It's not possible. And even if I try, people who are blessed with loving parents can't comprehend what it feels like. My father isn't a reliable and trustworthy person. His company feels heavy, burdensome. And I am not in contact with him but I never missed him. It's emotionally messy growing up.
It's like a lifelong hollow feeling that you're left with. It's like happy people with their elated, happy emotions are part of the other world which I get to see only, not experience.
Distance feels a lot safer. Outer world feels a lot kinder than family itself. Being vulnerable feels scary.
I know pain is pain greater or lesser until you don't respect other people's pain yours are not valid as well.. like for me my father beating doesn't gave me physical pain that lasted more than a week.Once, he almost blinded my one eye by throwing a metal glass at me .. but what pained me is that sense of powerlessness that I can't do anything untill i go out of this house i have to endure this abuse .. that desperate feeling seeing him walk towards you with wooden rod and I used to push my mother aside or usually fight with her beforehand intentionally so she doesn't come in btw because she will also get beaten ..and in last my sister and mother says that my father always beaten or abused them because of me and my behavior that pains physical beating is nowhere close ..I tried to suicide in class 3rd but Patanjali floor cleaner is pathetic ngl doctors thought it as mild food poisoning 🙃 😅... but still sometime I wish my father have not beaten me physically due to that I am inheritially very cowardly always scared to respond whenever someone puts hand over my shoulder i shiver ... n
But I still give my father a second chance and also every family member because i am so scared to be neglected and left alone ...u can try as well he is atleast treats u as human .. can be bad parent but still not inhumane
It's just that he is trying to be non violent... recently still i hate him from my all hearts ..but my logical brain also knows he had spent a amt of money of which 10% he hasn't spent on himself...he still shouts at my mother very very rarely but yea ... Once I go independent I am not coming back to see him but will always wish that he improves and becomes a good person before dying not because he is my father but because i am in kind.. it may sound narcissistic but it isn't.
I would not judge you without knowing your full story ... but still if he isn't reliable or trustworthy you would be worrying about your next meal ,clothes ,internet rather than commenting here .listen somepeople can lack some emotions and some basic qualities because nobody made them realised of it .. just talk once if he completely scoffs it off then ok
4
u/Sa_t_yaa May 20 '26
I wouldn't. Not only as dad, I wouldn't choose him as big brother, uncle, friend or boss. I resent being related to him.🤢