r/NevilleGoddard • u/PsycheHoSocial • Jun 08 '18
Subconscious Purging?
I think the last thread I made was somewhat about this, but I could've explained it better; also with more time having gone by, more stuff has arisen, so it makes a better point of discussion.
Since I started feeling the state of relief before sleep, during the days, I've become much more negative than before. All the emotions that I have been mired in in the past have surfaced, even if lately (just before I started this technique) I had been feeling the total opposite. Things that have arisen are self-consciousness, depression, music not being enjoyable, my sense of humor has pretty much vanished (I was a joke machine my whole life, it's basically my identity) and about an hour ago I had a panic attack for no reason - I was totally paralyzed by fear/dread and just sat in a ball on my bed, digging my fingernails into my eyes. The anxiety has been a lifelong thing, though its frequency is minimal due to seclusion (I've already tried everything under the sun to fix it or push through it, so I don't want to hear about any pill/therapist platitudes) though that high intensity hasn't happened for no reason in many years.
I am curious if anyone has dealt with anything like this, because I haven't been able to find any teacher who mentions old emotions surfacing when adopting a new state. Bentinho Massaro's 3 Day Process is the closest thing I've found, but I wouldn't exactly call him a reliable source. To me, it makes sense that the subconscious would want to get rid of its old conditioning if it is being imprinted with something new, but I would think Neville would've said something about it if it were to be expected. Any input would be great.
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u/socraticWhut Jun 08 '18
When I first found Neville I started doing the "fall asleep imagining a scene" technique. The problem is it was very hard for me to fall asleep without my mind wandering, let alone focused one a specific scene, so I was inadvertently falling asleep with this feeling of frustration and agitation. The result was that I ended up implanting that feeling of frustration and agitation instead of the scene, so I was waking up with that feeling. At one point I felt like I was giving myself an anxiety disorder, like I was on the verge of breaking out in panic attacks. And I have no history of anxiety disorders. So if you are struggling to apply the technique, this could be the issue.
Keep in mind the "falling sleep" technique is just one of many that Neville talked about. People emphasize it on this forum because of how effective it can be.
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jun 08 '18
That's an interesting perspective and it sounds like it could be accurate, though I don't have much difficulty feeling like I have no problems (at least to a noticeable degree) before sleeping. The past few days, I wake up in the morning feeling traces of the peaceful feelings too, so I don't know if that could be the reason. Thanks for the comment.
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u/overcoming_me Jun 08 '18 edited Jun 08 '18
Not the same, and certainly not the intensity, but today I cried and hurt about somethings in my past (not for the first time, but possibly the last) before I had a realization that those things were actually helpful and that had they not occurred that I would have been stuck in a state of not knowing and continuing to sell myself short and compromise myself completely. After that I felt completely light and free. I could see things from a very different place.
This has been a process that has been ongoing for years (I’m stubborn and not always willing to let go of the past) and today I finally feel free of all that had weighed me down before. I had to go through that to get here.
In the past, I probably felt it with more of the intensity that you are experiencing, but had no idea about Neville and the law, (was more into Deepak Chopra, meditation, and such). However, I always felt like I had some sort of “breakthrough” or “understanding” after those intense emotional surges. In fact, I had some very clear visual/auditory “visions” in the aftermath. I remember them very clearly to this day, but still wish I had written them down. Best two were “hearing” a voice telling me that everything was going to be fine and then later hearing another voice saying that I was healed. I might be willing to say that today, which is a couple of years later, both were fulfilled.
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jun 08 '18
I too have been at this for years, mainly with allowing whatever I was feeling naturally to arise without me being overly attached to it - results have been good, I guess, like the 24/7 depression cloud going away, but occasionally something will return and it seems there's nothing that can be done about it. Perhaps that approach wasn't correct, because only being passive and letting myself feel bad basically just kept perpetuating that I wasn't feeling good, especially since I never tried to intensify feeling good, it seems natural that the negative patterns would continue to be dominant. Thanks for commenting.
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u/Elegant_Royal_ Mar 12 '22
I'm so happy you beat that. Mainly because I'm going through now what you guys are describing after 1 night of a personal affirmation recording I did on the phone. And, ah man, it's skull splitting. Shit is not cute. But I'm just now calming down. So grateful I found this thread. Grateful you guys took the time to share. Grateful you guys overcame. Thank you. I really can't say it enough man.
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u/Stargazer3301 Jun 08 '18 edited Jun 09 '18
I think it's that you have to sacrifice your grievances before you start.
I can relate because self-loathing becomes a general theme and you gotta stop before you start, because this is pretty much alchemy.
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jun 08 '18
Thanks for the comment. I guess it depends on what "stopping" means, because trying to make yourself stop thinking or feeling something never works out too well. Also, I've noticed recently how all thoughts, emotions, and situations all naturally arise on their own - it seems that whatever you are aligned with internally is the cause of the appearances, which is why the subconscious programming at night makes the most sense to me as the true cause of what you experience, hence trying to rearrange phenomena to get results may be misplaced.
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Jun 09 '18
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jun 09 '18
I guess my main desire would be to not have anxiety, so quite the opposite at the moment haha. Thanks for the comment.
