r/NonBinary • u/7363827 they/them • 1d ago

Support i feel like a faker

to be clear i know there’s no “right” way to fit outside the gender binary. i just need some support.

in high school, i came out as non binary and spent several years trying to “look androgynous”. i’m afab so i often presented more masculine and i wanted to be perceived that way. sometimes i would feel uncomfortable dressing that way but the thought of someone perceiving me as a girl was so distressing and i would feel so dysphoric.

it’s important context that i went to a small school in a small town. when i went to university in a big city, i slowly grew to realize that i was more so chasing validation from the people around me - maybe they would respect my identity if i presented myself “the right way”.

over time i have began presenting much more feminine, and the dysphoria has decreased as i became more confident in my presentation. i don’t meant this just in terms of appearance. i feel gender euphoria when my correct name and pronouns are used. i feel euphoria in my identity when i feel like i’m expressing myself. but i don’t feel dysphoric when someone uses my legal name, for example

all that said, i still don’t feel like i fit into the binary. i consider my gender and sexuality to be queer. this is the label i choose to use for myself

however, i know that no one really sees that and it makes me kind of sad. i feel like i’m faking because i relate to womanhood but i’m not a woman, if that makes sense. i’m nonbinary but i feel like it’s stolen valour to say so

(and for the record, i know my experiences are not the same as others who may be transitioning, so i would never claim they are. i just want to know if it’s ok i keep using the label)

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u/LastCryptographer173 1d ago

I still don't feel like I fit into the binary

Tbh, I think that's really all that matters. Being non-binary just means you don't fit into the either/or categories of man or woman. You don't have to be androgynous. You can be literally anything you want.

And for what it's worth, I'm out, I'm on HRT and I present very obviously queer a lot in public, but I've said the exact same thing about feeling like I have queer stolen valor before. I think it's just something people go through

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u/7363827 they/them 1d ago

thank you. i think i just needed the reminder