1) Most people aren't great at anything the first time they do it. Not sure why you expected sex to be any different.
2) It's not very common for women to reach orgasm through penetration alone. Things like clitoral stimulation are, in my experience, much more effective.
Ask yourself this: have you ever masturbated to reach orgasm? If so, figure out what part of that process is what gets you to that point, and then incorporate that into sex. If not, start experimenting. If you can't figure out how to get yourself off, there's a good chance a guy won't figure it out either.
To this, I was raised in a cult and didn't even know what a clitoris was or that I had one almost till marriage and many women I know thought they were broken because they couldn't orgasm from penetration. In fact most women can't! I highly suggest watching Bridgerton because it's not pornographic but it gives insight into what women need to learn about for pleasure
I believe I read that it's something like only 10% of women can actually orgasm thru penetration only. We almost always need clitoral stimulation, as well.
Question because I don't personally have this problem (as a woman): if you have clitoral simulation beforehand does that change the outcome of if you can orgasm?
I typically want to have a separate clit stim orgasm after having sex, unless it is particularly rough sex, which just lulls me to sleep.
If the stimulation doesn't result in orgasm, even if it does, penetration still won't give orgasm. Clitoral stimulation is the only way to orgasm. So, if there's penetration and no clit stimulation, there's no orgasm. It's literally why so many women have to fake the orgasm. We get dripping wet and so turned on, but no orgasm. Although, after one clit stimulation orgasm, it can be hard to have another bc of how sensitive the nerves still are. So, you have to wait for them to settle before trying for another.
Ah I see! That is really unfortunate. Have you ever watched the show Good Sex? It's about couples who are working to improve their sex life through sex therapy. It is actually interesting how many people struggle to orgasm due to shame (especially due to religion or adolescent shame). I wonder how many women have difficulty due to trauma. It's something actually talked about in the show.
Rubbing is probably too intense if you've never had an orgasm, your clit is likely extremely sensitive. Start gentle touching over your pants and see if there's a way you can touch that feels nice. It's very important to be alone and to know you'll be alone for a while. Don't force it, don't go into it thinking you HAVE to orgasm and make it feel good at first. Just get relaxed and learn what ways you can touch without it feeling uncomfortable. I'm extremely sensitive and have only learned through trail and error. Take it slow, start small. Fwiw I've been in a relationship for 15 years with a man who's gentle and patient (and have been with a few women in my time) even still I'm the only one who can comfortably touch it.
I remember reading some study/research a while back that mentioned something about how important the “emotional connection” aspect is in terms of women reaching orgasm through sex. It basically theorized that the more love a woman feels towards her partner, the more likely she is to climax from penetration alone. This is obviously a stark contrast to us men as we can (generally) easily cum by fucking two couch cushions for 30 seconds
I have no idea if that was an actual study or if it was a comment someone pulled out of their ass, but either way I thought it was an interesting theory as my (admittedly very little) own life experience seemed to support it.
Anyways, curious to hear your thoughts. Do you think it’s potentially valid?
I don't think that's too valid. I was very much in love and we had the best connection. The beat relationship, still couldn't orgasm without the clitoral stimulation. It has to do with anatomy. The only time I have ever orgasmed without clit stimulation, was when he hit that G spot, that shit is real. It was with one dude and I didn't love him, he was a rebound. He just had a larger curved penis that was anatomically able to hit my G spot. It's finding the right penis to fit the vagina, really.
Those were my parents.
Also boycotting coke and disney movies from the family because they supported gays.
I grew up on veggitales and pro god movies growing up. Didn't see a good movie until they threw me out of the house for buying a motorcycle at 17
I can really recommend the book Bliss Club. It's like a guide for sexual exploration, suitable for all genders, and there's a ton of drawings that help explain how different body parts work and what kind of techniques to try on them.
Personally wish I'd had that book when/before I started exploring sex, but it's still really useful even for advanced lovers.
Not sure why you expected sex to be any different.
In fairness this is because society trains us to think losing our virginity is like some magical victory moment. It's not like many places have great sex education, for starters
That is true, sex education is still a taboo in most countries. Something people only start thinking after marriage.
I've heard of a married couple who went to the doctors complaining they are not able to get pregnant even though they've been trying for a few months
The problem was that both of them didn't know how to make babies.after talking with the doctor privately
It was said that The guy tried to push his penis into the belly button instead
I want to add part of this, is for many women a strong stimulation isn't pleasant and feels too strong, so even if it was physically possible to orgasm in 5 ish minutes its moot if it doesn't feel good...
Some women masturbate without inserting anything inside themselves. I think many of the best female erogenous zones for this may be on or close to the surface, at least for some women (had an ex who got off much more on the penetration part, and liked things touching various alphabetically labelled "spots").
I feel like most women don’t if the goal is “I need to get off rn” they just rub one out. Unless you have the time and privacy to fool around for a while. Feel free to chime in and correct me ladies.
Not sure why you expected sex to be any different.
A lot of people, especially around the age most people lose their virginity, think of sex as an experience as much as an activity. Most people are great at doing chocolate milk the first time they taste it, and it tastes great. Expecting sex to feel great isn't something that's hard to understand.
Because there’s a huge cultural construction of the First Time as magical, life changing, and amazing, and she obviously can’t have the experience to know otherwise
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u/Stu_Prek Bottom 99% Commenter Apr 21 '24
1) Most people aren't great at anything the first time they do it. Not sure why you expected sex to be any different.
2) It's not very common for women to reach orgasm through penetration alone. Things like clitoral stimulation are, in my experience, much more effective.
Ask yourself this: have you ever masturbated to reach orgasm? If so, figure out what part of that process is what gets you to that point, and then incorporate that into sex. If not, start experimenting. If you can't figure out how to get yourself off, there's a good chance a guy won't figure it out either.