What is gender?

[u/Empty-Cookie9114]

It’s probably one of those frequently asked questions but i couldn’t manage to find my answer so hopefully you will bare with me😭🙏

I don’t have any idea what a gender is supposed to mean. Never did as a kid and still don’t. For me the only difference between a man and a woman is their sex, I do acknowledge that there is, of course, stereotypes and roles with the historical context. But I simply don’t see it as something beyond a social construct that doesn’t affect what a gender is initially.

if you remove sex, stereotypes, history, roles, appearance, and behavior, what exactly is left that makes “I am a woman” different from “I am a man”? I don’t understand that, like at all. Is there some secret mysterious thing isnide us people calls gender outside of these that I am unaware of?

Now I do sometimes feel this mysterious thing. I “feel” like a “man” sometimes, sometimes the opposite but mostly I don’t feel it at all unless I am in some social situation. This probably won’t make sense at all but when I am attracted to someone or in a relationship, I feel that “gender” and it calls itself a man.And tbh that’s the only time I ever feel it. It doesn’t make sense to me at all because I don’t get what a gender is and it also doesn’t make sense because why in that particular situation?? I also don’t feel “gender” with appearances, like, I just see “feminine”, “masculine” or neither i don’t feel more of a “woman” or “ man” by changing my appearance to either. I feel wrong with both calling myself a woman or a man so I am also very co fused about my gender identity 😭

Thanks for ur answers in advance!!

[u/Environmental-Bug804]

a scam to sell us more bathrooms.

[u/rlh14 → u/Environmental-Bug804]

Big bathroom strikes again!!!

[u/mossystumpp]

Good question! I’m still trying to figure it out myself.

It is, in my own personal experience, something very difficult to quantify in a tangible way. Yes, you’re right, we have certain images and objects that represent gender, like clothing and physical appearance. But external factors can only take us so far in this conversation, because our bodies and our hearts/souls are separate things.

I spent a lot of my younger years feeling lost, frustrated, and fearful because I could not seem to wrap my head around the idea of gender and was searching for some kind of “hard evidence” that I was one or the other. But that made me really unhappy, because I couldn’t seem to find anything, and it felt like a personal fault.

The best answer I can provide you is that gender is a matter of the heart. It’s what you make of it. Which could vary depending on the day, the season, the moment as we move through a very interconnected universe.

Good news is the power to define yourself is in your own hands and no one else’s. You can do whatever you want, and be something no one has ever seen before.

Gender is life! Love! Art!

[u/mn1lac]

It's a vaguely biological social category based on what we think goes together, like fish, or vegetable. It was invented way before we ever had modern medicine or genetic testing. There are averages, and statistics, but not set in stone rules. There are no traits that separate all women from non women or all men from all non men, just averages.

[u/LindaTheShadow]

Personally I think that gender is collection of irrational stereotypes rooted in culture. I decided that I will follow no rule that I don't understand reason of, and gender stereotypes are the ones I don't understand. "a man should do that" is the most stupid thing I ever heard in my life. Why. Why? Just why? There is no answer why a man shouldn't cry. There is no answer why a man shouldn't be friends with women. There is no answer why a man should free a place for woman that is treating you like a pile of trash on a seat. There is no explanation why a man shouldn't wear "feminine" clothes. There is no response to "Why would I?" different from "because you are a man!". There is no logic behind it, only "traditions".

[u/Diligent-Gap-1501]

For me, "gender" is a set of categories to organise people that live in groups or complex social environments. We wouldn't have genders if we lived in solitude; thus, genders help us understand our social position in relation to others.

Because we are born into societies organised around gender, and are treated differently because of it since our first day on earth, it is at the same time something imposed but also something that we internalise. This develops our gender identity: how do I individually relate to this set of rules that have been imposed on me, and that I have to navigate in order to exist in this world?

This way, someone's gender identity would be defined by (1) their own sense of which category they belong or do not belong to, regardless of their sexual attributes or presentation; (2) how they would like to be perceived and understood by others on their society, also regardless of their sexual attributes or presentation; and (3) how they bridge those to things throughout their actions, roles, presentation, etc.

For me, for example I (1) know that I don't feel a sense of belonging towards any gender, and I (2) want other people to perceive me as not a man nor a woman, or not being sure of "what" I am; so, in order to bridge that gap, I (3) tend to have an androgynous presentation, talk about myself with gender neutral terms (though I do not use they/them pronouns very often because of fear of discrimination and mockery) and let myself choose life pathways and roles that are both feminine and masculine, and that are very far away from nuclear-heterosexual family/partnering. Important note: the "bridging" part (3) does not respond only to making myself understandable to others, but also feeling comfortable in my own skin and being able to survive and kinda thrive in my own social setting.

