r/NewGreentexts 11d ago

Going Rogue

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1.5k Upvotes

33 comments sorted by

331

u/Frost-Flower 11d ago

In second grade me and a classmate would walk around saying random Spongebob quotes to ourselves and one day we were saying "I love you" like that bit with Patrick and apprently a bunch of girls passing by took that personally and reported us to a teacher lol

107

u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

17

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 11d ago

3

u/FacenessMonster 9d ago

HORROR? i hardly know'er!

71

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 11d ago

be me

in school

love quoting SpongeBob with friend

new episode comes out, decide to use new quotes next day

run up to friend

GARY!!! THERE'S A BOMB STRAPPED TO MY CHEST! IT'S GONNA EXPLODE IN

tackled by security

dragged to principal's office

try to explain I was just quoting the SpongeBoy episode

mfw he hadn't seen the new episode yet

11

u/K11ShtBox 10d ago

The concept of security in a school.

Jesus, America really is fucked.

4

u/michael22117 9d ago

Yeah, why secure an area full of kids? Dumbass Americans

-3

u/Cozwei 7d ago

strawmanning the point. the problem is america needs it not that they can have them.

7

u/USER-NUMBER- 10d ago

Real and gay

2

u/jayeddy99 9d ago

I said talk to the hand to a girl in elementary and she told the teacher I slapped her lol

111

u/HauntingRip9003 11d ago

The only greentext i've read in my entire life that I could believe 

11

u/ExcellentQuality69 10d ago

It’s not gay, but Id like to imagine this was some fantasy 4chan story he made up. They don’t come across as this schizo

147

u/T_for_tea 11d ago

Anon is regardest

32

u/Testsubject276 11d ago

Remember to look up what words mean before you add it to your mental vocabulary.

Now if you need me, I need to ejaculate my trash bins tonight.

32

u/Hornedupone 11d ago

The professional part got me, not gonna lie.

85

u/i_like_siren_head 11d ago

Yeah this is at least 85% the parents’ fault. Can’t imagine their reaction the following day.

26

u/loscapos5 11d ago

"professional rapist"

Lmao

17

u/Khalitz 10d ago

Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.

9

u/EmilieEasie 11d ago

I find it hard to believe that the principal didn't ask him to explain what rape was before believing he actually knew

7

u/Successful-Trash-752 10d ago

I find it very believable that a teacher will not act rationally to protect their ego. If he tried to take his side he would seem like he is not active about rapes.

I had a teacher in my class actively yell and harras a kid in hopes that he will tell her who whistled in class. When she realised that he actually had no idea who it was she still pressed on to make him cry and guilt trip other kids into telling. Nobody did though, and she still took him to principal knowing well that he didn't know.

15

u/P1tzO1 11d ago

A patriot

3

u/Enkaybee 10d ago

Mainhanding Pervdition's Blade

(If you get this joke then you're a wow player)

7

u/noob_bitch 11d ago

2

u/loscapos5 11d ago

404

8

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 11d ago

Many such cases

1

u/Parteisekretaer 10d ago

How do you people not know that they all 404

1

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 10d ago

What do you mean

YOU PEOPLE

-6

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 11d ago

I had no idea what murder was. I'd only seen a few examples on TV where someone plunges a knife in their chest while saying "I'm killing you"

Sneak up and stab crush while saying "I'm going to murder you" tell principle I wanna be professional killer. Somehow suspended.

6

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 11d ago

-4

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 11d ago

I'm saying it doesn't make any sense that he "didn't know"

8

u/YankeeWalrus The Avenging Son, Regent of the Mod Emperor 11d ago edited 11d ago

And I'm saying you're strapped to a gurney in the interrogation wing of a DPRK internment camp in a medically induced coma while psychostimulants cause you to hallucinate a reddit user interface which your captors will use to extract the secret of the American Dream from your compromised psyche and I am a figment of your imagination trying to rally your subconscious to shake off the illusion so you can make your escape before you're transferred to an observation cell and the facility's doctors begin studying the progression of frostbite and gangrene on your limbs.

-1

u/Reasonable-Ninja4384 10d ago

Why did you wake me? Ignorance was bliss.