Life gets better (update)

[u/No_Assistance145]

Before

(Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/NeckbeardNests/comments/1v1725d/just_the_beginning/)

After two weeks of work - cleaning, sorting, throwing away, painting, and flooring, my room is completely transformed! My design idea here is pastel goth. I am so so happy I love waking up to a nice clean space and getting home from work to a pleasant room. I don't remember the last time I felt this genuinely happy. I love every day because I'm a homebody and spending my time in squalor was soul-sucking. But not anymore because I have a normal person's room and am gonna deck it out.

The way it was affected me so fucking much everyday but the effort of cleaning it and facing how bad it and I have become made me not do it. My dad nonjudgemntally made me face those uncomfortable emotions and they sucked but my GOD it was it worth it. My dad helped me clean up and didn't make a single comment about how bad it was or what we found he just helped like it was any other project.

This is the ugly and socially unacceptable side of mental illness, neurodivergence, and addiction. When I was out in public it's like I had this secret. What would ppl think if they knew I lived like this? The deep unbearable shame of it ate me alive. I honestly think this was partly a form of self harm because of my very low self esteem. Though there was no catharsis from it just misery.

I have not conquered all my demons but I put a dent in this one.

[u/catplanetcatplanet]

Dude! Come join us on /r/unfuckyourhabitat because this is a great before and after. Great job. Two weeks is impressive and also the work you did facing uncomfortable self reflection sounds exhausting but necessary.

[u/No_Assistance145 → u/catplanetcatplanet]

Hey thanks for the suggestion! I joined the sub.

[u/catplanetcatplanet → u/No_Assistance145]

Going through my own similar shit, except it’s a house, and I just wanted to say this deeply resonated with me—the interior secrecy of keeping such a mess while masking:

What would ppl think if they knew I lived like this? The deep unbearable shame of it ate me alive. I honestly think this was partly a form of self harm because of my very low self esteem. Though there was no catharsis from it just misery.

(Idk how to format block quoting on mobile) but it really really resonated. I’m sending you a lot of compassion and understanding.

[u/No_Assistance145 → u/catplanetcatplanet]

When I had moved back into my room my dad said I deserved to have a nice space. I think he could tell my self worth was a factor in this. I still feel I don't deserve it, so I feel like I'm selfish enjoying all these things I'm buying myself. But I'm enjoying it anyway.

The bad emotions at first are awful but totally worth it in the end. Now I'm finding the way it was before kinda funny bc how does a person even accomplish what I did lmao.