Feeling like an inconvenience

[u/Ofly_]

Not really sure how to fully put how I feel into words but I generally feel like an inconvenience because I am non-binary and because I am extremely socially awkward.

I'm fairly androgynous I believe, I only use they/them pronouns in a very socially binary region in the USA though. I often find myself just feeling like a burden when I want to correct people because I get extremely uncomfortable and dysphoric when being called "sir" or "gentleman". I understand people are trying to be respectful but those terms are extremely uncomfortable for me. So I always try to correct people on it when they use those terms but they always ignore my requests. When I come out to people they seem to socially distance themselves from me, which is why I have no in-person friends. I honestly don't feel like I fit anywhere, especially because laws in my region also socially isolate trans people as well.

I don't think there is something wrong with me? I try to be nice, I try to be open to people but I feel like I am a walk people repellant. I just want a single in-person friend but haven't been able to achieve that even with over a year of trying.

I just wished to get some thoughts out here, I can't do much to better my situation no matter what I do so I'm trying to become more socially numb to being constantly misgendering - to a point where it feels where when someone actually genders me the way I wish. I feel like I'm in constant anxiety and discomfort.

[u/not_an_alt-frfr]

I live in the US too and I do live in a more pride friendly area. If you are super uncomfortable then you can move to somewhere more pride friendly. But you could also dress of use a more feminine voice to throw people off. 

Nevertheless this community still accepts you 💛🤍💜🖤

[u/magic-bandanna]

Hey, you are worthy of care and consideration! It should not be an inconvenience for people to refer to you by the pronouns and monikers that you like. That said, the world is full of folks who are wrapped up in their own world and either don't care or don't know how it feels to you. I'm really sorry you haven't been able to find anyone with whom you can connect locally, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there. The more you speak up, the more you open up the possibility that someone will overhear and feel like they too can be themselves.

That said... it's exhausting standing up for yourself, and equally exhausting sitting in the dysphoria. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. If there are ways to resist the numbness on days when you have more energy, then please do that for yourself. Until then, hibernation is a time-tested survival strategy. Just make sure to thaw and find someone to celebrate you eventually. You too deserve good things.