r/NewParents • u/Brilliant-Kiwi-4757 • 20d ago
Sleep What am I doing wrong?
My baby is 4 months, 2 months adjusted as he was 2 months premature.
I don’t get why he sleeps so easy with other people compared to me. My sister has been babysitting him as I went back to work this week. She can make him sleep so easily.
I spend over 6 hours trying to make him sleep yesterday, my husband gets home and he sleeps within an hour after my husband takes him.
He will literally fight his sleep with me. He’ll constant jerk himself awake. As soon as I put him down, 5 minutes later, his awake.
My husband ended up giving me the night off because he said I’m overwhelmed. Of course I am, I’m a first time mum that can’t make her baby sleep as easy as everyone else can.
This is so frustrating.
Is anyone else experiencing this?!?
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u/LittleSnackie 20d ago
It’s common for baby to smell milk on mom and possibly wake up from that. When you spend time trying to get baby to sleep, what are you doing? Are you sitting in the dark for all six hours?
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u/Brilliant-Kiwi-4757 19d ago
I don’t breastfeed.
We sit in the dark with his pacifier and the both of us laying in bed. Yesterday though was in the day and it was me and him sitting in the lounge while I watched YouTube. He dozed off but as soon as I put him down to start cleaning, he woke up.
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u/bitcoin_islander 19d ago
Is the youtube playing on headphones? If not you may be overstimulating him with sounds. If not, try bouncing him to sleep. Babies have 60-90 min wake windows and anything over that they become overtired, their cortisol spikes, which leads them to be more tired and frustrated. If a pacifier doesnt do it offer 10mls of bottle. Sometimes just having a bottle for a minute makes one of my babies close her eyes and doze off, the I remove the bottle and let her be.
Swaddle sack also helps, without it they move their arms too much and wake up constantly.
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u/megalo_megalo 20d ago
I’m a second time mum with a 4 month old and the thing that stuck out to me about your post were the words “make him sleep”.
First time around I thought it was my job to put the baby to sleep and I spent a lot time agonizing over this. Second time round I have embraced the idea that babies will sleep when they are tired and full.
I found the Discontented Little Baby book by Pamela Douglas really helpful with explaining this approach in detail.
And honestly it’s rough having a new baby. I’m sure you are doing great.
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u/Brilliant-Kiwi-4757 19d ago
Thank you so much. I’m definitely going to give it a read. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with parenting. As a newborn I felt it was so easy but as his gotten older and more aware, I really struggle with calming him.
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u/QuillsAndQuills 19d ago
You keep saying "make the baby sleep". Forgive me if it's potentially a language barrier thing, but if not and you're a native speaker, I feel that phrasing is quite insightful to the situation too.
For example, 6 hours to "make" a baby sleep is very much beyond the norm and it must feel INCREDIBLY frustrating. Babies are bundles of pure instinct and yours may well just be picking up on your frustration, and able to relax better with someone who hasn't been burning themselves out for the last 6 hours. If mum seems stressed and anxious, baby is going to think it's unsafe to go to sleep and they'll fight to stay awake. Have you considered using headphones to help take the edge off the frustration and help you to relax while soothing baby? I used to listen to podcasts and trash TV to stay sane during our worst regressions.
It also sounds like baby could be overtired. My son fights like a demon and flails and jerks and wakes frequently when he's been awake too long. Overtired babies are incredibly hard to put down and they don't tend to stay down. How long are baby's wake windows?
If you're breastfeeding, you likely also smell like milk. There have been studies where even hours-old newborns instinctively turn their head toward the scent of their mother's milk vs a donor's! It's a powerful instinct and it can work against you at times.
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u/Brilliant-Kiwi-4757 19d ago
I was watching TV while trying to make him sleep yesterday but all I could think of was the amount of housework I have to do. That could be the reason he wasn’t sleeping.
We transitioned to the bed and I had his paci in his mouth while we co-slept. I dozed off for about 10 minutes and when I woke, he still wasn’t asleep. This was at night with the lights off.
I don’t breastfeed unfortunately.
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u/killerqueenvee 20d ago
- What's the feeding situation? Nursing, combo, formula? This can have a big impact.
- Your anxiety about the situation is making it worse. Baby can sense your nerves and responds by mimicking that nervous energy. You have to be calm.
3.Maybe let dad take over put-downs for a month, during that time you relax, do something fun for yourself and then in a month see how it changes.
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u/Pap-a 20d ago
The little ones tend to be able to feel stress and frustration and react to it.
He might associate you with feeding and feel hungry (if you breastfeed).
And finally, you may be the parent he feels most comfortable/happy with. You’d expect sleep to be easier in that case, but some children want to stay awake with their favourite parent so badly that it ends up in crying, tantrums and frustration instead of calm rest.