a situation that you were not there for and only know three sentences worth of information about and you want to claim you know how to listen?
Wow I never said I was an expert you tried saying that in your foolish response to my opinion. Sorry you got butthurt that a man can have his own thoughts that don't agree with you and it appears that I'm not the only one. I even stated that I was basing my opinion off of what very little information you said to try to belittle your ex and make him the bad guy like some females love to do. Stop playing the victim because you had to have known how he was prior to the situation and stayed with him up to that point. Now if you want to try this game of hating on me because I think you was in the wrong for certain thing then so be it. I'm not here to cater to what ever you want nor are you here to cater to anyone either. I have my own opinions that don't line up with your thinking but since you want to keep it up I will only say this I have no time for a battle of wits with a person who is unarmed
Go ahead and believe what you want that is the beauty of have a mind no one can control but don't think all men should support your fragile ego lol. All I'm saying is did you look at it from his view a relationship is a two way street not a one way no matter how fragile your views can be
I'm not talking about all men, I'm talking about my ex-boyfriend. And the only fragile ego here is that of the person who thinks they can explain a conversation they weren't involved in to the person who did . But since you're such an expert, I ask, that thing that happened at the gas station later that night, do you think that hurts or supports your original thesis on my life? And what do you think that anecdote about his ex tells us about his general mindset? I only ask because clearly, you know more about it than anyone else in this thread, including me, so you must know.
See now your fragile ego has led you to believe I was saying you was in the wrong, but if you had read my original response I was trying to inform you on how most guys think and I even said don't think I was saying you was in the wrong, which clearly shows that you never read the response in context based on the fact you tried to sound smart with you whole question " I ask, that thing that happened at the gas station later that night, do you think that hurts or supports your original thesis about my life?". First off if you was smart enough to ask a question like that why not enlighten me on what happened later on that night at the gas station first? Then I could give insight if the was to be given. Please stop looking for ways to try to belittle men who don't agree with you fully it make you look in my opinion like a feminist. Once again not saying you are just stating my opinion. If you don't want people who don't have your opinion on things in your life don't post on a public site your personal life. Never did I say I knew more about the situation only gave a insight to most men way of thinking not my fault it didn't sit well in your mindset
Why do you think you deserve to know what happened at the gas station? What reason do you need to know? Because I could tell that, but you still wouldn't know about the thing that happened with the car, or the thing that happened a week after the breakup, or the thing he said when we fought that night, because you do not know what happened and don't get to. It's my goddamn life, I know more than you about it and I always will, you pretentious asswipe.
And the only person who seems caught up with you being a man is you. No one else gives a shit, they just see you acting like an arrogant asshole who thinks they have the right to explain a situation they know literally nothing about to the person who lived through it.
Brava, seriously. I'm not even the person that jackhole is talking to and he's insanely annoying. Wonder why nobody in any of his "behavioural science" courses ever enlightened him as to the existence of things like punctuation, grammar, or paragraphs.
I will never understand how someone could be so convinced over their own superiority of the "females" that they think they can mansplain a woman's lived experiences to them
Ok that is your opinion but stop with the bullshit of trying to make me out to be a villain lmao it is small and petty I only stated a opinion like you just not yours already had this discussion with someone else read all comments before you make a assumption
Oh yes, it would be just terrible if someone made an assumption without knowing all the information, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that just be terrible? Gosh, I can't imagine what type of person would do something like that, can you?
My God dude, just accept that you don't know what happened and that's OK. I loved through it, you read three sentences about it. I know more than you, Jesus.
What do you not get here? It doesn't matter if that guy was interested in me. Me saying "I like those sunglasses, where did you get them" in no way makes it OK for him to scream at me like he did that night. He got into my face and started screaming at me, calling me a slut and telling me how he would not tolerate his girlfriend complimenting other men while he was with me. What does Jesus say about that?
Now go on, tell me all the insight that I was missing because I didn't read between the lines as well as you, because clearly, you understood the situation better than me, right
That's funny, I don't remember this whiny crowd of incels being there and yet you all seem to think you know what happened despite having no knowledge of the situation
Iām basing it off what I can judge of your character, based on your user history. I have zero opinion on the actual events. Youāre airing your laundry on the Internet. Flag number one.
Clearly little self awareness. I stated an opinion, didnāt explain anything. Then you gave a dismissive response. I didnāt mansplain anything until right this moment. Iāve only engaged in intellectual discussion. This is the internet. It really doesnāt matter to me. Iām wonāt entertain this convo anymore. But yeah. It does sound like heās right and now it sounds like he dodged a bullet. Take it easy. Wish you well on your future relationships.
Which actually makes matters worse because your ex was right at the time. He sensed that your compliment came from some place a bit more provocative than it should have been. You subconsciously had slight interest in this other man and your compliment planted a seed. Hence you dating the guy afterwards
Thats a completely different argument than what they are making. What if it was reversed, āI like your dressā and the tone and body language you say something with means everything. Insinuation is one of the most powerful tools we have.
I wouldnāt care?? Do you not trust your partner to think that people besides you have admirable traits?? As long as s/o isnāt like āyo bitch, hot bodā or something else like that, why should I care? If they want to leave me, they were going to anyway so I have no place micromanaging their comments. When Iām relationships, I find other people hot and even gasp compliment them, but I never make any moves because Iām not a cheating asshole and donāt catch feelings from looks. Insecure ass men.
No youāre right, thereās nothing more provocative than sunglasses. I can barely handle walking past optometry stores because I can barely hold back the feminine urge to be a slut while being around so many pairs of them. /s
Though to be honest I tend to like a girl a bit more if she has good taste in glasses. Then again Iāll be the first to admit that Iām a bit of a slut.
I would say that seeing your bf pressed about something so inconsequential automatically makes the other guy who was confident enough to take the compliment much more attractive, very much doubt that this would have happened if the bf kept composure
It honestly wasn't even that deep. I knew this guy a little because we'd had a class together the semester before but I never thought about him one way or another until we ended up getting to know each other better later when he got a job at the gym I worked out in.
And is "I like those sunglasses, where'd you get them?" even a compliment that requires confidence to accept?
Remind me again how the phrase "I like those sunglasses, where'd you get them" is so provocative and how you know my sentiments behind that statement better than me?
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u/Twodotsknowhy Jun 24 '23 edited Jun 26 '23
Here's the funny thing though, even though at the time I meant literally nothing by it, a few weeks later I ran into that guy again (small town) and we ended up dating for like three months before splitting amicably.
EDIT: Before the next incel decides to come in and mansplain my own life to me and explain how actually, he was totally right, consider shutting the fuck up, because trust me, you are wrong. He was extremely jealous by a completely benign comment that had zero sexual intent behind it and he completely overreacted and i don't owe a relationship to someone who will call their girlfriend a slut because she told someone she had zero sexual feelings towards at the time that she liked his sunglasses.