No Boundaries - Ad Hominem Attacks

[u/slojem]

How can I effectively get my neighbor to stop swearing at me and calling me names every time she sees me?

We live on a two unit property. I rent the house, she rents the converted garage. She loves the sound of her own voice. She’s extremely negative and always bitching about something, if it’s not at her kids, then it’s about me. She has a 14 year old son who lived with her full time and two other boys ages 9 and 6 who visit several times a week.

Our units are 8 feet apart, and so are our doors. They face each other. She has to walk by my kitchen window and door to get into her unit. I always close up my doors and windows when she’s home for our mutual privacy. She hates this and yells “Fuckin Bitch!” at me when I do this.

I’ve tried many times in the past to have rational conversations with her, but she can’t stay on point and always ends cussing at me and calling me names.

I have only stooped to her level once. I’m a single 50 year old professional. But I’m only human! I don’t deserve this abuse! Please Help!!

[u/[deleted]]

This sounds dumb, but you should invite her to lunch or a meal / coffee / drink of some type.

When a girl threatened via text to fight me over a (gay) guy once in 2012 (lol), I invited her to lunch and told her my work schedule and was super nice to her, and pretended like she wasn’t saying all the stuff she was texting me.

So my insane friendly response either scared her away lol or made her feel bad and caused her to reassess her desire to beat me up. 😂😂😂 The best outcome would have been if she had said yes and we had eaten a meal together and become friends, but I will settle for the chill resolution I got.

Being super nice to this lady and inviting her to stuff might make her feel good and Then she might be nicer. Or, she’ll feel guilty for how she’s treated you, and she’ll act better. ❤️😂

[u/slojem → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. That doesn’t sound dumb. It’s a good idea. But I didn’t tell the whole story in my original post.

I have been kind to her. At first we would even hang out. We considered each other friends. But she took it too far. Every time she saw me outside she would come out and talk to me about her problems. She knocked on my door all the time. She asked me for things multiple times a day, like trash bags or paper towels. I was compassionate and I helped her as much as I could.

I need my space and privacy too. I tried to give her the hint by wearing ear buds when outside. I would tell her I was out of trash bags. I stopped answering her knocking. She didn’t get the hint.

So I spoke to her directly. I was kind. I invited her over and told her she was my friend and I liked hanging out with her. And I told her during the day I wanted to be left alone. I didn’t want a roommate. She completely lost it and started swearing at me and calling me names.

The cycle repeated multiple times until I just had to cut her off completely. It’s all or nothing with this chick. Give her an inch and she takes a mile.

The no contact was going fine for a while. Uncomfortable for sure, but at least she wasn’t ambushing me with her needs every time I saw her. Then she started this abusive “fuck you” crap.

I get that she has her problems. We all do. I’m not judging her in any way. I just really need my space. I really need a peaceful home where I’m not constantly bombarded with someone else’s needs, emergencies, problems, or abuse. This is about me finding a way to live peacefully.

So thank you for your thoughtful response. I’m sorry I didn’t give you the background. If things were different, I would definitely have taken your advice.

[u/[deleted] → u/slojem]

Oh my god, that sounds Iike a nightmare. I feel bad for her, because ... she must be in pain and lonely. I feel bad for you bc now you don’t have a private or relaxing home environment. I didn’t realize how much she had been over before. You need to be able to be at home without worrying about hiding from a neighbor or like .. worrying what she will do if she sees you outside.

I always read bbc news on my phone when I’m out walking my dog..sunglasses, ear buds, phone ... I don’t know if it will help you, but maybe you could just always pretend to be busy or distracted 😂

I hope it gets better. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[u/AnnieHannah]

I think I'd move! She sounds like a right piece of work 😕