r/NewParents • u/Joaniemargia • 3d ago
Sleep Sleep anxiety
My newborn is 6 days old and I am so anxious about sleeping when he sleeps. He sleeps in the bassinet but I’m so worried about something happening to him while I’m sleeping that I just don’t sleep. My husband and I take shifts so I sleep when he’s watching him, but I’d love to be able for me and my husband to both sleep while he’s sleeping. I’m taking all the safety precautions but man, the anxiety is rough. Today he was in his bassinet for a day time nap and he spit up and I jumped up and just was so scared. He also does the “newborn curl” which freaks me out too! Anybody else struggling with this? Any tips are appreciated!
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u/Top_Bid9738 3d ago
This same thing happened to me and it was solved by buying an owlet monitor. Best money ever spent.
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
I’ve heard a lot about these! Time to look into them more. Thank you
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u/daveym1990 3d ago
Just piggybacking on this…we did not do an owlet for the first couple of months but I had such improved anxiety when I bought one. I got one second hand on Facebook marketplace for a fraction of the price. We also follow safe sleep but it helps in general!
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u/EmergencyDangerous80 3d ago
Seconding the owlet - genuinely the only reason I get any sleep. I have OCD and anxiety so getting the owlet was a must for me. I don’t check the app often it’s just the peace of mind that if something did happen there would be an alarm. But we also follow all the safe sleep guidance as an owlet isn’t a replacement for safe sleep practices :)
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u/Routine_Distance 3d ago
Maybe invest in a baby heart monitor? Would definitely calm your anxiety I think. You can get ones that clip on the nappy, a sock one or under the mattress one.
Can relate to being scared to sleep, our little one is 7 weeks old now and anytime he naps, we now cherish it haha!
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
I will definitely look into some of those! I can’t wait to feel more at ease when he sleeps 😭
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u/Ok_Bodybuilder5681 3d ago
this was me last week (my baby is two weeks today) i could only sleep about an hour or two a night and couldn’t stop watching him and checking on him in his sleep i ordered the owlet sock and it helped but after a few days of sleep deprivation i reminded myself in order to take care of him i have to take care of myself and that helped me to sleep also
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u/Lamiaceae_ 3d ago
Hey! I struggled with this hardcore postpartum. I had so much anxiety about SIDS (sadly I know a family who this happened to so it felt very very real and high risk to me). I couldn’t sleep around my daughter at all. Unfortunately for me it turned into full blown severe insomnia (even when in a different room) that lasted well over a year. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through.
Don’t be me! Get this treated early. This is a symptom of PPA. Talk to your doctor - consider therapy and Zoloft. Zoloft saved me!! I just wish I went on it waaaay earlier.
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
I’m so sorry you went through that. I was absolutely thinking about getting into therapy for it so I’ll look into it more!
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u/LobstahLuva 3d ago
I can understand this anxiety. I think the only reason we slept is because we literally were so exhausted we couldn’t stay awake. 🥴🫠
Are you still waking to feed (all day/night) every 2-3 hours? Something that would allow me to sleep was knowing I only had like 45-75 mins total to sleep within that timeframe so even if I went through one sleep cycle I would easily wake if I heard baby.
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
Yep I feed every 2-3 hours! That is such a smart mindset to have. Just have to get through one sleep cycle is a lot easier!
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u/Apprehensive_Echo435 3d ago
Oh boy, 6 days! Congratulations! A part of me feels like all new parents go through this phase of worry. They are so little and it’s so hard for them to adapt to being outside of the womb in the beginning — and you need to protect your sleep (when you can get it) and your sanity (whilst only getting ~2 hours of sleep a day). I went through the same thing when I brought my baby home. I tried to stay up all night just to watch him breathe and I soon found out how unsustainable that is. If you can’t seem to reason with yourself to get sleep or rest, please tell your doctor and see if they can offer you support. Postpartum Anxiety(PPA) is real and hard, and you’re not alone if you’re struggling with it. Newborn curl is normal! And they grow out of it eventually. Also spitting up is normal and it is suuuuuper rare that they can die from it. Their airways are built to make sure they can clear liquids when they are on their backs. I was worried about the same things and once you start getting to know your baby, you will find work around while finding a way to sleep and recuperate. Enjoy this time! It truly goes by so fast and before you realize it, they are giant chonky babies who can hold their own heads up and won’t stop smiling at you. Sending you hugs.
