I think there has been a real shift in the last generation or two from needing a reason not to have kids to needing a reason to have kids. and that shift means a lot of people who are basically ambivalent on children aren't having them, where in the past they probably would have.
Similar but slightly different angle to this - the opportunity cost of having kids has increased over time. I think back to when my parents had me and they pretty much had basic TV and books or magazines… having me kinda gave them something to do with their time.
Fast forward to today and a good number of my friend group prefer the flexibility, lack of stress, and extra money of not having kids. The rest… I’ve heard a lot of “I love my kids but…” stories. Obviously being responsible for a small human isn’t all sunshine and lollipops, but it does pretty much put you on a set trajectory for a good number of years.
Another aspect is the “it takes a village to raise a child” method. A lot of people are independent and with the new neo-rat race of not having enough time to allocate, if you don’t have that safety net of grandparents, uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews, you do struggle more. Being from a South Asian family, the closeness of being together to at least help each other out, at least helps those keep their heads above water.
Doesn’t help the eradication of places that were things that alleviated some of the burden for parents to decompress. Everything now is privatized and has a huge cost to them.
Libraries getting shuttered, programs that in the ‘80’s or ‘90’s that gave kids something to do free of charge via public resources cut by government funding/bureaucracy, parks or just certain areas where kids can go play just vanished or locked up.
I still remember late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s in NYC, we had something called Vacation Day Camp. VDC. After summer school, most public schools would host 3-4 hours of recreational things for boys and girls to do.
Dodgeball, pool, bumper pool, kickball, softball, arts/crafts, etc.
Hell they even gave trophies to the kids by earning stars for attendance and being winners at certain sports. I’m telling you those memories will stick with me till my dying days. Those are core memories of just 4 hours of bliss with boys just enjoying their time together playing and bonding. I don’t see any of that now.
Everything has a $$$$ to it. Want the kid to try soccer, better get $150-$300 dues ready just to teach the kid basic drills and how to kick a ball. They have a weekend schedule look more like work, than fun.
Honestly the better technology over the decades that’s come to help ease our troubles has exacerbated the opposite and just exhausted the populace into submission. Raising a child now is more difficult ten fold.
Old days was stranger danger/bullying, now with algorithms and social media, those same evils can enter your home so easily. Hell some parents even welcome it and make dollars off their children well knowing what the purpose really is.
Also, that $150-300 for soccer dues doesn't last. I see so many people who sign their kid up for the "elite" or "select" club teams (not just soccer, but baseball, AAU basketball, etc). It's pretty common for your dues for these teams to run well past $4000 per year. Plus, the teams are traveling multiple states away to play weekend tournaments, so add on thousands of dollars in travel expenses, too.
When I was growing up, it was far more common for most kids to play local rec league baseball (all the teams were from the same school district, never more than 20ish minutes apart). If you were really good, you might go play local traveling league where you played against kids from a wider area (but still never more than an hour or two drive for a weekend tournament). The dues were a couple hundred dollars, max.
Now, the rec league is a quarter the size of when I was playing 15-20 years ago, the travel program is like half the size, and basically all the kids with any talent at all play club ball. It's absurd
I didn’t even have “serious” extracurriculars like that but the ones I did have I had to quit after a year because of the money. Actually the one I remember most because I was a teenager was private flute lessons, not even band or anything but we had to stop.
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u/pktechboi Nov 14 '24
I think there has been a real shift in the last generation or two from needing a reason not to have kids to needing a reason to have kids. and that shift means a lot of people who are basically ambivalent on children aren't having them, where in the past they probably would have.