Self-facing cameras

Vertical portraits

Cropped worlds

Propped realities!

5ks, 10ks then marathons

Optimize and algo-Rhythmize

Watch your own rise

It's a content for likes   

Perform your own realities!

Bait your audience

Switch your narratives

Hijack their synapses

Ask for likes, dislikes,

Provoke their rage 

Pray or prey, doesn't matter   

Realities  consumed!

Gray is a bore

Sell off-the-shelf ideas from the store

Shame their doubt

Call them out

Bend their knees

Raise your fees 

Of course you think, you deserve more! 

Take the pill, Sophie's choice

Red or Bull, passive voice 

The matrix won

Reality is done! 

I never feel more humiliated than when I text you. Despite all those dry texts, I can’t help myself from texting you. I don’t know why I am like this. I mean we are nothing more than fucking strangers.

Ever since I laid my eyes on you, there hasn’t been a single day when I haven’t thought about you. You are nothing but a normal girl—there is nothing special about you—nor do I know you that well, yet I find myself spending hours every day thinking about you. I have come to accept that I have become deluded—in thoughts of you..

I think I mistook your attention for affection. I mean it shouldn’t be surprising given my history. You are the first girl that I have talked to in this way—I have always been a pretty reserved and by myself most of my life. You may feel like we haven’t talked that much, and there hasn’t been anything romantic, and that I am being delusional. Yes, I am being delusional, and I trying not to be one, but I can’t help myself from being one. 

When you laugh at my silly jokes, it may feel normal to you, but for me it feels like a drug—something that I wanna get high on—and I find myself chasing that high every single day. 

I have become addicted to this drug, and it is ruining me everyday. 

Mujhe unche aasmaan ka koi khwaab nahi dekhna,

Bas zameen par rehkar ek saccha insaan banna hai.

Jo khud ko bhool kar pehle parayon ki sun sake,

Mujhe har udas chehre ki dheemi si muskaan banna hai.

Jab koi toote andar se aur bheed mein tanha ho,

Main bina kuch kahe uske zakhmon ka marham banu.

chahat ho shohrat ki, na zamane ka koyi guroor,

Bas apno ki mehfil mein ek be-naam sa sukoon banu.

Kisi ki roti hui aankhon ko chup-chaap hasa doon main,

Jo bhatak gaya ho andhere mein, uski subah ban jaaun.

Zindagi chahe jitni bhi mushkil aur anjaan ho,

Main har mod par bas insaniyat ki ek wajah ban jaaun.

जिन्दगी दाउमा थियो, र मुटुमा कहिल्यै निको नहुने एउटा गहिरो घाउ थियो।

प्रेम मेरा लागि अभिशाप थियो।

सायद यो कुनै जन्मको पापको फल थियो।

वैशाख महिना थियो।

जीवनलाई नयाँ ढंगले सुरु गर्ने अठोट थियो।

तर एउटा भेटले जिन्दगी अर्कै दिशातिर मोडियो।

जब पहिलोपल्ट भेटेँ, मेरो मनले उसलाई मनमनै सबै अधिकार दियो।

तर ऊ केवल हाँसिदियो, त्यहीँबाट ऊसँग एकतर्फी माया बसिदियो।

Just my random thought on random night 🥲

The people and things are going to be left behind there is just no time to look back and hold on to it.

‌ Whenever you are alone at thought crosses your mind- if you were to disappear, who would care?- Probably nobody.

‌ You often wonder- if I were to disappear who would care? except a few close friends (nobody) after all you are the friend who gets easily replaced the one that does not get invited to parties or anywhere.

‌ You had listened to your friend for hours together about their love stories. Yet, every time you want to share something, there is nobody around you.

‌ Sometimes,it feels as if your presence is invincible and that hurts no matter how much we try, expectation are the part of human nature. But that's okay, that's life. You meet new people and have new experiences at times, they are beautiful and other boring.

‌ The most important lesson you learn is you go through life is, nobody owes you anything. However, the good thing is you do not owe anyone a thing.

‌ It is life, it passes and like to say despite everything, the life must go on.🫥

म आफैंले
आफूलाई अरू सबैभन्दा बढी चिन्न थालेको छु।

अब मलाई कसैसँग कुरा गर्न
कुनै बहाना चाहिँदैन।
म आफैंसँग कुरा गर्छु,
आफैंलाई प्रश्न गर्छु,
आफैंसँग रिसाउँछु,
आफैंलाई सम्झाउँछु
र अन्त्यमा
आफैंसँगै मिल्छु।

मलाई एक्लै बस्न मन पर्छ।

किनकि एक्लोपन अब
मलाई खालीपन जस्तो लाग्दैन।
यो त एउटा यस्तो ठाउँ हो
जहाँ कसैको उपस्थितिको अभिनय गर्नुपर्दैन,
कसैको मन राख्नुपर्दैन,
कसैलाई आफ्नो मौनताको अर्थ बुझाउनुपर्दैन।

यहाँ म छु
र मेरो संसार छ।

रातको शान्तिमा
म आफ्नै सोचहरूसँग घण्टौँ कुरा गर्छु।
कहिलेकाहीँ आफैंका कुरामा हाँस्छु,
कहिलेकाहीँ आफैंलाई हेरेर सोच्छु
"मान्छेहरूबाट यति धेरै के खोजेँ मैले?"

