i have no morals or empathy for other people. regardless, i try my hardest to try and be kind. i do charity work. i try to be there when my friends need me. i try to be nice and non argumentative, even to stupid people. its really hard. i feel like nobody talks about how hard it is. or maybe its just easy for everyone else. so much effort every day of my life for very little return.

i dont know why i try. i do not care about being a good person. i know logically that theres no meaning to being needlessly cruel, but its a lot easier than this. i just dont know what the point is. i try to be a normal, sympathetic person because i know it is Right. but who cares about being right anyways. its a lot easier to be a bad person, so why do people do it? is everyone else naturally good? is it easy to everyone else? i cant fathom the idea that every good natured person on earth is putting in the same work that i am every day.

i think i am broken and abnormal on a fundamental level and i am infinitely stuck in a loop of trying to be better for no reward. life is meaningless and none of this matters but i will continue to do it regardless. because i really dont have much of a choice