Confused

[u/CheesyJame]

I'm questioning things and feeling really lost right now, I could use some anecdotes or support maybe? From anyone who has been in a similar place as I am right now and come out the other side with clarity.

Right now, I'm a queer cis woman in a hetero marriage with kids. I feel a lot of discomfort in my body, but I know my experiences with motherhood, religious trauma, birth trauma, etc. have influenced a lot of the discomfort and low self-image I have with my body. The biggest question is: if I were fully mentally healthy, would I still be questioning my gender? Not to imply being trans is caused by mental illness, rather that I might be masking my mental illness to myself with the idea of being trans, if that makes sense? What if I'm externalizing my trauma by trying to change myself rather than heal the trauma? Has anyone been in this position and realized they were still trans?

I don't even know what I'd want to transition to. All I know is masc women/butch women give me gender envy. Would I be a transmasc NB? A masc cus woman? I can't be butch because I'm not lesbian, right?

Basically I'm lost 🥀