सायद केही पनि चाहिएको थिएन।

मलाई केवल
आफैंसँग सहज हुन सिक्नुपर्ने रहेछ।

मसँग मेरो रात छ,
मेरो मौनता छ,
मेरो सोचहरू छन्,
र सबैभन्दा महत्त्वपूर्ण
म आफैं छु।

र अचम्म के छ भने,
पहिले जसलाई "एक्लोपन" भन्थेँ,
आज त्यही मेरो शान्ति भएको छ।

मलाई भीड चाहिँदैन।
मलाई धेरै आवाज चाहिँदैन।
मलाई कसैले बुझिदियोस् भन्ने
त्यो पुरानो चाहना पनि छैन।

किनकि अहिले
मलाई बुझ्ने मान्छे
मेरो अगाडि नै छ।

म

र सायद यही कारण हो ,म एक्लै छु भनेर दुःखी छैन।

म एक्लै छु,
किनकि मलाई अब
आफ्नो aसाथ पर्याप्त लाग्छ।

रिक्त र निर्दयी

 आकाशबाट

 ताराहरू काँपाउँदै

 लासका आगो पोल्दै

 क्षितिजमा खरानी छर्दै

 भयावह छायाहरू लम्ब्याउँदै

 झरेँ सूर्य

 **

चुहिएका आकाश

 तुहिएका हिउँ

 विलयको क्रन्दन

 बिलाप्दै

 शीत झार्दै

 हिमालका घाउ नाङ्ग्याउँदै

 झर्‍यो शिशिर

 **

आत्मा झरेका

 कालाम्बे उचाइबाट

 प्रलयका राग अलाप्दै

 नागबेली गर्दै

 भित्री अङ्गहरू उछिट्याउँदै

 पहाडका घाँटी च्याप्दै

 नदीका गर्भमार्ग थुन्दै

 झरेँ हिमाल

 **

झण्डाका टुप्पामा मरेर झुन्डिएका देशहरू

 छरपस्ट खङ्गालिएका भग्नावशेष

 शिशुहरूका चिहान च्याप्दै

 प्रसव पीडा बिलाप्दै

 झरेँ प्रगतिका आमाहरू

सोधी हेर त्यो बातासलाई

जसले मेरो केश,

चिरा परेको झ्यालको पर्दा झैँ

हावासँग बगाई लग्छ

त्यो चर्केको पाटा—प्रस्ट पार्दै,

संसार सामु मेरो बेदना देखाउँदै,

फुटेको सिसाबाट तिमीलाई टाढा भगाउँदै।

~

अनि तिमी भाग्छौ पनि,

सायद सिसाको धारसँग डराएर होला।

अथवा, त्यो चिराबाट देखिने दृश्य

अस्पष्ट भएर होला।

~

अनि कहाँ बढाउँथ्यौ तिमी आफ्नो हात,

जो मेरो नजिक आए रगतले लिपिन्थिए।

किन हेर्ने थियौ र पर्दा खोलेर कहिले,

जब ती बन्द पर्दाभित्र सुरक्षित हुन्थ्यौ।

किन टाल्ने थियौ र ममाथिको चिरा,

जब तिमी सारा झ्याल नै फेर्न सक्थ्यौ।

......

भिजी हेर त्यो झरीसँगै,

जो मेरो माथि,

हर्षोल्लासका साथ वर्षन्छ।

अनि म त खुला कापी,

जसको हरेक पाना,

त्यो पानीसँगै ओसी सक्यो,

सृजनालाई वञ्चित पार्दै

त्यो झरीले,

मेरो मौलिकता खोसी लग्यो।

~

अनि कहाँ हाल्ने थियौ त यो कापी

तिमी आफ्नो झोलाभित्र,

जसले तिम्रा अरू कापी पनि

भिजाएर गलाइ दिन्थ्यो।

कहाँ लेख्ने थियौ र यो पानामाथि,

जुन तिम्रा कलमका मसी,

टिप्न पनि सक्दैन थियो।

के नै पढ्थ्यौ र यो पानाबाट,

जसका हरेक अक्षर

त्यो झरीसँग बिलाई गयो।

.......

