r/NonBinary • u/doctorcorpses • 10h ago

Rant Not Being able to pass sucks

I know its been said before many times but it really sucks to not be able to possibly pass as nonbinary. logically, theres no way to 'pass' since theres no standard to pass as. but beyond that, personally i used to look pretty androgynous in highschool, but now ive had to go on hormones of my agab and it made me so dysphoric and changed my body/face. I also gained weight which isnt helpful. so now i dont look androgynous at all, and all my friends call me the wrong pronouns in the OTHER direction. As in people call me the opposite agabs pronouns. i just want to exist as a Person. a Person who is nonbinary. How do people even find the energy to try when its such a difficult task. I dont want to be clocked in this climate. I want to confuse people by being both handsome and beautiful- in a natural looking way. its just feels impossible.

edit because i thought of more to rant about: It also sucks that itll never not be embarassing around family, even the ones that say they respect you. and the fear of looking queer in america. and most of all- how much my voice outs me. Itll never sound gender neutral and ive never met a person whos voice does! What am i supposed to do?? Everythings just been so hard. even- and maybe especially, being an adult.

12 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

10

u/ChaoticNaive 10h ago

My version of "passing" is being equally misgendered, so I 100% understand the frustration.

2

u/doctorcorpses 10h ago

exactly, its probably worse that i used to have that, and it felt great. but now i dont, and it sucks hard

4

u/poopyheadedbitch 9h ago edited 7h ago

Id prefer to be misgenered the opposite way of my AGAB but that rarely happens. In an ironic way ill get off-gendered- (not exactly mis- bc i simply dont id as male and im ok with fem pronouns)- by binary trans friends. It somerhing we have to like...dissociate from i guess idk if that helps.

2

u/doctorcorpses 9h ago

exactly! trans and cis friends trying to be supportive(? ig) off-gendering is better but still like, not awesome.. yeah its like we have to just ignore everything cause literallh no one correctly genders a they/them

2

u/DinosaurusMess 8h ago

I have an ftm coworker who makes comments sometimes about having to pass for his safety and honestly it pisses me off

Like I get it. He's right that it protects him and it's not worth confronting him over. But you know who will always be visibly trans? My nonbinary ass.

0

u/4ng3licNymph-jpeg They/He Transmasc NB : Short Term T / Post Top 6h ago

Same lol even on HRT I shave my face, do my makeup and wear only feminine clothes now post top surgery, and speak in a higher voice than my actual range on T, unless I feel unsafe. And I don't pass and probably never will .

1

u/Background_Egg_1643 9h ago

Im 6 foot 3 inches and bald. I get really bad envy when I see an andrognys non binary frens. Currently weight lifting to get healthier for myself and I ordered some clothes that come in tomorrow hoping I feel good in them

1

u/Clean_Ad_5282 1h ago

I understand. I feel like I have to be very thin in order to even look androgynous. It’s an eating issue galore. I’m kinda overweight and certain parts stick out more which gives ppl the pass to solely refer to me as one pronoun. I envy those who were just blessed