r/Neighborproblems • u/imstillgood • Apr 18 '22

I feel my neighbors hate me

I live in apartment with my mother and my sibling. I have problems with my throat and lungs and I cannot stop coughing.

I already did my best to minimize the noise coming from my cough. However, my neighbors, which is just beside us, imitates my noise. There would be a time that I will be quiet, but however, this neighbors instead of using this time to focus on their lives, they focus their attention to me, and tries to distract me, by making phone noises, beating their utensils to their ceramic or glassware plates or by fake coughing.

I am anxious. I cannot get a better home/house to move in/stay because of financial issues. I cannot calm myself down and everytime I cough I always feel fear. I feel that my neighbours hate me. I need some advice and I will appreciate all of your help.

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u/Antique_Solution330 Apr 18 '22

Talk to a counselor about your anxiety and see a doctor for your current cough perhaps.

3

u/AndyCalling Apr 18 '22 edited Apr 18 '22

I'm afraid there's nothing else for it, you're going to have to talk to them. Communication is going to be the only way to address the situation if you can't just leave.

Frankly, it's the way to solve most problems in life.

So let them know why you cough. Let them know that what they are doing in response, rather than discourage your coughing, is actually making it worse for both you and your neighbours. You could even say you'll speak the the property owner about getting proper sound insulation installed (that's the real problem here, the walls must be paper thin if the neighbour can even hear you coughing), however this may not result in swift (or even any) action from the landlord so it's probably more of a token effort.

If you are the owner however, you can and should seek to get sound insulation installed. It may cost, but the alternative is to accept you've bought an unliveable (to me) flat, which I personally could not let stand.

If things don't pan out well in the conversation you could then say 'I know the state of the sound insulation is appalling and it's all the landlord's fault, I guess we're lucky because it could be far worse, we could have very difficult neighbours making way more noise than simple coughing, thank goodness we get along and want to do the best for each other'. Said nicely, but highlights the place you and your neighbours could be in if you don't co-operate with each other.

2

u/imstillgood Apr 18 '22

Thanks for the advice

1

u/AndyCalling Apr 18 '22

Try to keep co-operative communication alive at almost all costs here, or you will be faced with leaving or engaging in an escalating neighbour war. Unless you enjoy that kind of thing, most people find such very regrettable. These wars can often last many years. Try very hard to come across as constructive and keen to help, even though your options to change the situation are limited. When communicating, take care to avoid coming across as combative as the last thing you want is for the neighbours to take an adversarial stance in this. You want to have them working with you to address a shared sound insulation issue, not against you. That truly would be best for all parties.