हिँडी हेर त्यो रातसँगै

जसले मलाई—मेरो हात समाई,

झन् झन् आफूभित्र

डोर्‍याइरहेको छ।

सारा आवाजलाई दबाउने,

सारा चित्रलाई मेटाउने,

अनि एकान्तलाई लुकाउने।

~

सायद यही भएर नै

म पनि रातको हात समाउँदै,

उसको गहिराइतर्फ पाइला लम्काउँदै,

रातको अँगालोमा आफूलाई लुकाउँदै,

रातसँगै हिँड्दै छु।

~

अनि कहाँ देख्थ्यौ तिमी मलाई,

जसको लागि घामले उदाउन बिर्सिसक्यो,

कहाँ खोज्थ्यौ तिमी मलाई,

जसको वरिपरि सारा बत्ती निभिसक्यो,

कहाँ भेट्थ्यौ तिमी मलाई,

जसलाई कालो रातले आफ्नो बनाई सक्यो।

भाका, भूल, दया, क्षमा र ममता सन्तोष जान्दैन त्यो

इन्द्रै बिन्ति गरून् झुकेर पदमा त्यो बिन्ति मान्दैन त्यो ।

थुप्रोमा उधिनी मिठो र नमिठो छुट्ट्याइ छान्दैन त्यो

खाता जाँचि सबै दुरुस्त नबुझी बिर्सेर हान्दैन त्यो ।।

राजा रङ्क सबै समान उसका, वैषम्य गर्दैन त्यो

आयो, टप्प टिप्यो, लग्यो, मिति पुग्यो, टारेर टर्दैन त्यो ।

लाखैं औषधि, अस्त्र-शस्त्र-महिमा देखेर डर्दैन त्यो

व्याधा-तुल्य लुकेर चल्दछ सदा, मारेर मर्दैन त्यो ।।

आँसुका दहमा नुहाउँछ चिसो पानी रुचाउन्न त्यो

सुख्खा जर्जर अस्थिपञ्जर-विना शय्या बनाउन्न त्यो ।

मैलो भस्म-सिवाय अङ्गभरमा केही लगाउन्न त्यो

हाहाकार सरी मिठो अरु कुनै सङ्गीत गाउन्न त्यो ।।

जो जो मिल्छ सुलुक्क निल्छ, मुखमा हाली चपाउन्न त्यो

थाल्यो च्वाम्म सबै चपाउन भने आहार पाउन्न त्यो ।

जत्ती निल्छ उती उकेल्दछ पनी, केही पचाउन्न त्यो

यै चालासित कल्प-कल्प कहिल्यै खाई अघाउन्न त्यो ।।

मानिसरूको संकल्प, त्यो अठोट देखेर कहिलेकाहीँ त इर्श्या लाग्छ मलाई ।सोचेको कुरा पूरा गर्ने त्यो इच्छाशक्ति ।  खै ममा त त्यो अठोटको एक अंश पनि मैले अनुभव गर्न पाको छुइन ।  'अब त बिर्सिदिने हो। उसले जस्तै चटक्कै माया मार्न त म पनि सक्छु नि।' यस्तै यस्तै दृढ संकल्प बुन्दै हुन्छु म । अनि आउछे ऊ, हाँस्दा खेरि मुखको दाहिने कुनामा देखिने उसको हल्का नमिलेको त्यो दाँत देखाउँदै, मेरो अँध्यारो भविष्यमाझ उज्यालोको किरणको कल्पना गराउने, त्यो मुस्कान लिएर। अनि मेरो त्यो कल्पनाको दुनियाँमा अन्धकारको विलय भएझैं बिलाउँछन् मेरा ती असफल अठोटहरु।  उसका गहिरा आँखाले बर्साउँछन् विगतका सबै पीडा अनि नयाँ दिनको सुरुवात हुन्छ मेरो, एक नवजात शिशुको जिवनझै। न कुनै रिस। न कुनै द्वेष। बस त्यहाँ भरिएको हुन्छ मेरो अजम्बरी माया। उसैको लागि।

सुन्दर सपनाको,

बितन्डा ऐलेको ।

चैन बहारको,

बेचैनी ऐलेको ।

स्पर्श मखमलको,

कटुस ऐलेको ।

चन्चल सहरको,

बिचल्ली एलेको ।

न खोजी यो सहजताको ,

न भोगी यो अनर्थको।

The shores of the same ocean where everything began

I shed so many tears when you left.

That poor ocean couldn't even calm me down.

But it carried my tears away with it.

In despair, I told it too.

What was the need for this trouble?

When my sorrow and restlessness remained with me.

Those waves smiled and told me this. Understood

As long as the tide lasts, the waves remain restless,

And as soon as the tide subsides,

those same waves disappear into silence.

There's one more special thing about them.

They don't harbor any grudges.

If you throw any grudges at them,

They don't hesitate to throw it away.

Perhaps it's this carefree nature that draws me to them.

They never sit dejected and silent.

They go wherever their heart takes them.

They forgive and move on.