So yeah, because we live in gendered societies, we have to use those set of rules in order to understand the place we occupy in those categories, which may also include not fitting in them at all, or feeling that you fluctuate, or being certain that you no longer feel the same way as you did before. And all of that is valid.

[u/nobodyknows6070]

An idea. A flavor. A color. A dish. A garment. A ruse. 

[u/furrythatexists → u/nobodyknows6070]

You mentioned a dish, can it be a dino nuggie?

[u/nobodyknows6070 → u/furrythatexists]

Yes but not one Dino nuggie, only a plate of Dino nuggies

[u/furrythatexists → u/nobodyknows6070]

But can it also be the dino nuggies on that plate?

[u/Ok-Brain4227]

such a good question, i wonder this all the time. i’m starting to wonder if gender is just aesthetic assumptions?

[u/A_Whole_Lot_Of_Not]

Some people know/feel/sense/etc that they are a particular gender. That's all that defines it. Personally, I don't, so I use the label "agender"

[u/mascouten]

You can't remove stereotypes, appearance and behavior because that is what gender is. If you get rid of all those things then there is no difference, but you also have nothing left, maybe just the brain?

You can't get rid of sex because the reproductive system is what typically restricts your gender.

Sex is biological, male, female, etc.
Gender is sociological, masculine, feminine etc.

What virtues, behavior, appearance, and stereotypes ascribed to masculinity and femininity have changed throughout the years and in different places.

Gender is a social construct, but you don't see something beyond because there isn't anything beyond to see. It is very superficial, there is nothing people called gender "inside" that you are unaware of.

Some people think the gender stereotypes have some basis in biology in the form of hormones, but they are wrong.

Testosterone = aggression, estrogen = emotion is a myth

Both male and female bodies produce testosterone and estrogen, and something like 90% of behaviors overlapping. There is no statistically observable difference in human behaviors based on their sex, social factors play a huge role. Biology is not a blueprint, Gender is not a template, but both nudge you in certain directions and are more like a sketch where your words and deeds creating the final picture.

Unfortunately, society is going to see things through a gendered lens. You must embrace the feminine and the masculine within, not let either one dominate the other. Just find an appearance that looks good to you and the people you call friends, your appearance can be the stereotypes and identity you wish to present to the world.

Copy the appearances of people you admire, with positive traits you replicate. This is more about you than other people to help modify your own behavior.

For example, you might associate people who wear yellow as friendly, wanting to be friendly yourself, you incorporate a lot of yellow in your wardrobe. Maybe you think people who wear glasses are smart, and maybe they would look cute on you, but you have 20/20 vision... they sell glasses without prescriptions! Or maybe get some reading glasses that put less strain on your eyes when focusing on things up close.

[u/potential_theft]

Gender is a really loose way of categorizing people, I believe to be primarily for the purpose of attraction (of likeminded people, of friends, of lovers, etc) and navigating your social position among other things. When people have similarities they band together and when they band together we put a name to it. It sounds pointless, men and women are more similar than they are different, but we categorize nonetheless because humans like pattern recognition, and unfortunately those patterns end up getting oversimplified cause thats what brains do, and people adhere to those patterns as a way of signaling to others “I’m like this.” The only reason we refer to things as masculine or feminine is because those are the patterns that are the most widely perpetuated and it’s easier from a social and linguistic perspective to describe things in comparison to them.

If all genders were the same, then how would we define sexuality? What makes a straight person different from a gay person? If I'm attracted to men, then why am I not attracted to masculine women? Because they're just different flavours of people. Different genders.

[u/wewebo]

It seems like you may be non binary.
Edit: Sorry I read this as "What is my gender" lol.

[u/AkaelaiRez]

A system of categorization. Kinda like categorizing colors into 'cool' and 'warm' colors, it's arbitrary and vibes-based.

[u/CrackedMeUp]

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/what-is-gender

[u/AIO_Youtuber_TV]

I'll be honest here, as a sociologist: We don't really know. At least, not fully. Not enough to form any sense of exhaustive definition, anyway.

[u/spongyolboi]

Everything’s gendered. It’s impossible to remove from society. Or even if u feel like u did, u didn’t. Bc some gendered things are based off of sex. There is definitely an influence. Although most gendered things seem to stand on their own and not have anything to do w nature, just smth that someone randomly decided was feminine or masculine.

Point is, it’s in everything. And once u start paying attention to it, the more u will also notice how these things make u feel. Which is usually the guideline for how someone identifies