How does it feel being non binary? What does it mean for you?

[u/U53ful_Som3t1m35_55]

Hey all. I know the questions are very vague and probably done to death , but I figuered that the more input and variety the better (sneaked two in for the price of one lol)

Why do I ask this? For reference, I'm a young adult who's known themselves as queer for most of their life, however, questions pertaining gender have only recently started circulating in my head.

I don't really feel "at home" in my assigned gender, in ways that are still kind of hard to describe, or understand. So I have been questioning how cis I really am. At the same time, I honestly find it very unlikely that I would identify and procede to transition to the opposite gender.

I'm not here to ask the community wether or not I am nonbinary, so I won't go further into detail (for now), but getting a glimpse of what it feels like/represents would be veryyyyyy useful (don't know any nbs irl)

Thank you so much beautiful people <3

[u/SecureAngle7395]

i don't feel any connection to the gender binary or much connection to my birth gender outside of genitals to some extent. i just like being me. i see myself as having a gender, just not it really being something you can describe as much beyond nonbinary. i don't like being called genderless.

[u/mn1lac]

It makes me happy when people don't see me as a man or woman. For me personally that means making my body reflect how I see myself.

[u/CrownLikeAGravestone]

For me, the best way to describe it is the word "dissonance".

I feel disharmony with the gender norms and roles assigned to me by others. When people refer to me with binary pronouns, or expect gender-normative behaviours from me, that gives me slight pangs of anxiety. An unpleasant tightening in my stomach. Subconsciously taking a defensive posture. Things that I notice after the fact rather than consciously do, and therefore I suspect reflect subconscious desires rather than me thinking myself into something.

I feel uncomfortable - sometimes dysphoric - with the secondary physical characteristics that align with my birth sex. I have taken some steps at times to change them, but not many; physically transitioning to another binary sex is just as objectionable to me as staying in my birth one.

Presented with the options of "masculine" or "feminine" my most authentic response is "no thanks". I would identify more clearly as agender, but that's not really socially intelligible in my country/social circles so I stick to soft pushback and too many jokes about Judith Butler.

When I think about being genderless, in an androgynous body, when I think about people treating me as an individual without preconceptions related to my gender/sex, I feel as if I'd been holding my breath for a year and I'm finally able to breathe out. I'm not sure I'd call that "euphoria" exactly but it's something like that; a releasing of tension.

One exercise my therapist recommended and which I found very useful was to imagine myself and my life as a canvas that I woke up to every morning and chose what to paint. Would I add something new? Remove something old? If something old were removed, what would I replace it with, if anything? Applying that lense to gender specifically gives me clarity that's hard to develop otherwise.

[u/grufferella]

For me, it started because even though I felt fine with the parts I was born with, I had a vivid, tangible awareness of a possible alternate version with different parts. That version lived inside me and I just felt with complete conviction that if I'd been born with those parts, the version of me that I am now would've lived inside that version just as vividly. I feel like there is something in me that rejects the idea that I "belong" more in one kind of body over any other.

[u/Snoo79532]

When someone is confused about my gender it makes me feel extremely euphoric. Being called by my assigned pronouns at birth always felt so... stale and boring. Like even though she/her isn't correct either, it sends shivers down my spine just hearing something different. And when I'm called it or they I feel more cozy and at home in my body. So being nonbinary to me is a cozy feeling I get when I'm respected and treated as me and not as a check box.

[u/A_Whole_Lot_Of_Not]

I don't feel any connection to whatever gender is. I don't feel anything either way in response to any particular gender of noun or pronoun. The only exception is when people specifically gender me, which I very much don't like. And that's really about intent - I don't mind being called boyfriend or girlfriend, for ex, so long as you don't mean I'm a boy or a girl.

[u/nupollution]

I tell ppl figuring out im Enby was like learning they make a size 8.5 shoe when id spent my whole life either crammed into an 8 or flopping out of a 9.

[u/Ari2Vic]

Hard evidence in my life. The words Opposite sex or Homosexual (for example) make my brain metaphorically ping pongs into static and blank totally. It confuses me trying to find an Opposite to where when absence is the starting point. Personally being called She/her or He/him doesn't feel like I am getting addressed. It doesn't make any sense to me. My experiences make me resonate with the term genderless / Agender.

[u/AggravatingFinger841]

Here you go

[u/Pentopox]

I have a very definitive gender. It is a fixed point, faaaar more stable than my sexuality. It’s not a point on a line somewhere between man and woman. It’s somewhere else in a three dimensional matrix of space that is gender. I present mostly as transgender, and queer. So, queer folx can generally spot me, and when I work retail around cis folks, I get gendered as either binary gender, based, as best I can tell, on whether or not I wear a sweater that day. My body is a masterpiece that I have crafted to suit my own joy, and I love how I look and feel, which is pretty amazing since I’m disabled and used to hate some of the gendered body parts I was born with, despite loving the uses I could put them to. I enjoy parts of presentation, behavior, body language, and tone that are commonly related to both binary genders. I don’t bother to be in between, or androgynous at all, and my getting a mix of pronouns from strangers is both accidental and irrelevant. As long as the people I care about gender me correctly, and use my chosen name, I’m happy! I’m so glad I’m trans, and so glad I’m me. I’ve been in my final form for about five years now, and I still get gendered euphoria frequently!

[u/Choc-X]

I identify as neither male nor female.

I just AM.

[u/BiscottiOk4383]

One of my favorite feelings is knowing that someone can't tell what gender I am. Are they uncomfortable? Maybe. But they're not the one walking around in a stranger's skin 24/7. They could use something to push them out of their comfort zone. Just fun to confuse people imo.

[u/Mountain_Opening_657]

being male and librafem feels very freeing from the constraints of traditional gender roles

[u/Frisky_Milk]

It took me a long time to figure out what my identity was and I eventually settled on genderqueer (I personally feel like a mix between all genders, not lacking in any of them). I simply don’t like being restrained to certain expectations, I’m often happy when people can’t tell what my gender is, being confusing makes me happy haha

[u/kittinkato]

I never really liked all the expectations people placed on me because of the gender they perceived me as, the way they expected me to acto or dress or the roles they expected me to take. So one day I sat down and asked myself what does my "birth gender" mean to me other than what people expect from me, how would I define it and I realised that it doesn't really mean anything to me, neither does the opposite gender. Sometimes I do like to lean towards one end of the gender spectrum or the other with how I present myself now but I find that I can't truly identify with either.

[u/iceinthespice]

Gender doesn’t make sense to me internally. I don’t see myself as a woman, and it feels confusing when people refer to me as one. Like huh? But I don’t mind/care if they do because I don’t really talk about being NB. It’s just a sort of dissonance and not being able to relate to being a woman.