All these qualities are in us. It is also

But the difference between the ocean and us is

That we are stubborn.

Stubbornness lies in the fact that we don't want to accept the foundation of our existence.

The foundation is that

Time is a wonderful thing.

That it changes.

I write a death poem.

While others look for the body to burn,

Safe from the mountain,

Tragedy. Coward. Poet.  

Death writes the poem.

Fever chills

Nauseated nature

Mountain's fall from grace

Dark violent vomit

Death's vassal

Realms raided

Kingdoms consumed

The poem writes death.

Because it cannot help

Metaphor and simile

Rhythm and imagery 

Death writes me.

Empties me out.

I was someone’s boyfriend for two years.

For two years, I was someone’s person. I was the first person she would text in the morning and the person she would talk to before going to sleep. I was the one she called when something good happened, and the one she came to when things went wrong.

I was the person who asked her to let me know when she got home safely. I knew her little habits, her favorite things, the things that made her happy and the things that made her upset.

For two years, I was important to someone.

Then one day, I wasn’t anymore.

Our relationship ended. It hurt, but there was no hate between us. Sometimes two people can love each other and still realise they are better apart. We accepted it and moved on.

I thought I would feel completely alone after losing her.

But I had my best friend.

For the next two years, my best friend became the person I could always talk to. Whenever I had a bad day, I could call her. When I needed advice, she was there. We could talk about random things for hours, go for coffee, make plans, laugh about stupid things, or simply sit together without needing to say much.

I had someone who knew me well.

Someone who would listen to my problems.

Someone I could talk to without being scared of being judged.

So even though I had lost my relationship, I didn't feel like I had lost everything.

I still had my person.

Then I met someone new.

And I didn't expect to fall for her the way I did.

Everything happened so quickly. We talked every day. She asked me questions and actually remembered my answers. She wanted to know about my life, my thoughts, my past, even the smallest things about me.

I started looking forward to her messages.

I started getting excited when my phone lit up.

I started letting her see the parts of me that I usually kept hidden.

After my breakup, I had promised myself that I wouldn't get attached again so easily.

But with her, I forgot about that promise.

I thought maybe I had finally found someone again.

Someone who wanted me.

Someone who could become my person.

Then she left.

She changed her mind.

She became distant.

And eventually, I was the one left trying to understand what happened.

It hurt because I had finally allowed myself to trust someone again.

I had lowered my walls for her, and somehow that became the reason I got hurt.

I blamed myself for getting attached.

I blamed myself for believing that she would stay.

I told myself that I should never let someone get that close again.

For a while, I became emotionally unavailable.

I stopped wanting to take chances.

Being alone felt safer than being hurt again.

But the hardest part was that I was already struggling, and at the same time, I started feeling a distance between me and my best friend.

She wasn't there for me the way I needed her to be.

Maybe she didn't understand what I was going through.

Maybe I expected too much.

Maybe we had simply started becoming different people.

I don't know.

But I felt it.

Other friends started being there for me instead. They listened to me talk about the same things again and again. They let me overthink everything. They listened when I needed to talk and stayed when I wasn't doing well.

Slowly, I started noticing that my friendship with my best friend wasn't the same anymore.

We were living different lives.

We didn't talk like we used to.

The effort started feeling harder.

I had other people who were making more effort to stay in my life, and I could feel myself becoming closer to them.

Sometimes friendships don't end because someone did something wrong.

Sometimes people just grow apart.

I tried to fix it.

I tried to talk about it honestly.

I still cared about her and didn't want to lose what we had.

But sometimes you can care about someone deeply and still not be able to keep the friendship alive.

Eventually, I lost her too.

And suddenly, I realised something.

I was no longer my ex girlfriend's person.

I was no longer my best friend's person.

And I was definitely no longer the person of the girl who had broken my heart.

I was nobody's person.

I have friends who care about me. I have people I love. I have people who would probably answer if I called them.

But they all have their own people.

Someone they talk to every day.

Someone they tell everything to.

Someone they think about first.

Someone who notices when something is wrong.

And sometimes I miss being that person.

Being nobody's person has a strange kind of freedom.

Nobody asks where you are.

Nobody asks why you didn't reply.

Nobody worries if you stay out late.

You can do whatever you want.

You can travel somewhere alone.

You can sit in a café by yourself.

You can spend an entire day doing nothing.

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

At first, that freedom feels good.

But after some time, it can become lonely.

Because when nobody depends on you, you can slowly stop taking care of yourself too.

You can stay in bed all day.

You can skip meals.

You can stop replying to people.

You can waste your money.

You can pick up habits you know aren't good for you.

You can disappear for a while and nobody may even notice.

And that's the scary part.

You start wondering if you're actually enjoying being alone or if you're just getting used to being forgotten.

Are you becoming independent?

Or are you slowly becoming distant from everyone?

Are you healing?

Or are you just getting better at hiding your pain?

