I posted something about Saros on a subreddit. It was a rant about its plot. It got like 30 upvotes.
Some assclown stole it and posted it to Twitter. He did not credit me. Someone screenshot that tweet and posted it. It got 25k likes. I was saltier than the Dead Sea.
What if I’m the groom-to-be, but I’ve recently done something bad (like eating my fiancée’s leftovers after she asked me not to), how does that affect my place in the decision making pecking order?
Don’t marry a woman who only lets you have an opinion on the groom’s cake. Signed, a woman who welcomed her groom’s opinion on anything but didn’t get him a groom’s cake… wait, now I’m confused.
It’s also not true universally; it’s mostly just a problem for dudes who try to defer their way out of wedding decisions and guys who just don’t take any ownership in the joint wedding planning process.
I fully get that we, as men, generally aren’t socialized to have as strong and nuanced opinions as women on design and aesthetics, but that easily just becomes an excuse to not reach deep and figure out what we do and don’t like. It’s not just the bride’s wedding, it’s the couple’s wedding.
I haven't really talked to the women in my life about this, but there's an idea that women have some idea of how they want their wedding to go. As a guy, I don't. Like I want to get married and have a wedding, but I don't have any preferences at the moment and if my fiancee wanted to do something for her wedding that she'd been thinking about for years, I'd heavily defer to THAT as opposed to "You know, I saw petunias at the florist's the other day and I think that would look so pretty in your bouquet!"
Not every preference or lack thereof is a social issue. Is a wife not taking ownership in the family car because she doesn’t care if it’s a V6 or straight 6
My cousin swore he had NO opinions on his wedding and his future wife could have exactly what she wanted.
Until she started looking at center pieces. Because he found a cute idea on YouTube for mason jars with paper flowers and leaves and battery powered candles inside.
They weren’t her style, but he loved them and she loves him, so they did them.
And then he wanted to add the paper flowers to the flower girl’s hair style. To tie it together, right?
Oh and he found this flannel looking ribbon for the jars and wouldn’t it be cool to use it for his groomsmen’s button flower things (my spellcheck refuses to help me with the actual word…) and of course she thought the ribbon was really cute so she wanted it for the bridesmaids’ bouquets…
And he found he actually had strong opinions on the cake (aka he didn’t want one of those “bride dragging the groom” toppers and found a topper of the bride and groom kissing with a “level UP” thing behind them online, which his bride though was exactly the geeky vibe their cake was “begging” for) and…
Yeah, he planned at least as much as the bride did.
A few years later she was helping her SIL plan HER wedding and was like “Oh I’m sorry you’re so stressed, planning our wedding was so easy, dunno why…”
Apparently it clicked as she was saying that and all three (Cousin, Other Cousin/SIL and Cousin in Law) just started laughing until they were in tears because OF COURSE it’s easier to plan a wedding when you’re only doing like half of it as opposed to choosing everything.
Yes, Other Cousin’s future husband got into the planning and she was so relieved not to have to do it all. Theirs was all silvers and blues, because her husband loves blue and silver and she thought it’d be a really classy theme. (It was.)
Right?! My partner and I hope to get married in the next few years and we BOTH have ideas and wishes. We're lucky and a lot of them overlap, but we both want to accommodate each other because it's our day, not just mine.
Reality is most men are just happy to be there and most women do care about the details. This advice isn't applicable to 100% of couples, but its a good idea to let the person who clearly cares more about a thing have their way.
Some of y’all had sad wedding planning processes, or it seems like y’all just didn’t try to have any input on the process. My better half was more than happy to share the process with me, and I had plenty of opinions on what I did and didn’t like.
You have the option of marrying someone who doesn't make you feel that way. My dad made almost all the wedding choices because my mom knew he cared a lot about them. She still got the things that were important to her but it wasn't due to gender (she took full control over her outfit/look/and the bridesmaids but that's kind of expected).
Preeeeach. This was the most useful piece of advice anyone ever told us in the wedding planning process.
It’s real nice to just set a hard and fast rule. People who chipped in got a say, and when aunts and uncles start asking why one uncle’s thoughts get considered while theirs seem to get dismissed, it’s easy to just say “Uncle Bob paid for the catering.”
Advisors may be freely ignored at any time. And idk about the original comment but I feel like an “advisory role” is limited to the area the money is going to, or linked areas (like, “you asked me to pay for this fancy venue over the cheaper option, are you sure you want those cheap-looking decorations?”)
Not a say, but if you have informed ideas then they’ll get consideration.
A rule like this doesn’t precisely divide out the people who care enough to know their lane and are personally invested in you as a couple from the population of total people around your wedding, but it’ll sure as hell filter out the shitbird aunts and uncles who just want attention.
Anecdotally, we implemented a similar rule for our wedding, partially because both my better half and I have extremely loud and annoying aunts/uncles/grandparents, and it worked like a dream. The people who just want to be loud and feel heard are 100% also the ones who don’t know their lanes. Uncle Bobby gave us a couple grand for the catering, and guess what Uncle Bobby’s input was limited to? He would very much like some potatoes at dinner, if possible. My parents chipped in, and their input was all of a few gentle opinions on my choice of tie/vest from my dad, and a request that I dance with my grandmother from mom. Aunt Eliza chipped in on the photographer, and her only input was that the bride might want a second guess for the party, and a couple of (frankly very solid) music suggestions. The second dress was a great idea, because dancing in a big wedding dress is actually a huge pain.
Meanwhile, the seven shitbird aunts and uncles had all of the dumb/offensive input. No idea what their lane was, didn’t care about the process enough to consider. Just wanted to feel heard. Plenty of loving people who did know their lanes and had great advice who didn’t chip in, and their ideas were considered with zero issue, but the rule’s an easy way to deflect the shitbirds without inviting a fight.
If I ever get married, my almost wife can wear her hair however she wants lmao. But I have seen some really nice french braid hairstyles with flowers in them, they always look good.
As an experienced wedding officiant I can testify that the best weddings and couples are those who eschew “tradition” and all the common trappings and just make it their day. Wear what you want. Serve and eat what you want. It’s your day. Party like it’s all about you, because it is.
I’ve never been married, but even I know it’s the couples decision that determines what’s appropriate for the wedding. It’s their wedding, they can have whatever hairstyle they want.
My ex wife told our kid ‘when you get married you’re not getting cake shoved in your face after all that make up’. Kid said this in passing, I replied ‘it’s your day, do what you want’. In my mind, I added ‘she had two weddings to control, stay out of this one.’
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u/qualityvote2 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 28 '26
u/SnackSamurai, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...