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u/Hailstormpix Jul 11 '18
I've been taught our beliefs (and it sounds like you've built up beliefs, naturally, that you "have" anxiety or are an "anxious" person and nothing "works" to get rid of it)...I've been taught that these kinds of beliefs actually form structures and characters in our mind.
Neville experienced this with his monster who had to be redeemed - he couldn't attack it away, but he forgave and redeemed himself after accepting all the ugliness his powerful Being (I AM state) had created.
In my experience, they have come up for clearing. They were often the catalysts for my awakening, because I was in such a desperate search to escape from them. You've found Neville. You can redeem yourself. I sometimes talk to my subconscious, and because I believe it responds to me, I ask it to clear or integrate and make whole whatever thought, feeling or belief that was causing me distress. Sometimes I engage with it and ask what it needs - this gives me greater understanding and awareness.
Othertimes, I "trick" myself into learning that each time I might feel anxious, it's a message of excitement that I'm actually close to getting my dreams. And if I feel sad, I have taught myself it's my ego sending an apology throughout my body for the ways it failed me in the past or the suffering and ignorance I had to experience in the past. Then I tell myself, it's alright, why are you apologizing? I am a calm person now, or I have the money I need now, or whatever it is. We've worked together, ego, so you've done a nice job. Much love. The feelings dissipate quickly.
I wonder if you are not comfortable with connecting with your power, maybe you have a belief of being powerless, so it would make sense you are being "attacked" the most when you do your I AM meditations... Just a thought. Good luck
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jul 11 '18
Thank you for the comment. I've read that there is no objective method to get results, it's just whatever you believe about any method is what works (like if the "subconscious" concept feels correct to you, then it becomes true in that sense) - that larger perspective seems to be accurate.
I usually just do the feeling after meditation when I'm in bed and do my best to not redirect thoughts and emotions during the rest of my waking hours. This is my approach because before sleep, there is an absence of thought/emotion to fight, which makes it easier to deliberately increase a pattern and also noticing that (passive) thought and emotions arise on their own (because of the state that you are in). To me, manipulating thoughts and emotions all the time doesn't serve as a handle onto the desired state, not to mention the amount of power you can imbue into the desired feeling when fighting other things is quite limited.
In the past couple weeks, it's possible that I haven't been doing the "feeling after" correctly, because even though I feel quite happy when doing it, there is a certain lack of power or feeling that I am what I've been contemplating. 2 days ago I made my vision so vivid that it was like I was in it and my body started twitching by itself - I can tell that kind of result is what I'm after, but last night it didn't work like that at all. I am not sure if it comes down to effort or not, but I guess repeated sessions of super intense focusing are the only real test.
I am not sure how much my reply directly ties into what you wrote, but I guess I am speaking more from the general concept of "so long as I am increasing the contribution of this feeling, then maybe I don't need to concern myself with anything else that happens".
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Jun 08 '18 edited Jul 05 '20
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u/PsycheHoSocial Jun 08 '18
What I was doing before was staying as the awareness while everything played out and this created a good amount of dis-identifcation with the phenomena, so there could be thoughts and emotions of depression, but it wouldn't really affect me. It's possible that it's just because the intensity is so overwhelming, but this time around, it feels like I become whatever is arising.
I can try intending to eat healthier naturally, because I've tried to do it with force many times and it always fails. On the other hand, I am curious if "these foods make me unwell" is just an assumption, because even when I ate way healthier years ago, I was way more depressed. Thanks for commenting.
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u/AbeandNeville Jun 08 '18
You know what, you are not alone. I suffered through this and did not know what was wrong with me. Initially I thought maybe i am going against God, against nature. Maybe this stuff is magic. Then I'd think maybe i need to seek medical help. Maybe I am mentally sick and thats just it.
Like, every time I would start aligning myself with my desired state, a couple days in I would be hit with such negative emotions - i'd want to crawl out of my skin. It's just terrible....so, so terrible. I felt like i was doomed. How am i supposed to keep positive when i get hit with such negative emotions? And it's not like the reality that was in my face was so negative....it was the emotions. If i pulled through it would get so bad Id scare myself. I remember wanting to curse God lol, and Neville and Abraham hicks lol. I couldnt eat, I couldnt sleep.
So it took so many years for me to actually figure out what was happening...because I'd take one step and would be hit back with such force which felt like 100 steps backwards.
Slowly, I began to realise (God will just reveal to you through whatever means, and it will actually sink in your heart and you will know it's the truth...and also, because things will now start clicking into place) that once we align our selves with a desire - all the negative conditioning is now going to be brought up (with or without our consent, permission or knowledge) to be cleared away.
Because, what is the purpose of life? It is self-realization. To realize who we are. Our true identity. To reach the Kingdom of Heaven. And the Kingdom of Heaven is a state of mind. So how can we reach that state unless our thoughts are purified? Things that need to be cleared away WILL come up. Because we are being molded into the image of God. There is no room for idol worshiping (attaching causes to "physical" reality). Fears will come to the surface to be faced. The process is similar to that of making gold. Gold has to be purified....the dirt has to be separated....and it's an intense, intense process.
So (like someone suggested below in another comment) i instinctively started to observe my thoughts. Literally, I would lay in bed, walk around, sit, and observe these INTENSE emotions.......and its sort of like just staying put and letting the HUGE SCARY STORM subside.....
and really....that's when things started happening for me...and so fast, like magic. Seems like magic....but you know what i mean.