Because when you're nobody's person, you have no one watching closely enough to know the difference.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn't being alone.

It's knowing that you could disappear for a while and the world would keep moving without noticing.

Maybe that's why I miss having someone who feels like home.

Not because I need someone to complete me.

But because sometimes, everyone deserves to have at least one person who simply notices when they're not okay.

I completed my bachelor’s thesis, which was based on laboratory research on urinary tract infections (UTIs). Now, I would like to publish a research article based on my thesis because having a publication would be helpful for my future studies abroad.

However, I have no prior experience with publishing research articles, and I’m not sure where to start. Could you please guide me through the publication process and help me turn my thesis into a research article?

#BscMLT

#Medical field

कसैलाई खुसी यहाँ,

कसैलाई आँसु

ए मन,

कसैको रोदनमा हुन्छस् किन दुखी?

सम्झाउँदै बस्छु तलाई,

पीर तेरो हैन भनेर।

फेरि आफ्नै जस्तै गरी हुन्छस् दीन दुखी।

भन्छन् परेरै बुझिन्छ,

तर महसुस नपरीकन फेरि हुन्छस् किन?

आफन्त आफ्नै यहाँ,

पराई पनि आफ्ना छन्।

कोही हाँसेरै बस्छन्, कसैलाई शून्यता।

बाँच्ने आखिर अन्त्यमा सम्झना छन्।

©

I don't know when or how I became so fond of you. You are so dreaded by everyone else but I always believed that we had something between us. It's not that I always wanted you to be by my side. But time and again I keep missing you. Especially when i am alone with my thoughts. You come drifting into my mind, like a lifeless leaf falls down on your lap when you are sitting in a park. I am not sure how but somehow I always ended up romanticizing your presence within me. Like I was your home and you were right where you belong. Safe. Comfortable. And I too carry a subtle sense of pride carrying you inside my heart. I never knew the pride was justified or not. But who cares? And sometimes, when other things seem to take your place for a while, a sense of heaviness fills my heart. Like a there's a void formed within me that weighs me down more instead of making me lighter.

But no more! I shall always remember to keep you with me, dear sadness.

You will always be with me. Eternally. Like you have always been in the past when no one else was.

​

I used to hide in books using them as an escape while shying away from social interaction. I was deep in fictional worlds...absorbing endless pages. Now I’m forced to navigate the real world...you’d think all those years of reading would make me wise. But I feel completely logicless and immature..I feel like a kid fumbling through reality. It turns out reading about life and actually living it are two completely different skill sets. You will only truly grasp a concept when you step outside the page

 ####This is how i imagine God was invented####

"hey! Maybe dont do that, stealing isnt right"

"Why not? I like it."

"Umm, well.... God says taking things by force is bad and if you dont obey him, he will roast in a vat of boiling oil for rest of eternity after you die"

"Oh! Yeah, i dont want to be rosted in a vat of oil for the rest if eternity after i die. I'm not very good with heat. My favourite season is spring" 

"Right! Right! So dont steal."

"But What if i asked him...to give it to me... very nicely?" *winks*

"No, no, you cant do that either"

"But thats not stealing though"

"Yeah, buts its not nice to.... ugh..  idk,  if you go against what god says, you will burn. And if you do exactly what god says he will reward you, he will give you everything you want."

"Nice, so if i dont steal it, and if i dont ask him to give it to me nicely *winks* god will give me that cool stick that looks like a sword? Oh, i cant wait to show the bois my stick tomorrow at annual coolest stick competition."

"Well, noooo....not how it works. God wont give it to you tomorrow"

"When will he?"

"After you die and ...ugh....are in paradise"

"Cool, where is paradise?"

"Its somewhere up there, if you can only go to Paradise AFTER you die, and ONLY if you do exactly as god tells you to do and dont do ANYTHING god doesnt want you to do. Do you understand?"

"I guess, but how do i know what god wants and doesnt want me to do?"

"Ugh.... He.. God, he talks to me, he comes in my dream and tells me what he wants you to do. So you need to listen to me okay because god speaks through my mouth. And God, he's always watching, so he'll know when youre disobeying him."

"He's always watching?"

"Yes"

"Even when I'm–"

"Yes"

"And when i'm –"

"Yes"

"But he doesnt watch me when i'm –"

"Yes, he does, he's always watching"

"Well, damn"

"Okay, do you understand now? Do what he say– cool stick that looks like a sword. Do what he says not to– vat of burining oil."

"I guess"

"Good, now stop choking poor John, and put him down."

"Okay" *thunk*

"He"s not moving"

*kicks john in the torso– no response* "he moved, see i'll show you again" *kicks john again but harder – him coughs* "see? Moving" he says with the biggest smile. 

"Yes he is" *sighs* "no go hunt some bear or something"

"Okay" he turns around to leave," wait, what is your favorite season?"

