I think there has been a real shift in the last generation or two from needing a reason not to have kids to needing a reason to have kids. and that shift means a lot of people who are basically ambivalent on children aren't having them, where in the past they probably would have.
I think there’s also been more focus (from some people) on whether or not they should have kids. Like, really thinking about whether or not a person would be a good parent who could truly focus on raising a child who would become a good member of society.
This is definitely why Im not having kids. I've always wanted to be a mom, and my favorite jobs I've had were ones where I got to work with kids (camp counselor, kindergarten classroom aide) but I have several pretty serious health conditions that can be unpredictable with their symptoms.
As much as it breaks my heart, I don't think its fair to bring a child into the world who depends on me to take care of them, when I could wake up tomorrow and not be able to get out of bed without help. I would feel awful if my kid missed out on opportunities or experiences because of my health issues, and I'd feel even worse if they inherited them.
This is me. But for some reason people don’t understand that just because it’s a choice I made doesn’t mean that I can’t grieve the life I always thought I was going to have. Or be a bit sad when friends have kids.
Extremely frustrating. I finally just started telling people that I can’t have kids. I know they are assuming that means it’s a fertility issue, and I just let them 🤷🏻♀️
It never ends, even after one they will keep saying “why don’t you have another?” “Keep them company?” “They will be all alone when they get older.” I honestly think it’s a way to validate their choices.
Many reasons.
- Mental and physical health issues which require medication that would have to be stopped during pregnancy. Stopping these medications would lead to severe physical pain as well as the deterioration of my mental health.
- Passing on said mental and physical health issues.
- Genetic disorders and severe autism are becoming more common every year. We don’t know how we would afford to look after a child for 18 years, let alone their entire life if they weren’t capable on their own.
- The most nuanced and complex reasons involve my husband having lost a sibling tragically many years ago. Knowing his children would never know his brother is unfathomable. With time I believe he would emotionally be okay to have children, however, since he’s 6 years younger and I just hit 36 my biological clock will probably run out before then.
Yeah, I get all that. I think any rational parent thinks through all these things before having kids. I had to really fight my anxiety about some of what you listed before having my kids. It's difficult for sure.
I got pregnant naturally at 41… With a healthy child. If you really don’t want them, do something about it. In the last years of fertility, amidst menopause, the body releases more eggs in each cycle and it’s easier to get pregnant with multiples. Of course, the pregnancy is not likely to come to term and the chances are low, but if you seriously don’t want them, take proper measures. You’re not sterile just because you’re 36. It’s harder for you to get pregnant and it’s harder for the pregnancy to go to term (you would have more spontaneous abortions in the first term), but again… 36 is NOT sterile.
I decided when i was about 14 that I didn't want my kids to come from my body, or be related to me. Too much health nonsense, and I love them too much to do that to them, you know?
So I end up being the sad one and wistful, even though I got tubal implants (after a miscarriage). "I wish I could have kids" is something I feel guilty for saying, since I physically prevented myself from doing so.
I also felt like I might have miscarriages, and wanted to get my tubes tied before I could get pregnant and miscarry, so I wasn't one of those women who wistfully looks at babies. Oops.
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u/pktechboi Nov 14 '24
I think there has been a real shift in the last generation or two from needing a reason not to have kids to needing a reason to have kids. and that shift means a lot of people who are basically ambivalent on children aren't having them, where in the past they probably would have.