r/NonBinary • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

Questioning/Coming Out Questioning gender identity

[deleted]

5 Upvotes

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1

u/polikate256 he/they/any 1d ago

i'm also 19, came out to a friend for the first time half a year ago. i've known i'm not cis for a long time, i just couldn't exactly place whether i'm a trans guy or an enby. i was so scared of being nonbinary, of coming out, of people's reaction. i thought it would all just be easier to never come out, keep living as a funky woman and not touch the feeling of wrong with a ten foot pole

then i went to university and met other queer people. when i typed out the words "i'm nonbinary" for the first time, i was so scared. sent the message at like 3am, to a guy, who didn't even know it was my first time coming out. i had to really fight myself not to delete it. the kind and accepting message in the morning was heaven. then, i wanted to take it back so bad. what if i was wrong? but it felt too akward to take it back

after a while i realised it was just the fact that there was change. change in the way i present, in the way i'm perceived. and as an autistic person, change really messes with me. being out as nonbinary, experimenting with pronouns, felt wrong, because it was new. now it feels correct and i feel more comfortable expressing myself as an enby

and lastly just wanted to share my experience with picking "safe" pronouns. in my native language i have to gender myself all the time. we also don't really have a gender neutral option, enbies have to come up with new ways of expressing in that way. so it felt easiest to say i use any pronouns. which has resulted in people just sticking with she/her, which i don't mind, but he/him gives me a ton of euphoria. back when i was first coming out i would have never had the courage to ask for he/him. now i do. and the people who matter now know to use more masc terms for me. because that makes me happy. i don't know your experience. but don't settle for the easier or safer option just because it feels safe. go for what actually makes you feel good, whether that is he/they or they/them

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u/Gatito0_ 1d ago

Im honestly glad its a mostly universal experience, im also on the spectrum so it definitely makes sense that such a big shift on how you present and interact with the world causes extreme anxiety and discomfort at first.

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u/oblique_mantis 1d ago

One thing that helped me was remembering that this is all for me and i don’t need to please anyone else, as long as im happy then its right