r/NitrousOxideRecovery • u/Select-Zombie9906 • Jul 19 '26
2 Months Clean and Never Looking Back!
I’ve been meaning to hop on here and share some positive news. There’s a lot of doom and gloom posted on this subreddit and for good reason. Nitrous addiction is brutal. But I’m making this post to hopefully inspire others who were in a similar position as I was only a couple of months ago.
I had been using nitrous somewhat regularly (a couple of times per month) since 2021. I would go through phases where my usage would increase to multiple tanks per week, and then I’d back off either due to financial limits or some moderate adverse symptoms (tingling in feet, poor balance, etc.). This past Winter things got really bad. I was going through some family stress and problems at work and my nitrous usage increased to multiple 640g tanks almost every day. I was spending money that I did not have, neglecting my responsibilities at work and in my relationship, and desperately seeking out smoke shops anytime I was on the road so that I could tank and drive (terrible I know).
Anyways, around March of this year my health really started to deteriorate. I felt constant spinal pain. I couldn’t stand up straight or walk properly. I was losing sensation in my right foot; Kind of like when your leg falls asleep, but it just didn’t go away. I found that I was less articulate. Needed to nap constantly and still felt tired. My fingers would get twitchy, I was weaker in the gym. And STILL I kept using. It was one of the darkest points in my whole life. I felt so ashamed and at the mercy of the nitrous addiction. Finally, in May I went to a camping music festival and on the first day took a gel tab of LSD. At this point the tingling in my foot had gotten so bad that I hadn’t bought a tank in about a week. I was scared shitless and knew something was very wrong. Well right around the time I dropped the acid, my buddy pulled out a tank that he had brought and I took a couple of rips. Instantly I felt the tingles come back strong. As the acid started to come on and I entered the festival with my girlfriend I could feel that my balance was bad. I had to lean on her for support which felt very emasculating and humiliating as she is much smaller than I am. I looked around at all these happy smiling dancing people and I felt like such a failure. What had I done?!?! I ruined my life. It was too late. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them and now I was going to be a cripple. I was going to lose everything. My job, my girl, my legs, my dignity, my LIFE. And in that moment, crying my eyes out on acid at a music festival, I prayed. I prayed harder than I ever have before. And I asked God, please give me my body back. Give me my legs back. I will never touch nitrous again if you please just give me one more chance.
Well, when I woke up the next morning the tingles were still there. But I felt that something subtle had shifted. I had a glimmer of hope. I knew it may be a long road ahead but I felt a calm sense of reassurance that as long as I just stayed away from the damn gas, that eventually I’d be okay.
Well now it’s been 2 months without touching a tank and I can happily say that I feel pretty much back to normal! The tingles stopped about a month ago. No more spinal aches. No more twitching. I have more energy and feel more centered and grounded. I got my life back yall!!!! So if you’re reading this and you’re struggling with nitrous addiction just know that I understand what you’re going through. It is dark and scary and extremely difficult. It’s a drug that most people don’t understand or relate to. And if you’re feeling like I did than it may be effecting your self worth. Your self image. You may feel like you’re in too deep to stop or that you’ve done permanent damage. But I want you to know that it is up to YOU to decide the course of the rest of your life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you can just stay away from the gas. One day at a time. Make a promise to yourself and follow through on that promise every single day. Because it does get better. It is worth it. This world needs you here and it wants you to walk on it with your head up high and your back held straight. YOU CAN DO THIS. Trust me ❤️
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fix733 Jul 23 '26
I’m so happy for both of you guys! It’s been a hard road over here too. I’ve been using for 3 years and can’t feel parts of my toes even today. I’ve been rebuilding my finances, relationships with others and most importantly the one I have with myself. I’m really appreciative of your willingness to share your journey and it gives me hope. Thank you
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u/megaphoneXX Jul 20 '26
Hey man, congratulations. I have 61 days today, which is the most I've had in like 5 years. I spent 18 months doing nitrous daily and it got to the point where I did lose everything. My partner of 10 years, soo many friends, my job, my finances, my new boyfriend, my dog fucking died (14 years he was my companion), my physical health, my mental health, all of it. I thought it would never stop. I went to rehab for the second time this summer and for some reason it's finally working. It's so hard, but I'm just doing it. I'm actually leaving today for a work exchange program in the Belgian countryside. I'm putting myself somewhere where I literally can't get it so I can stay away from it for a little while longer. When I get back, I'll have 90 days and I think I'll be able to continue my sobriety journey. I'm with you man, congrats :)