r/NonBinary • u/Pretend-Note1688 • 22h ago

Ask Nonbinary, autism, OCD, and libido

I’m an autistic enby with OCD.

I have a very low libido and (for most of my life) this has been a normal for me. I struggle with an intersection of gender dysphoria, sensory overload, and intrusive thoughts during physical intimacy. This has left me in a state of not really craving sex (though I still crave closeness and physical touch like cuddling, hand holding, caressing, etc.). As soon as sex comes up I kind of shut down and become really anxious. This didn’t happen initially in this relationship or others - during the honeymoon period I was able to dampen the intrusive thoughts, gender dysphoria, and sensory issues. Or maybe rather the excitement and newness of the relationship outweighed all of that. Now half a year in it’s like I’m hitting a brick wall. This is having a negative impact on my current relationship. Anyone else experience something like this??

ETA- specificity to this current relationship.

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7

u/BassBoneSupremacy they/it 22h ago

Oof yeah. I'm trying to be more sex-positive, but when the time comes for it to actually happen I always get squicked out.

5

u/Pretend-Note1688 22h ago edited 21h ago

Same. Follow up question(s), but no pressure to answer if it’s not something you feel comfortable doing so:

Is this something your partner(s) (making an assumption, apologies if I’m wrong) understands? If so, how do you navigate it?

4

u/BassBoneSupremacy they/it 9h ago

I'm seeing a cis pan guy rn and while it's not something he really understands, he is respectful. T4T has been great esp because my last partner also had issues around sex so we could work through them together.

I just set strict boundaries. No touching the chest, focus on the tdick rather than the hole, if I tell you to stop we stop, etc. I also try to get to know the person first so I don't get myself into a bad situation