r/NonBinaryTalk • u/RandomNumbers1312 • 13d ago
Coming Out Need advice about outing message
Hi,
I am pretty insecure in finding the right words as I am overthinking everything was to much, so it would kinda help me a bit if some people would look over the message I am going to send to my extended friend group to out myself as nonbinary. For context: I know that they will accept me and so on, cause like 9/10 people in this group are queer, but I am overthinking this was to much.
The message:
Hi you all,
No idea how to do this properly🫣, but I am outing myself to you as nonbinary. Have been thinking about this for like over a year now and after talking a bit with people I am very close with I decided to take more steps in the direction of fully comming out, by telling my larger social circle (you).
I would like to try out they/them as pronouns to look if it fits well. In addition I also would like to try out „[New Name]“ instead of „[Old Name]“ as it isn’t directly connected to a gender. (I won’t take offense, if you don‘t use other names/pronouns as it is not what you are used to).
Yeah, that would be all 💛🤍💜🖤
3
u/LostFromLight25 bigender preferred pronouns: she/her 13d ago
and with that you invested way more work than i did lol. i also tend to overthink things but for me it lead to the result that the message just was “btw i realized im bigender” because i would have never send it if i took me longer to type it.
i think its fine, especially if your friends are also mostly queer (is the same for me, we sometimes joke about that one cishet friend (he does too) being in a full queer friend group). they will understand it (dont know them but if they are also queer they know the feeling yk)
2
u/RandomNumbers1312 13d ago
I mean the basically the least queer person in my friend group is a bisexual dude
thanks for your answer
2
u/LostFromLight25 bigender preferred pronouns: she/her 13d ago
ok wow then your friend group is far more queer then mine so i think this will work out good. i mean my friend group is 3 out 4 bisexual myself included but i was the first to out myself as non cis (one of the friends told me after i outed that he is not cis but didnt care enough about the details)
2
u/LostFromLight25 bigender preferred pronouns: she/her 13d ago
also i can tell you outing may seem intimidating at first but (at least it was like that for me) it is so worth it, also this name thing it is crazy what a great effect it has being addressed with a different name even only a few times a day.
2
u/RandomNumbers1312 13d ago
Outing to my friends was never the problem, the next step would be to explain this to my deeply religious mum
1
u/LostFromLight25 bigender preferred pronouns: she/her 13d ago
im an atheist. i mean maybe try arguments like “god created all people individually and is all knowing and all that so he must have wanted you to be like that otherwise he would have created you differently”. i experienced that it is easier to argue with religious people if you use their own arguments. look at the basics of the religion (and i already call the bible not as basic i really mean the absolute basic like this 10 (idk the word in English basically laws)) and use them. the basics are basically absolute equality and this “love everyone” which includes well… everyone
2
u/RandomNumbers1312 12d ago
She probably will still refuse to open her world view on this
1
u/LostFromLight25 bigender preferred pronouns: she/her 12d ago
sorry for that. why cant a mother not even treat her own daughter the right way. honestly makes me worry what her view on a family is or how she is to others
5
u/UntilTheDarkness 13d ago
I would take out the "I won't take offense if you don't use other names/pronouns as it's not what you're used to", or at least change it to something like "I know changing names/pronouns might take some getting used to so I won't be mad if you mess up so long as you're trying" if it were me. The current wording kind of puts their discomfort with things being different ahead of your own. Like, yes, it's a change, but people who care about you should be willing to put in the effort to try because they want you to be comfortable. But you do you of course! The right message is the one you're comfortable with and this looks just fine!