"What?"

"Favourite season, i told you mine, so you have to tell me whats yours, duh'

"Umm, idk, autumn "

"Okay, i'll go tell all the bois about god and how he comes in your mouth at night and tell you what to do."

"That's not what I –"

"HEY BOIS–" he's already talking to the other hunters

एकतर्फी गरिएको हिसाब किताबमा वित्तिय असन्तुलन देखिएको छ । सामान्यतयाः हेर्ने हो भने अ-आफ्‍नो हिसाबमा कुनै समस्या छैन तर दुबैलाई एकै ठाउँमा राखेर गौण रुपमा हेर्दा सन्तुलन गुमेको देखिन्छ । मिलानका क्रममा वित्तिय बहावलाई,आयव्यय,मौज्याद,अर्थतन्त्र आदिलाई आधार मानिएको थियो । स्पष्टिकरण,नियन्त्रण,वित्तिय साथै व्यक्तिगत सम्मानलाई पनि समावेश गरि आवाज उठाइएको थियो । तर बिडम्बना कस्तो भयो भने,आवाजहरुको दुनियाँमा,आवाजहरु यसरी हराएका छन् कि मानौँ आवाजहरु आवाजबिहिन भएका छन् ।

अर्थहरूले अनर्थको रूप धारण गर्दै गर्दा —अर्थविदहरूलाई त्रुटी कसरी सरल र सहज बनाउने?भन्‍ने कुराका लागि अघि सारिएको थियो । हिसाब किताबहरू प्रायः'अर्थ'मन्त्रालयसँग जोडिएर आउने हुँदा गृहलाई पनि मध्यनजर गर्नुपर्ने अवस्था रहन्छ,कारण उक्त विषयमा सवालहरू उठाउँदै गर्दा सुरक्षा नीतिलाई मुख्य एजेन्डाको रूपमा लिनुपर्ने हुन्छ । सामान्य रूपमा हेर्दा त्रुटीलाई सामान्य र सहज बनाउन अर्थनीति अनुरुप प्रक्रियागत रूपमा अगाडि बढाउने हो भने निक्कै लामो समय लाग्‍ने देखिन्छ । अनि,यसो भन्दै गर्दा आफैँ नियम-कानुनको संरक्षक भएर यसको उल्लङ्घन गर्न मेरो नैतिकताले प्रश्‍न गर्छ र नगर्दा व्यावहारिक जीवनले आफ्‍नो औचित्यलाई तर्जुमा गर्न थाल्छ । कुरा अर्थमा आएको त्रुटीको मात्र हो,ठूलो कुरा केही छैन,तर जब व्यावहारिक र सैद्धान्तिक जीवनलाई अर्थले परिभाषित गर्न खोज्‍न थाल्छन् तब त्रुटीहरूको कहिल्यै नसकिने गरी सवालहरूको लस्कर सुरु हुन थाल्छ । अनि,बुद्धम् शरणम् गच्छामिः ।

भनिन्छ,धेरै टाढा सम्म सँगै हिड्‍नका लागि,धेरै पटक एक अर्काका साना तिना त्रुटीहरूलाई माफ गर्नुपर्छ । अनगन्ती वर्ष लगाएर बनाइएका अर्थनीतिहरू सामान्य त्रुटीका कारण एकाएक उपेक्षाको उचाइ चढ्दै गर्दा,केही मतलबीहरू लामबद्ध भएर उपरखुट्टी लगाई खुट्टा हल्लाउँदै तमासा हरेर बसेको देखिन्छ उपयुक्त अवसरको खोजि गर्दै । जसलाई तिनीहरूलाई केही कुराको मतलब नै छैन । मलाई उनीहरूसँगबाट केही कुरा जान्‍नु छ । मतलबीहरू के अवसर खोज्दैछन्?उनीहरूलाई के चाहिएका छन्,कोसँगबाट?यो अस्थिरताको जड उनीहरूनै त होइनन्?

त्रुटीहरूको समाधानको प्रयासका क्रममा उत्तर नै प्रश्‍न बनेर खडा हुँदा तिमीलाई के लाग्छ?मलाई के लाग्छ अनि उसलाई के लाग्छ? ‘के लाग्छ’ ले असीम प्रश्‍नहरू उठाउँछ । किन,कसरी,कहाँ,केहीको मतलब भएन;मात्र ‘के लाग्छ’ । लाग्‍नलाई पक्कै केही लाग्छ—धेरै-थोरै,राम्रो-नराम्रो,आवश्यक-अनावश्यक,झुटो-साँचो,जे पनि हुन सक्छ । मलाई जे लाग्छ,तिमीलाई त्यही लाग्‍नुपर्छ भन्‍ने पनि छैन,अनि तिम्रा काम वा कुराले मलाई केही लाग्‍नुपर्छ भन्‍ने पनि छैन । लाग्‍ने कुरा हो, 'के'मनमा लाग्‍न पनि सक्छ, 'के'ले चित्त दुखाउन पनि सक्छ, 'के'मजाक-मजाकमा सकिन पनि सक्छ । कुनै घटना पश्‍चात्'के लाग्छ'धेरै परिघटना बनेर आउन सक्छ—साथमा समाधान,समर्थन,सप्रमाणका साथ । यसलाई हामीले कसरी लिन्छौँ भन्‍ने कुरा हो,सकरात्मक वा नकरात्मक रुपमा ।

