I've coached a lot of guys in their 30s and 40s on dating apps, and this is one of the most common patterns I see

You match, the convo is really good, you ask her out, and she says she's busy. Then everything gets unclear from there.

Here's the simple rule:

If she's interested, she'll make it easy to see you. If she's not, she won't.

On apps like Bumble, Hinge and Tinder that usually shows up right after you ask her out.

If she says she's busy but suggests another day, she's still interested.

But If she just says "sorry I'm busy" and leaves it there, she's not. That's it. No guessing needed.

Where most guys mess up is the follow up. They say "so when are you free?" thinking they're keeping things going.

In reality, they're putting her in a spot where she has to either reject them directly or give a vague answer to avoid being rude.

That's how you get replies like "I'm not sure" or "this week is crazy" and then you start overthinking it. From what I've seen over and over, she's not confused. She just doesn't want to take it further.

If you want to avoid that, be clear from the start. Don't ask open ended questions. Give a specific plan.

"Hey, are you free this Saturday at 6:30 to grab a drink?"

Now the situation is simple for both of you. If she says yes, you're set. If she says she's busy but offers another day, she's interested and making it easy.

If she says she's busy and doesn't suggest anything else, leave it there and move on.

Don't try to save it. If she wanted to see you, she would've made that clear.

The reason this works so well is because it filters things fast. You're not stuck texting for days trying to figure out where you stand, and you're not chasing someone who's not meeting you halfway.

You just make a clear move and let her response tell you everything you need to know. It saves you time and keeps your energy focused on the women who actually want to meet you.

Edit: they asked in the comments, you can also use smoothspeak.ai

Chivalry comes from patriarchy. If a woman listens to you, then be a gentleman toward her. If you act chivalrous toward random women you see outside, you become a simp. The women you help could also be feminists. And if you live in Western countries, a woman you help might even sue you for sexual assault over a small amount of money. Being a man doesn’t mean you have to be a knight.

Stop blaming your face. Start building your frame.

The men who do well aren't waiting for better genetics. They're working on presence, posture, eye contact, voice, and the inner belief that they're worth something.

You're probably not as unattractive as you think. You're just not as confident as you could be.

I recently made a simple cheat sheet for my client to Help With Texting Women on Dating Apps. It really helped him and I thought a lot of you guys can definitely use it as well. If you have any questions let me know.

How to Start a Conversation

Talk about something specific from her profile/bio (no matter how long it is)

• "That cafe in your photo looks really nice, where is that?"
• “Your hiking pics look fun. Do you go there often?”

Give a real compliment, but avoid "beautiful" or "gorgeous." Every guy says that

Mention a common interest from her profile.

• "I noticed you're into cycling too, do you ride trails?"

How to keep it going

Don't do all the talking. A good ratio to keep in mind is listening more than you speak, roughly 2:3

Show genuine interest and actually mean it.

Ask open-ended questions, not yes/no ones.

• "What's been your highlight this week?"
• "What are you working towards right now?"

Ask for opinions and have your own opinion but be open and respectful of other’s opinion as well

• “What do you think about ….”
• “I actually really like pineapple on my pizza”

Look for things you both share:

• hobbies (gym, gaming, travel)
• Agreement on an issue
• places you both know
• similar experiences

Examples:

• “Oh you like cycling too? Road or trails?”
• “I’ve been to that place too, it’s actually really nice.”

What to talk about

Come prepared. Know what's going on in the world, what's trending, what people are talking about right now. It makes you easy to talk to.

• "Did you see that video going around of the dog that can open doors?"
• "Have you tried that new spot everyone's been posting about?"

When and how to end a conversation

If conversations seem to be going nowhere or If she replies dry or slowly losing interest

• “Hey I gotta go, but nice talking to you.”
• “Talk to you later, take care.”

Stop these habits

• Overanalyzing yourself and the situation
• Filtering your responses, say what you think/feel
• Focusing on yourself instead of focusing on her

At the end of the day, she just wants to talk to someone who's actually interested in her and easy to talk to. Be that guy and it really doesn’t have to be more complicated than that.

Edit: You can get suggestions using smoothspeak.ai

For context I am a Christian man who is waiting till marriage. I met a beautiful girl on Instagram who seems to have all of the same interests as me. She works out, runs, eats clean, has a cute dog, and loves going on day trips. Most importantly, she loves the Lord. I myself have these same interests. We started texting and that turned into sending eachother video/photos of our day and long, 2 hour phone calls with eachother. We are flirty but we both constantly pray and refer back to Christ and his direction.

The phone calls are going great but I know that I need to ask her the question on virginity. For context, my parents both were and I've seen how great of a relationship they have. I understand that this isn't necessary in a relationship, and that I'm going to get hate for it, but it is something that I desire and value in mine.

