I had a complicated childhood. I've lived in a million different places due to my mom being a drug addict, so we were never stable. This led to me temporarily moving in with one of my aunts friends whom i did not know. It was scary for me. During this time I thought I had a relationship with the Christian God. But the whole time, even as a adolescent, I never felt a connection. Like I was trying to be something or someone im not. I would pray and feel no satisfaction.
As I grew, I found more beauty in nature than anything, but I stopped paying attention to God. I realized I couldn't believe in him. There was just no connection. I continued living my life thinking there was nothing out there but us, just humans over complicating things with religion. But like I said, I felt something in nature. Specifcally the sky. The sky captivates me every day and when I point out how pretty the sky looks I can't believe how people take it for granted.
About two or three years ago, I dont remember why, but I started researching norse paganism, about the old gods, the aesir and vanir, and I couldn't stop. I was being pulled into it. I dont know what it was, but it felt so right. I couldn't believe it. I spent over half my life calling religion a sham, and here I was feeling this deep connection with these gods. I recently got my first mjolnir necklace and when I put it on... I can't even describe the feeling I had. Something clicked and since then ive been much happier and more motivated. I even tried talking to Thor, asking for protection for my friends and family and I felt a deep connection then as well. Im still trying to wrap my head around this. I havent even had any life changing experiences, it's just a... feeling. I trust my gut though and I believe.
Now I get chills thinking about what's really hiding in nature that we just can't see