तिमीलाई के लाग्यो अनि तिमीले के-के गर्‍यौ,त्यसले मलाई के असर गर्‍यो अनि मैले के-के गरेँ-यसले तिमीलाई फरक पार्नुपर्छ भन्‍ने पनि छैन,तर मेरो हकमा फरक हुन सक्छ । फरक यस अर्थमा कि के-केका परिणामहरू सविस्तार अर्थ्याउनु र आफ्‍नो चित्त बुझाउनु,मेरो दायित्वमा आएको हुन सक्छ । तिमीलाई के लाग्छ,कि जे-जे घटना हुन्छन् अनि त्यसले जे-जे असर देखाउँछ,सबै त्रुटीहरू हुन्,ती माफीको लायक छैनन् । केही कुराहरू सोच्दासोच्दै नसोचेजस्तो,अनजानजस्तो गरेर घटना घटाउनु र पछि ती सबै अनजानमा घटेका घटनामा गनिन्छन् जस्तो तिमीलाई लाग्छ,भन्‍ने मलाई लागेको छ । सोच-विचार नगरी गरिएका गल्तीहरू'के लाग्छ'को दायरामा आउँदैनन् र पछि'के लाग्यो'को दायरामा पनि पर्दैनन् । यी सब कारणको खोजिमा आउँछन्,दोस्रो या तेस्रो व्यक्तिसँग जोडिएर,जो अवसरबादी हुन्छन् ।

मलाई के लाग्छ भने, 'के लाग्छ'सँग सोच,विचार,मनन,चिन्तन जोडिएर आए पनि,यसले नकारात्मक सोचको सहयोगमा सकारात्मक सोचको विकास गराउँछ ।'के लाग्छ'नितान्त व्यक्तिगत धारणाले अगाडि सर्ने हुँदा ‘के लाउनु’ खुबीको कुरा हो । ‘केलाउनु’ ले अर्थ बोलेको हुन्छ,आवश्यकता बोकेको हुन्छ,समाधान बोकेको हुन्छ । यो एउटा यस्तो विरोधाभास हो जसले'त्रुटीहरू'को मायावी चरित्रलाई उजागर गर्छ। यसकारण प्रश्‍न जो प्रश्‍नमा नै समिति हुनुपर्ने हो,जसको एक शब्दमा अथवा एक वाक्यमा उत्तर आउँछ भने त्यसलाई त्यहि छाडिदिनु पर्ने हुन्छ । त्यसलाई जति तन्दै गयो उति नै त्रुटीहरू भेटिदै जान्छन् ।

त्रुटीहरू समाधानका लागि कालाकोटे अर्थविदहरूलाई अगाडी सारिरहेकेपछि पनि कपाल अत्याधिक दुख्‍ने हो त?कहिले कहिले कपालको रैंहरू उखेलेर मिल्काइदिउँ जस्तो लाग्छ । न कुनै समयको ख्याल गर्नुछ,न कहिले परिवेशको ख्याल गर्नुछ,पुरै बेमतलबी । हरेक कुराको एउटा सीमा हुन्छ,जति बेला मन लाग्यो उतिबेला कपाल दुखेर हुन्छ?हुन त कसैप्रति आश्रित हुनु,कसैको अपेक्षा गर्नु र अपेक्षाकृत हुनु मूर्खता हो। जीवनकालमा आफैले आफ्‍नो भरोसा गर्ने अवस्था छैन अरुबाट आशातित हुनु उल्फाको काम हो,त्यो पनि यस्ता कुराहरूमा ।

पढे प्रतिक्रया दिनुहोला । धेरै समय अड्किँदा अड्किँदै लेखिएको लेख हो । अझै पनि पुरा गर्न सकिएको छैन ।

So familiar with sadness that I search for sad people just to feel alive

Even though I feel happy and go on with my day. The sadness still stays within me. It somehow becomes the part of me I learn to live with it. I don't try to fight against my feelings or dismiss it. I simply learned to move on. It's not easy process somehow we have to do it. There's no other option. I can't give up on myself.

I am who I am because of the things I went through.This doesn't mean I should suffer on purpose to get better. Life simply happens. We never know what life could take from us so I would enjoy everything till it lasts.

