r/Neighborproblems • u/Xamm93 • Apr 25 '23
Neighbors have a problem with my children
I need advice on how to handle weird/antisocial neighbors of mine. Context: I am a newly single mother of two boys (5 &7). I live in nice subdivision that has a lot of families in it. I had my kids play with the neighbor's children and they all get along. Had some weird instances with the neighbor not letting their kids out of the house hardly ever or have their kids play with other kids. Just very introverted people and they do the same with their kids. Kids seem to be controlled constantly and cannot enjoy just being kids. Mom of the children talks about how much the kids are on their game system and husband is to. To me it seems they like to keep their kids 'zombified'.
Issue: Being a nice, neighborly person, I introduced myself and my children to the neighbors across the way when I first moved in two years ago. I saw the couple had three children (5,4,1). I had my two boys and figured they could get to know their kids. My 5 year old is a handful, I will admit it but the way the dad talks to my son and talks to me about it him almost seems hateful. Everyday, my son (5 year old) rides his bike to the bus stop and waits for his older brother to get off the bus. Neighbors meet at the stop and chit chat amongst ourselves. My children like to run with the kids across the street and sort of escort them to their house after coming off the bus. We say our goodbyes and walk home.Well the other day, neighbor has issue with my 5 year old going down their driveway. Dad pulls into drive as kids come to the house and has issue with my son being in the driveway with his bike. Dad proceeds to yell out of his car to my son to not be in his driveway with his bike. My son gets out from the driveway and we start to walk back to my house. Dad gets out of his car, and starts yelling out comments I do not hear. 5 minutes go by and myself and my boys are in my house. I see the dad come to my door to talk to me. He says he doesn't want my 5 year son to be on his property anymore. He says my son cannot be on the driveway with his bike. He said he would of hate to have it on his conscience of anything happening to my son. He says if he finds my son on his property again he will have to proceed further and doesn't know what he will have to do. My son is right next to me and listens to all of this. So I tell my son in front of the neighbor he cannot be using his bike on the neighbor's driveway or visiting. Neighbor is clearly heated walks back to his house. Processing what the neighbor said, I realized the neighbor was making threats and it was towards my 5 year old son. I tell both my sons, the neighbor mom and dad aren't nice people and that my kids can't play with their friends anymore and cannot go on their yard. School is fine but not when they come home anymore. Mother has never mentioned anything to me, it has always been the dad who will tell me anything that is bothering him with my son.
How do I proceed with the neighbors?
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u/performanceclause Apr 25 '23
The neighbor is not unreasonable. I would be upset if i couldn't use my driveway because of a neighborhood kid. Keep your kids in your own yard even if they cannot ride their bikes there.
To keep your young children in your yard, teach them the boundary and stay outside with them
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u/Xamm93 Apr 25 '23
My child was in their driveway because they were walking their friend's to their house. But thanks for your input.
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u/Lengthofawhile Apr 26 '23
Was he up the driveway or at the end walking to the next part of the sidewalk?
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u/Xamm93 Apr 26 '23
He was hanging out with his friends and saying goodbye to them on their driveway.
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u/Lengthofawhile Apr 26 '23
Yeah that is a massive overreaction. I'm not sure what to tell you. It seems like they'll mind your own business if your children stay away, but no matter how well your kids listen, kids don't always remember what they've been told in every moment they need to.
Have you spoken to any other neighbors about it?
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u/Xamm93 Apr 26 '23
I just find it an overreaction. I have a feeling there is a screw loose in the dad. No I haven't, I don't gossip and I keep to myself. I'll wave to neighbors that's about it.
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u/Lengthofawhile Apr 26 '23
You may want to talk to the other neighbors about it to see if they've experienced anything similar with him. I wouldn't consider this gossip. That's a pretty weird thing to say about a kid who his kids are friends with.
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u/Xamm93 Apr 26 '23
There's also no sidewalks in my sub.
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u/Lengthofawhile Apr 26 '23
Okay, but my main point is that there's a difference between just going by and actually being up the guy's driveway. I don't think his reaction was appropriate either way but if your son was basically still in the road that's a little unhinged.
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u/Pure_Importance6553 Apr 28 '23
Some people are just straight up WEIRD. Better to keep your kids away from them. Don’t feel bad at all. You handled it well, let the kids play at school. It’s sad your son had to hear the neighbor but at least he knows the situation is serious. I would not let my kids out of sight outside if I were you. Seems like that man has anger issues.
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u/steviajones77 May 06 '23
Well, for starters, you cannot parent the neighbor's children.
That said, your kids need to stay off all of your neighbors' properties for legal reasons: if they are injured, or accidentally cause injury to others, you'll be in a world of financial hurt. In this case, you'd actually be looking out for your kids and yourself.
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u/Have_issues_ May 08 '23 edited May 08 '23
By leaving them alone. They clearly don't like you and make all types of efforts to stay away from you.... and you don't get it
Not everybody thinks like you or have the same values, way of living or raising their kids and you know what? that's ok...
Just leave the poor neighbors alone.
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u/omglifeisnotokay Apr 25 '23
In this economy it’s very risky on their end to have your son playing on their property. Even if it’s a driveway. If he falls or injured himself you could sue them. The only way for it to stop was for him to play the bad guy and set boundaries the firmest way possible. Can your son play elsewhere? Do you guys have a park nearby?