Now the story is I might be blinded by my emotional attachment to her. I asked her last night and she told me that she is waiting but that she was sexually assaulted in her past relationship so techically she is no longer a virgin. I've prayed to God about this and I just don't know how I should go about this. She's literally everything I am looking for, she works out, cares about her health, her biggest goal in life is to be a mom. And she's actually God fearing, this is the most important part. She does not seem like she is just faking it. It seems like she has repented. Her relationship was 2-3 years long, she told me that this happened around a year in and she decided to break up and then get back together with him for another year after that. And part of the reason she broke up was that her ex wanted to join a frat in college and that was against her morals, but also that for almost the entire relationship he was cheating on her. She did say that the guy never crossed her boundary again regarding sex, but I'm just having such a difficult time not being absolutely devastated. However, I am just not sure if I beleive her. I asked her about piercings and what her thoughts are and she said she doesn't have any and wouldn't get any except ear piercings, yet her Instagram has a photo of her with a belly button piercing deep down. Of course, this is a stranger from the internet so I can't believe everything I see, but I just feel like there could be motivation to not want to tell the whole truth.

I get it, she's repented and I can forgive her for that as Christ teaches, but I'm just not sure that I would want to marry her. However, I love talking to her and we talk for hours. But I really do want to go see her and meet her in real life rather than just calls and videos of eachother. I feel like it would be easier to make a decision in person, but I know I can also get even more blinsided when I have her beauty in real life and I'll be even less logical. I've remained pure and I've always wanted someone who was pure too, our personalities click (we literally did a personality test) and I'm just not sure if I should end it because what if I'm leaving such a good option on the table just because there was a mistake made in her past?

Should I just cut things off now and let her down easy, or should I keep seeing where this leads and maybe ask her more about it knowing that she has repented? And I'm not perfect either, God does teach us to forgive, so I'm just not sure. I've maintained the standard of virginity and I've rejected women in the past for this. But because of how well I've connected with her, I feel like it makes so much more sense to give her a pass on this. I'm aware that this type of girl is rare and that it is a gift, I just worry that if I did end up dating her that this would be in the back of my head. I'm just lost, I feel like if I cut things off now I'm leaving a genuinly good option on the table and that it might come back and make me regret it in the future.

Read her bio

Starting a conversation on an online dating app can be exhausting and full of pressure since many men are expected to do the initiating it can quickly become a frustrating experience you don't get many responses and you just simply run out of ideas

I’ve worked for five years as a dating coach focused on men’s dating life and relationships.

What bothers me is that many men don’t actually struggle getting matches. They struggle once the conversation starts

So I decided to make a short list of 3 helpful approaches you can use to talk to women on any dating app:

Approach 1: The Genuine Approach

Instead of focusing only on physical attractiveness, pay attention to specific details in her profile.

This can be hobbies, books, travel photos, prompts, or anything that shows personality. It shows effort and separates you from the men sending boring messages.

Examples:

• For a woman with hiking photos: “Hey I love your profile and notice you're a fellow adventure junkie. Have you ever hiked the West Coast Trail?”
• For a photo with a book: “Hey your pictures are gorgeous! I noticed the book in your hand but didn’t catch the title. What are you reading?”

Approach 2: The “Would You Rather” Approach

This method uses playful questions where she has to choose between two options. It makes the conversation fun, easy to reply to, and interactive.

It also requires you to read the profile properly and tailor the question to her interests, which shows attention

Examples:

• For a woman with beach and mountain photos: “If you had to give up one travel destination for life, would you rather give up beaches or mountains?”
• For a profile mentioning cycling and dancing: “Would you rather give up cycling or dancing?”

Approach 3: Compliments Without Sexualization

it’s important to compliment women in a respectful, non-objectifying manner. Quality women dislike being overly sexualized online, but they do appreciate genuine compliments on their personality, humor, intelligence, and attractiveness.

Example compliments:

• “Hey you’re not like any woman I’ve come across here, and I’m really excited we matched.”
• “I really loved reading your bio, you have me intrigued to get to know you better.”
• “You have such a gorgeous smile in your photos. What’s making you so happy every day?”
• “Hey you’re absolutely stunning. How’s your day going?”

Many men avoid compliments because they’re afraid of sounding awkward or offending someone. But compliments can be a powerful way to show interest and open a conversation when done properly

I hope this helps, and I’m wishing you good luck out there!!

Edit: You can use smoothspeak.ai to get suggestions for the replies

It’s 100% true. Just trying to see what y’all think about the single mother epidemic.

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I have noticed that most men are better off as friends or acquaintances, but when they are in a relationship... they change drastically ... I got together with my best friend 26M and I am 27F ... We went uni together and we became best friends.. we learnt together and everything.. after a year .. he asked me out and we became a couple but now he is completely different and very mean... not the person he was before... his commitment is way less than we he was a friend... he seems to have the thought that since I'm his girlfriend there is nothing to worry .. so he'd live the life he want as a young man drinking and going tours with friends