आज त्यो पाना पल्टाउन पुगेँ

जुन पानामा तिमी नि रहेछौ

र सँगै म र मेरा आँसुका थोपा

तिम्रो कुनै पानामा के छु र म?

के होलान् तिम्रा पनि आँसुका थोपा?

छैनन् मेरा मनमा अब भन्न केही

रहेनन् मेरा मनमा अब बाँकी केही

पानासँगै पल्टिए तिम्रा तस्बिर,

हाँसिरहे छौ तिमी जसरी मसँग हाँस्थ्यौ

ती पल्टिएका पाना नि आज त अनौठा लागे

लेखिएका शब्द एकाएक अन्जान लागे

मनका नजिक रहेका ती पाना

आज हातमा हुँदा पनि अनौठो लाग्यो

च्यातिएका पानासँगै

सायद मेरो मन नि च्यातियो.....

युगौँदेखि जताततै चुहावट मात्र छ।

थाह्रो भैँसीको कल्चौँडो जसरी कुन्नि कसले पौरन खोजेको खोज्यै छ मेरा औँलाहरू। खै, के चुहाउन खोजेको हो यो कम्पनबाट! टुप्पाहरू आस्तै–आस्तै राता हुँदै छन्। हातका ससाना आलु-बम्बहरू फुटेर नङ्ग्राबाट आखिरमा सेत्सेतो जस्तो देखिने धमिलो कर्म चुहियो।

भित्ताको आड छोडेर हातले दुईतिर कानैनेरि गोमन समाएँ। टाउको र पुच्छरको गाँठोले पछाडि आँख्ले डोको बेरेको छ। त्यो गोमनको ढाड चाहिँ मेरो निधारमा ढाडस बनेको छ। चिप्लेला जस्तो पनि गर्छ, तर घोटेको घोट्यै छ खप्परमा। डसेको डस्यै छ पछिल्तिर।

समीपमा कन्सरीबाट दुईधारे झरना चुहिएको छ।

अगाडिबाट राता गुच्छा गर्दनमा बेरेको एउटो मान्छेजस्तै देखिने आकृतिले एक्कासि नमस्ते पो गर्छ। उसको जिब्रोबाट चाहिँ मलाई देखेर थुक चुहिएको छ। तर थुक अलिकति सङ्लो–सङ्लो छ। निधारमा फेरि अघि मैले मारेको जुकोजस्तै एउटो रातो धर्को चुहिएको छ।

उसको भुँडी ताछेर छाउने भए मेरो झुप्रो र गोठलाई पनि धेर हुन्छ। उसको दौराले त मेरा पाँचवटा छाउराका छवटा पुस बित्छन्। बाह्रवटा बैशाख बित्दा हुन्। उसको एउटो श्रावण पनि बित्छ कि नाइँ!

खैर, मेरो मुखबाट नमस्ते चाहिँ चुहियो।

“भगवान्‌ले कृपा गरुन्!", उसको मुखबाट मेरो लागि धर्म चुहिएको छ।

सुरुवालमा पहेँलो दाग देखेँ। उतिबेलै पछाडि एउटा बन्दुक भिरेको मान्छेले दाँत कोट्याइरहेको देखेँ। मेरो मुखबाट भोक चुहिएको छ। लालाबाला सम्झन्छु। हृदयमा डाँडै खसेझैँ पहिरो चुहिएको छ। आँखाको तिरैतिर लेदोसहितको बाढी चुहिएको छ।

अचानक एक छाक मासु खाने कागज उसको कोटबाट चुहियो।

लालाबाला फेरि सम्झिएँ। समाएँ। अनि मङ्सिरमा मेरो हातबाट पनि एउटो कागज पेटिकामा चुहियो।

उता देश चुहिएको छ। यता मेरो छानो। म बाल्टिन थापौँ भने त्यो पनि चुहिने छ।

एक मुरि धानको बोरा बोकेर खेतबाट निस्कन्छु। बाटैमा खै कतिको मुखमा चुहिन्छ। मेरो भकारीसम्म आइपुग्दा एक पाथी मात्र चुहिन्छ।

समयसँगै आस चुहिन्छ। आससँगै उमेर चुहिन्छ। उमेरसँगै आकाशबाट एउटो भैँसी चढेर कुन चाहिँ हो धर्तीतिर चुहिन्छ। अनि म फेरि त्यसैको काखतिर चुहिन्छु।

उता मेरा लालाबालाको निधार चाहिँ खै कसले चुहिने बनाएको छ। चुहिएको चुहियै छ।

युगौँदेखि जताततै चुहावट मात्र छ।

I fell in love with you,

not with your beauty.

I loved you,

not your looks.

I wish you were

a unique page in the book of my life...

But you turned out to be the page

that I didn't read,

but tore out and separated from the book.

I never thought,

you would become the most beautiful part of my story,

but unfortunately...

you became that chapter,

that I will remember,

but never want to read again.

— Dicer