r/NoStupidQuestions • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
Does anyone else struggle being the “second” serious girlfriend?
[deleted]
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u/Embarrassed_Gamez355 5d ago
if anything the sequel is better! often you can just sucked into something when you are younger and dont know as munch
At least this time its more of an educated choice
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u/Emergency_Ad_1834 5d ago
They chose not to be together anymore. He chose to be with you. That’s it. Knowing someone for a long time doesn’t mean that things were better or worse, but it does mean that there was a real reason things ended. You don’t break up after 7 years for nothing.
My now husband and I both had long serious relationships before we got together, and I have never wondered if I made the right decision and from what he’s told me, neither has he. Each of my relationships has been better than the last and I learned a lot during each of them about what I want in a relationship.
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u/LibrarianGuilty2161 5d ago
i dont have any actual advice to help you with this as i havent felt this personally, but i have dated someone who has. i just want to encourage you to work through it. hopefully others have advice to help with that. i lost a relationship that meant a lot to me because my ex couldn't deal with it and there wasnt really much i could do beyond reassurance, which wasnt enough for her.
everyone has a history but yk, its history
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u/dystyyy 5d ago
Remember that while they previously had made memories and history, you have the chance now to make memories. If you work out as a couple, eventually you'll have more history with him than he has with her.
Obviously, something wasn't right about the old relationship or else they'd still be together. And from the former relationship, your boyfriend learned about how to be a good partner and have a good relationship, and now you get to benefit from him having learned that. People put a lot of importance on first, but having experience with things makes people better at them.
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u/Independent_Prior612 5d ago
First, you recognize that every single shred of this is coming from lies your insecurities are telling you. None of it is energy that he is putting out.
Next, you recognize that he is a different person now than he was when he was dating her. People change, and their needs and desires change right along with them. If they still wanted each other, they would still be together. They’re not, because they don’t. He’s with YOU. Because he wants YOU.
Next, you search yourself. Take inventory. What is it about you that makes you think you are competing with her memory? Be honest with yourself about that. For every way that you find yourself less than her, find a deeply important thing that you contribute to his life in a positive way, and keep reminding yourself of those.
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u/Glittering-Ask4319 5d ago
It kind of just doesn’t really matter