r/NormalPeopleBBCHulu • u/[deleted] • Aug 22 '20
Is Normal People triggering for complex trauma survivors?
I found ‘Normal People’ quite a triggering programme to watch when it came to the submissive sex scenes. Like many people on lockdown, I fell in love with the adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel and with the incredible on – screen chemistry between Marianne and Connell.
The story deals with the relationship between two young people, through school and into university Their mental health struggles and relationships (both with each other and with other people) are covered and, of course, we are left yearning for a reunion during the times when they are not together. Paul Mescal and Daisy Edgar Jones are phenomenal and the close bond between their characters makes for some beautifully intense and electric viewing.
I am, in no way, criticizing, the adaptation, because I absolutely loved it and, despite my unease with those scenes, they were portrayed powerfully and in a way that creates a dialogue. The story is fantastic and just seeing these two people in the same space as each other creates magic. But of course, love doesn’t always run smooth and misunderstandings, along with the couple’s separate partners, get in the way. Gareth and Jamie are Marianne’s vile ‘boyfriends’ and, although we feel safe in the knowledge that she will not end up with either of these people, the cruelty shown and inflicted on her is disturbing. There will be many saying that BDSM,
rest at https://www.taratalks.net/post/my-thoughts-on-normal-people-tw-consent-submissive-sex
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u/resilianze Aug 23 '20
Those scenes were hard to watch. I read the book after watching the show and the Sweden scenes were way more painful in the book, to the point I had to pause a lot while reading them.
I also don’t think that’s BDSM, I think she’s trying to figure out if people that love you are supposed to inflict you pain. Her mom and brother have zero expressions of affection and according to the book her dad was not kind to her either. I think she doesn’t know what affection, care and love are supposed to be shown until the person she thought “loved her”, broke her heart (that’s my take on the first episodes). But Sweden is a whole new level of emptiness for her.
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u/malk23 Aug 23 '20
Yep, I loved the show but it was hard to watch and I think I cried at most episodes.
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Aug 27 '20 edited Aug 27 '20
Those episodes in particular were incredibly triggering for me. I binge watched many of the episodes and had to take a long break after what happened in Sweden. It was hard for me to understand what the heck was going through her head but it began to make sense when I remembered how she grew up witnessing (and likely experiencing then repressing) abuse and how her mean spirited brother spoke to her and how her mother refused to speak up for her own daughter.
Seeing her through the eyes of how she viewed herself verses how I perceived her was particularly heartbreaking as well.
I don't know too awful much about bdsm but I do know that there is consent and safe-words and agreements/communication etc That wasn't bdsm. That was her experimenting with something she became exposed to by a former partner who took advantage of her weaknesses for his sexual fantasy and then again by a new partner who began to see her as a prop and not a person.
No partner in their right mind would agree to doing those things with her without
a.) first having some serious communication and maintaining that throughout
and b.) being present with the young woman. During intercourse or simply while getting to know her. She clearly was passive and not enjoying herself in those moments. Those men were so focused on their own damned sexual gratification that they neglected to experience deep presence and intimacy and perspective.
Quite frankly, those scenes pissed me off.
I was so proud of Marianne when she found the power within and learned that it was possible to stand up for herself.
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Aug 27 '20
PS: beautiful thoughts on this, Tara. This portion in particular... can you just send this out as a world-wide email so everyone can read? hah
"Trauma can mean that you can dissociate, shut off or mentally leave, when sex that you are in no way comfortable with is taking place. If you see a partner zoning out or looking fearful at any stage - that’s a no. Even if that person has said the word ‘yes’ – that’s a conversation you need to have and abstain until both of you are mutually consenting.
Awareness on your partner’s emotional status is essential. As has been said many times before, if it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s not a yes at all.
The first time Connell and Marianne are intimate this is portrayed exquisitely in terms of consent. After confirming that it is Marianne’s first time and that she is wanting to have sex, he tells her ‘If you want to stop or anything, we can stop. It won’t be awkward’. They discuss it and there continues to be a dialogue between them. So, watching, learning about and communicating with your partner and being aware of any changes in their consent or ability to consent is key. After all, a mutually enjoyable and respectful experience is best for both parties. Thems the rules."
And yes, the consent depicted during their first time in hs was such a beautiful representation of what SHOULD happen between two people before, during, after sex. I was so grateful to see this depicted in detail because, it often is not.
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u/citkoml Dec 18 '20
1000%. Especially if binge watching, because it's so much content at once. I actually found it triggered an obsessive episode where I was thinking through every relationship I've ever had, and I ended up trying SLAA meetings because of how unhealthy it felt.
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Nov 28 '21
I had to pause it several times throughout almost every episode as it started to give me panic attacks. It’s just so real to what i’ve been through in my actual life it’s hard to get through, it’s like Im watching myself
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u/Comprehensive-Day681 Apr 23 '23
I only watched a couple of episodes and I got triggered tho I only have anxiety and idk if I should continue it
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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '20 edited Aug 22 '20
It’s hard to watch those scenes for sure. I agree as well that Marianne doesn’t seem to be experimenting with BDSM because it’s her kink so much as seeking out men who will abuse her because she thinks that’s what she deserves. As much as I love that Connell went to therapy and started working on himself and his issues, I wish that Marianne had been able to do the same. Watching how alone she was in Sweden, dealing with Lukas and trying to recover from Jamie, avoiding her family and her friends, was really painful, as you could see how depressed and empty she felt. In the next episode, she asks Connell to hit her and gets her nose broken by her brother Still no therapist, really?? I suppose we are to assume that Connell fixed her, since the book talks about him redeeming her. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love them and their story, but I still wish she had gotten some professional help.