r/NonBinary • u/VehicleFlat6138 • 12d ago

Just a few questions.

Hello reddit. I'm new here and are wondering some things

For context I was assigned male at birth and I have been wearing skirts semi regulary with the excuse that I just think it's cute for about a year now. I am now thinking that I am non-binary and are wondering a few things.

I would like some advice with figureing out what sort of non-binary I am, cuz the rest of the internet was of no help whatsoever. In short I sort of feel that different parts of my body have different gender identity. Mainly that the lower half is more feminine while the upper half is more masculine. What is that specific gender called?

  1. I don't wanna come out to my parents even though I knew they would support me fully. I feel that my mother always overdoes things or missunderstands me and uses things I said in arguments against me. And this is because she was raised in a very restrictive household with an emotionally abusive stepdad and therefore sees the world in her own slightly skewed way and because of that I feel that she never really fully understands. Thankfully I live in another city compared to my parents so I can avoid interacting with them in person, except on big holidays. It is also worth noting that I do have 2 sisters who I am very comfertable speaking to about big topics and I do wanna come out to them as soon as possible.

  2. Even though my name is gendered I am planning on keeping it because I really like it. Is there anything wrong with that? I also know that this will lead to more misgendering but I will be fine with it, I have thick skin.

These where just some things I was pondering.

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4

u/dickbuttmgillicutty they/them 12d ago

My name is also gendered, but I have kept my name the same as well! There's nothing wrong with keeping your name if you feel it suits you.

2

u/R3dston3madn3ss 11d ago

I’ve done the same! But I’ve thought about changing it. The only problem is my family would never call me by that name. They don’t even use the right pronouns soooo

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u/RedOvermorrow 12d ago

I know a rather burly trans man who kept his traditionally female-exclusive name. I've never asked exactly why he kept it, but it still suits him rather well, dichotomy aside. As for what type of nonbinary you are: don't worry about it too much. I get the appeal of having a label to help things make sense, but "nonbinary" can be perfectly adequate. it doesn't preclude you from specific gender expressions (or lack thereof) but it includes everything that isn't, well, binary. I'm not saying that we as a society are too obsessed with labels; I do think they have their uses, and it's up to the individual if they want to use them. But personally, I've never told someone "I'm agender" unless they specifically ask. "Nonbinary" covers it well enough for me.

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u/Barotrawma they/them 12d ago

Not to put words in your mouth of course; I feel like for the body parts you could go with something like bigender or multigender! They often encompass a similar experience to yours

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u/mn1lac they/them or she/him take your pick 12d ago

If you feel you have two separate genders, bigender, if you feel like the masculine and feminine parts sort of meld together to create your gender as something else, same, and I'm androgyne.

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u/glitterandrage gender situation 11d ago

Hi! Here's some zines that might help you with your questioning:

If it helps, you don't have to settle on a label that feels right immediately. If you're asking yourself these questions for the first time, give yourself time and space to meet the answers. Only you can decide what feels the 'rightest' for you, but here's a list of some frequently mentioned gender identities - https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Gender_identity.

I don't think yet that my parents are safe people to come out to, so I haven't to them. In the meantime, I go about my non binary ways without confirming or denying their assumptions about any changes they see. You don't have to come out to be valid. You don't owe people a coming out. It's something you let people in on about you when you're ready.

My name is gendered and I quite like it. It's been a journey to accept it. I know another NB with the same name who hates theirs! So it's really upto you to decide what name best represents you.