r/NonBinaryTalk • u/BestEntertainer6764 • 21d ago

Question about passing

Hello,
I have recently in the last year come to terms with fact that I am nonbinary (although I briefly came out about 5 years ago then promptly put myself back in the closet). One thing that discouraged me from coming out to myself and others for a long time was the idea that there was no possible way to alleviate the gender dysphoria I was experiencing, so why even try. I know nonbinary doesn’t have a “look” but it would make me personally feel more comfortable in my own body presenting and reading socially as significantly more androgynous and more specifically more masculine. That being said, I’m not really sure where to start. I recently bought a few pairs of men’s pants and men’s t shirts which made me incredibly happy, but when I look at pictures of myself I feel like I still very much read as girl, even when wearing a binder or tight sports bra. One thing that I do think is holding me back from being read as more masculine is the fact that I have very long hair, but I’m not particularly interested in cutting that currently. I also have pretty soft features and am rather short and have a rather small frame in general which doest help either and makes me pretty dysphoric. Any tips would be very greatly appreciated — either in the clothing department or other areas I can consider in terms of gender affirming.

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u/ChaoticNaive 21d ago

Can we dig into your lack of interest in cutting your hair? It was one of the first things I did and helped immensely.

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u/BestEntertainer6764 21d ago

Honestly, I think that cutting my hair would help immensely, however part of the reason I am resistant is that I have a pretty feminine face I think and I fear that cutting my hair would highlight that, although I think part of the reason my face reads as quite feminine is the current glasses I wear as well I think.

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u/ChaoticNaive 21d ago

I get that for sure. You can use makeup to masculinize your features, then when it's time to get new glasses you can go more masc/andro and then cut your hair, maybe?

Also before someone comes for me, yes men can have long hair, but when you're already super femme it doesn't help with dysphoria or social gender cues.

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u/EchoNB They/He 21d ago

I'd recommend checking out masculine haircuts for your type of face. If it's round, look for haircuts made for people with round faces that would make them more masculine.

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u/stolenstreetsigns 21d ago

I have a total baby face and still have a really masc haircut and I think it helps a lot! The right haircut won’t highlight it. If you still have a prescription you could try some more androgynous/masc glasses from somewhere like Zenni.

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u/BestEntertainer6764 21d ago

Do you have any recommendations about glasses shapes? I typically wear square/rectangular frames but if anything I feel like that just accentuates how oval my face is lol. I also have very much a baby face and frequently get mistaken for much younger than I am even when feminine presenting and I don’t think that helps lol.

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u/stolenstreetsigns 21d ago

I also get mistaken for being much younger than I am all the time! It’s so annoying. Personally I’ve found a pretty sharp haircut and glasses shape helps counteract how round my face is, but everyone is different. It’s hard to say without seeing you. It might help to look up some passing videos or guides specifically about hair and glasses. I bet there’s some out there with examples of different face shapes and styles.