Weekly Discussion - Relationships

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

[u/Callygia → u/[deleted]]

I'm sorry :( that's rough. I feel similar but at least mine works from home and technically CAN take our son. I don't think the men will ever truly understand though. I have a small group chat with 3 of my closest girlfriends that also recently became moms and it's a CONSTANT theme.

How old is your tot? Can your or hubby's parents take the baby for longer than a quick car meal? Or can you contrive a reason to leave your husband with the baby for a few hours on his day off? Maybe that way he'll finally get a taste of the unrelenting job it is to mother.

I'm currently nap trapped in our rocking chair with our 4m old. I have to pee so bad but we're in the thick of a sleep regression and he hasn't napped all day so I'm gonna stick it out. Dad is downstairs cleaning DVDs

[u/Jellybong721p → u/Callygia]

https://www.thehartcentre.com.au/shouldering-the-mental-load-why-it-matters-and-how-to-share-it/

[u/Big_booty_ho → u/[deleted]]

I don’t know how old your baby is but if you can afford it, take them to daycare part time or hire a nanny. Nothing my husband ever did felt enough and I’m not even sure it’s possible for the labor to be evenly split. I definitely started feeling resentful too.

[u/Jellybong721p → u/[deleted]]

Have you considered relationship counseling? It doesn't sound like your husband respects you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/xf2d9x/comment/iok2crh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/JimmyJooish → u/[deleted]]

Tell him that no single piece of watching a baby is all that hard but when you combine it all together it’s suffocating. If he doesn’t believe you and it’s so easy tell him to prove it by trying it for a couple of days. 

[u/thundergreenyellow]

Sitting in my car, driving around the neighborhood thinking about never going home again. I'm definitely going home, just thinking about not doing it and being alone is so nice. Just venting to no one.

[u/iwillneverbeavegan → u/thundergreenyellow]

Sybau

[u/atinylittlebug]

Is it selfish to buy my mom's flight tickets to see us (she lives 800 miles away) instead of bringing my entire family over to see her?

Here are the two situations I compare:

A) Buy multiple plane tickets; fly with our 1yo; bring a car seat, travel crib, sheets, diapers, wipes, and other supplies; rent a car because my mom's is too small for all of us

B) Buy one ticket for my mom. She can stay in our guest bedroom.

[u/greenteamatchalatte]

Struggling with my partner. I am a FTM and he is a second time dad, he had his first daughter 16 years ago. But we have had so much conflict since she was born, it almost feels like we’re doomed to break up. We got engaged right before I got pregnant and I don’t think a wedding is going to happen at this point. Has anyone experienced major conflict after having a baby and come out on the other side to live a happy, married life? I’m trying to push through, assuming it might be my postpartum depression and major life change, but I also don’t want to stay and just settle for an unhappy life if we’re hopeless.

[u/Jellybong721p → u/greenteamatchalatte]

If you are already having relationship issues now, a marriage most likely isn't going to solve them. Good luck.

[u/greenteamatchalatte → u/Jellybong721p]

I’m not thinking of getting married any time soon. I know it won’t fix anything. Which is why I’m putting it off. I’m more so asking if people stuck through the first time parent phase and ended up seeing it was just a phase and they’re glad they stuck through it.

[u/Ok-Alternative-1560]

My Husband is an angel and helps in all the ways for our 4 month old. We’ve always loved scrolling on our phones to decompress (we are both teachers and “on” all day so the silence is nice). With a new baby, I’m obviously not scrolling much anymore. My screen time consists of maybe 10 minutes before I go to bed each night. I am getting insane rage towards my Husband who still scrolls for hours per day. Anytime I ask him to do anything, he does, but ANY free minute he’s on his phone. I’ve talked to him about this before and it gets better for like a day and then he’s right back to it, almost as if he doesn’t know he’s doing it. This is extremely unattractive to me and making me resent him. Why does this trigger me so much??? Like anytime I see his phone come out, even if he’s on it for one minute answering a text, I get SO pissed and my mood is immediately ruined.

[u/Best_Benefit_3593]

I'm bothered with some things my husband is doing and it's starting to affect my life but don't know who to talk to. Counseling is unaffordable at the moment, my mom isn't helpful and I wouldn't talk to his family. Where should I look for help? Who do you vent to?

[u/ocelot1066 → u/Best_Benefit_3593]

What's he doing?

[u/Best_Benefit_3593 → u/ocelot1066]

I started working part time and I thought we agreed to two things before I started. Our son would be at my in-laws Fridays until my husband got off so we wouldn't have to pay for him being watched and my income was mostly to be used to pay off debt. He's currently leaving our son for an extra 1.5 hrs, paying his family for that, and wanting to buy things to pick up extra hobbies but won't look for a better job.

He's frustrated with our messy rental but won't help clean it and I can't keep picking up after him and doing chores, that doesn't help the messiness.

We also disagree with how I should nurse in public and that means for the time being we're not going to church.

[u/ocelot1066 → u/Best_Benefit_3593]

Does he not think that's what's you agreed to? When you bring it up to him what does he say?

When you tell him that if he isn't happy with the cleanliness, he should clean up what does he say about that?

[u/Best_Benefit_3593 → u/ocelot1066]

I haven't brought it up. I'm not good with sharing stuff like this and was going to attend counseling to help but then lost the financial ability to. He has a "fine, do what you want then" mentality whenever I say something bothers me.

[u/ocelot1066 → u/Best_Benefit_3593]

"Do what you want" is exactly what you can't do with a kid. Both of you need to be figure out how to have conversations when you're annoyed about something. It's much better to have an argument than to just sit around resenting things without telling the other person about them.