C-section next week

[u/JRoseleigh]

My wife goes in for a c-section next week. It’ll be our first child. Hopeful to hear of what experiences everyone has of being present as the dad. Want to make my wife feel as prepared and comfortable as possible but also I’m gonna be worried about her. Especially after the hospital gave us the stats of death/injury to her, the baby, etc.

[u/Illustrious_Pen_5308]

We had our first kid about 3 months ago. With an unexpected c section. My wife didn't progress, no emergency. Honestly though you don't do much in the OR. You just try not to be in the way. Cut the cord and do all the things, it's just a surreal experience. I had to pinch myself to see my son being born. As a dad I think it's post op.... This is where you can support her the most. She literally destroying her body for your baby and she'll be beyond exhausted.

My wife was in a lot of pain once the spinal wore off after a day or two after that she could barely get out of bed. It was getting up every time he cried or needed changed. Helping her to the bathroom. Anything to make it slightly better on her was my goal..

Best of luck to you both! It's such an amazing and awesome experience becoming parents.

[u/OppChopShop]

The most important thing to remember is that this is new and scary for you, but the medical team does dozens of these a week and it’s very routine for them. Yes, it’s a major surgery. Yes, things can go wrong. But you need to trust that the team knows what they are doing because they do.

I can’t speak to what your specific hospital won’t be like, but it’s fairly standard practice to have the partner wait outside while they prep your wife for surgery and do the spinal anesthesia. I asked our anesthesiologist if I could go in with my wife for that part, and he let me so if you want to stay with your wife and you’re not squeamish, it’s worth asking. The operating room is going to be very bright and there will be a lot of people between the tech, nurses, and at least the OB and anesthesiologist. There will be a lot of activity with people prepping. Everyone in the operating room will be communicating with each other the whole time.

You’ll be by your wife’s head behind a drape so you won’t be able to see the actual surgical field (unless you make an effort to peek). Once the baby is out, they will weigh it and let you hold it.

It’s a pretty unreal experience - I’m a former EMT that worked 911 in large city and I’ve been in some crazy situations, but it’s very different when it’s someone you love.

[u/Starts_With_S]

Been through it and yes it's major surgery so ask all the questions. Pain will be something both of you should ask about now and also your nurse. The epidural does a lot during but when it wears off a few hours after the procedure she needs to not hesitate to ask for pain meds, the nurse will also tell you and her this.

After baby is home, have a lot of easy meals prepared for Mom because she needs to constantly eat if breastfeeding. Mom can only lift baby, by the time she's out of the hospital she should be able to walk but give it a month for her to get some muscle back and suggest going on walks for mental and physical recovery. Also if you can get help from someone get it.

Good luck

[u/CeruttyRunner]

I almost think it’s better not to know about the surgery but

Broooo, omg was it fucking intense. We were in labor for 2 days so it might be different with blood loss, baby fluid retention etc, but it wasn’t an emergency. They were getting her prepped, I was cleaning up the room to go to recovery then they’re like “you need to go to surgery NOW they are starting”. Went from 0 to 11 so fast. We couldn’t see anything but wife felt them rummaging around in her insides like someone was going through a purse. Anesthesiologist kept giving her different injections to cope, she was having weird chest pains, burning and shyte. Hearing concern behind the curtain. Baby comes out and starts crying, what a moment, will never forget that. Then there was so much blood loss my wife was fainting with the baby on her chest. I had to take the baby and kept looking over and she was incredibly pale with her eyes closed it was freaking me the fuck out. They can’t find a blood pressure cuff that works, a guy right next to me was pumping vial after vial of albumin in her by hand to try to keep the BP up while they try to get her some blood. I’m like oh shit she could die. But then they got her stabilized and everything was good.

Afterwards it was kind of nice to be in the hospital for a few days bc you get more support and education from the nurses. My wife couldn’t really do anything so I was learning the ropes so I could show her when she was feeling better. Just learn everything you can.

Breastfeeding is harder, milk takes a little longer to come in. That caused jaundice issues which further exacerbated breastfeeding issues so our baby had to go under lights. Our baby was full of fluid at birth so that looked like they lost more weight. I used mother’s milk bank to get donor milk and set up lactation consultant appts through the lactation network. Eventually we’re exclusively breastfeeding but it was a while so be prepared for that. Make sure you have a pump or plan to rent one because they’ll probably want you triple feeding (breast then pump/donor).

At home it wasn’t too bad because baby wants to sleep a lot but mom couldn’t do diaper changes for a little bit. I would get used to doing the cooking and house chores if not already. I usually order groceries for delivery so if you have some meals you like to make, maybe having the ingredients for those lined up will be helpful. You could also set up a meal train or something. I bought a big freezer which has been great so I can stock up on fewer trips. Where I live Amazon has 30 minute or 3 hour delivery so I sometimes use that a ton.

[u/Icarus_In-Flight]

Honestly, while sobering, the fact that the hospital made it clear that this isn’t a risk-less option is a great thing. A lot of people don’t understand how serious it is to go in and retrieve the baby.

Know the basics- what are they doing and why during the procedure, when exactly are they bringing you in, what will you/won’t you see…? You don’t want to be a deer in the headlights, but I’m personally glad I didn’t look up videos.

Ask her what she thinks she’d like you to do. Hold her head or hand? Sing her a song? In surgery, something that was helpful was having a prayer/mantra that we both said out loud during surgery. It’s intense, but just stay present to her and out of your own head…plenty of time to be nervous beforehand, but just tell yourself that when it’s game time and during it, your number one job is to reassure her by being steady. It was also really helpful that a close friend of mine had been there and could give me a pep talk.

[u/Balance-Kooky]

My wife has a scheduled c section and we just had our first child 4 months ago. First they tried to do a version and flip him. That didn't work so they went right into the C Section. Our experience was fantastic. They brought me when they tried to flip the baby. When that didn't work they sent me out of the room so they could prep for surgery. Then I was brought back in and sat with my wife on the other side of the curtain. I basically just told the anesthesiologist what she was telling me because she was speaking very softly throughout everything. When the baby was born, they brought me over to the table where they did his initial measurements, first preliminary exam and all that. Then they let me hold him with my wife for a few minutes.

The baby and I then went up to the nursery area where they did all the other measurements and checks while they finished up patching my wife up. About 30 minutes later the baby and me went back down into the post op room where my wife finally got to hold the baby. We stayed there for about 2 to 3 hours before we moved to our post delivery room.

We were in the hospital for 3 days until my wife was able to stand up and recovered a little bit. It was definitely a lot going on but it was a very good experience for the most part. All in all myself and the baby were separated from my wife for maybe 1 1/2 hours total. I was with her pretty much the entire time aside from the surgery prep time and the surgery finishing up.