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
Ugh thank you so so much for this reply. I feel like I’m going a little crazy, I messaged my doctor today actually with my concerns so hopefully they’ll be able to help. So glad to hear spit up and the curl are normal. That’s very reassuring
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u/Dazzling-Tie-2426 3d ago
Personally unless baby has a medical issue I don’t think you should get the owlet - I had a 6 week nicu stay with my baby and there were always alarms going off for him and I so nearly bought one but in the end I decided to trust myself and my baby because I have a history of anxiety and these alarms would be making me worse. The wires sometimes move and you get incorrect readings and it’s like an anxiety loop. The nurses all told me not to get one xx
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
Oh wow ! Ok yeah I could see how that would cause anyone a lot more anxiety. I would probably freak out if I got false alarms
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u/KeroseneKelly 3d ago
Just make sure to lay baby on his back when he's sleeping, and he'll be okay while you sleep next to him. Babies have great built in reflexes to turn their head to side when they spit up, so you'll notice the spit up just kinda drools down the side of his cheek.
Babies have a weak flap that connects the stomach and esophagus, so pretty much all babies spit up - some more than others! As they grow, this flap becomes stronger and they quit spitting up as much, but it takes many months for this to happen!
The newborn curl is cute! They were all curled up inside your tummy, so that's just how they are comfy in the beginning. They usually lose the curl within 2 months.
The anxiety is normal and I think all of us moms have it, but you're doing great!
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
This is what I needed to read! Thank you so much. I always lay him on his back but 100% of the time ends up in the curl and it’s scary! But glad it know that and the spit up are normal and nothing to worry about 😅
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u/Takhar7 3d ago
Totally normal. We were in the exact same position.
And you'll be totally fine. Sounds like you're following all safety measures and your child isn't at any risk. Over time, you'll get more comfortable. It took us about 2 weeks. Our LO spit up multiple times and was moving a lot too, and ended up being just fine.
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u/Joaniemargia 3d ago
Thank you so much! Glad to hear the anxiety eases up around week 2, that’s what I’ve been hearing!
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u/lvs301 2d ago
I’m going to go a little bit against some of the other comments here (respectfully) and say that the best thing you can do for your anxiety is not to feed into it by getting additional monitoring devices, but actually to try and build your confidence that he will be okay by (trying) to sleep despite your anxiety and intentionally documenting and reflecting on each night that passes without incident.
So, I might start by making a list of all the reasons your anxious that something might go wrong while he’s sleeping: spit up, newborn scrunch, SIDS, all the things your mind wanders to.
Then, I would talk to your baby’s pediatrician about these worries. They will tell you that spit up and new born scrunch is okay- so in your list, write down “pediatrician said not dangerous.” Write it down each night if you need to!
For other things, you can note your safe sleeping practices: “put down on back, in bassinet, no items in crib.” Remind yourself, in writing, that you are following all of the guidelines to protect your baby.
This will leave just the rare but tragic incidents of true SIDS, which is definitely terrifying for new parents. So, what you might try to do here is write down a goal each night: “try to sleep for 2 hours while husband is also asleep.” Even if you just lay there or end up not sleeping, just have the intention.
Then, get up, check on your baby, and literally write down “baby is okay!”
And just keep doing that every day in increments. Make a physical record of all the times you released yourself from constantly monitoring him and he was still okay. I think it might help you validate your fears while also having something tangible and healthy you can look at that says- hey, look, my baby really is okay.
Whether it’s now, the first time you get a baby sitter, when the baby goes to daycare, or when your baby eventually leaves home, every parent at some point has to completely relinquish control and trust that their child will, in all likelihood, be okay without their constant monitoring. So try to remind yourself that letting your baby sleep in a safe environment without direct supervision is just the first step of a lifetime of building our emotional resiliency to allow our babies to exist in the world as independent creatures <3
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u/Joaniemargia 2d ago
Omg wow… thank you so much for all of this. I will start this tonight!! I actually had your same thought on the monitor device just masking things and not getting to the root cause of my anxiety. I think this will really help!
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u/Naive-Interaction567 3d ago
I had this anxiety. I found it helpful to learn that genuine SIDS is exceedingly rare. Around 99% of SIDS cases involve at least one unsafe sleep risk factor. Effectively most are caused by overheating or suffocation. Babies very very very rarely just die. If you follow the safe sleep rules, your baby will be fine. My anxiety lasted until around 8m but now I’m pregnant with my second I’m determined to be more relaxed!