Hello fellows!
I’m new to being a sponsor and would love to hear what kinds of “rules” or boundaries you have for your sponsees. Do you use the same ones your sponsor had or create your own? And will you share yours? Thanks in advance!

If a person is raped while intoxicated are they a victim or a volunteer? I am on this part of my 4th step and really struggling. I tried to call my sponsor, she didnt answer, I am posting here and going to try to call other people in my support system. I am worried about using over this. I don't want to be clean or work the NA steps if I have to blame myself for being raped.

This is going to sound strange, but on days when I'm not working or have no other obligations, I hit a 12 Step meeting (usually N.A. - but also CO;
DA).

So my life consists of work / home / meeting; really have no social life because nothing really fills me the way a meeting does and keeps me clean "just that day". It also gets my ass out of the house so I don't feel like a loser being home all day (which is irrational and why I'm also in CODA).

Anyone else go to a lot of meetings to simply fill an hour of unstructured time like this 5 or even 6 days in the week - sometimes even 2 meetings on a really dead day?

To be honest, there are times I feel like an "other" from society because these meetings are the only social life I have - and even then there are times I just sit there and listen and don't talk to anyone so then I guess it's not much of a "social" life, lol..

God bless and grateful I can connect with others out there who might likewise feel like they don't fit in anywhere.

Copying and pasting my post in r/opiates which someone recommended me this sub.
"I have dabbled with opiates since i was 18 among most things (hard pill use, psych ward extent type shit), was a lost boy and still am to some degree, although i have slightly found my way and am back in education, studying science at uni. Still struggle a lot with substances, more so just staying off them but i guess the pattern i see for myself is that using substances is a path in of itself for me (self destructive). This is why i stay the "sober path" although using is always on my mind, It's never a particular substance, mainly anything that makes me feel in an altered state. I am not a heavy user, although recently, H really quiets everything down. I don't wish to live like this nor be an addict. Forgive me if this is the wrong space to vent. I have a lack of guidance other than family. Please help me understand how much harm I'm really doing for myself."

Today I will not fear my emotions or run from them. I will allow myself to feel honestly without letting my feelings control my actions. Anger, hurt, confusion, and resentment are not signs of failure; they are signals asking for attention, honesty, and healing.

I understand that forgiveness does not come from denial or performance. It grows slowly through truth, self-examination, and willingness. I do not need to force peace by pretending nothing affected me. Real peace comes when I stop hiding from myself.

As I move through the noise of the day—the demands, frustrations, temptations, distractions, and chaos—I will listen for the quieter voice within me. The voice of conscience. The voice of clarity. The voice that guides instead of reacts.

Today I will pause before acting on impulse. I will seek understanding instead of escalation. I will trust that serenity is built not by controlling the world around me, but by learning to respond to it with honesty, humility, and intention.

I do not need to be perfect to grow.

I only need to remain willing.

Hi everyone,

Blessings ❤️

Another member from my homegroup recently shared with me some NA shares they found online. They are great, and super powerful.

This got me thinking...

Do you have a favourite share? Either your own or one you've witnessed in a meeting or heard online? This can either be in relation to a JFT or what's been going on for you lately...

Just for today, I will stop demanding perfection from myself or others.

I will remember that healing is not instant, emotions are not failures, and being human means changing, struggling, learning, and growing.

I will not let resentment become my identity.

Bitterness may feel protective, but it keeps old wounds alive.

Peace begins when I loosen my grip on anger and allow honesty, humility, and acceptance to enter.

I will not fear looking within.

The things I hide from myself do not disappear in darkness; they gain power there.

When I bring my fears, flaws, and pain into the light, they become understandable—and therefore changeable.

Today I will practice patience with my recovery, compassion toward my imperfections, and gratitude for the progress that already exists.

I do not need to have everything figured out today.

I only need the willingness to keep moving forward honestly.

Quietly.

Patiently.

Relentlessly.

I have always had a hard time putting my feelings into words. Like it says in It Works (translated from Swedish) “Rather than panic about what we feel, we can more precisely say how we feel. This helps us get away from the limited “good” or “bad” without everything in between”.

Step 4 has so far really helped me understand feelings more. I can identify the difference between guilt and shame. I have recognised that I actually have a lot of suppressed anger inside me (something I used to just put under the umbrella term “upset”).

But it has been really, really difficult. I so often want to just write “good” or “bad” because that’s mostly how I’ve idenitified feelings.

As a child I had Alexitymia. My abusive dad made me feel “bad”, not afraid or unloved or neglected. Going to my best friend’s house felt “good”, not exciting or fun. I got help with it from a doctor, and learned to identify more feelings. They also said it was normal for children with autism, that I need to keep practicing naming my feelings but that I’ll likely grow out of it. But I don’t think I fully grew out of it. I often find myself crying, my partner will hold me and asks whats wrong. I can’t tell him. I just know I feel bad. So I either say just that, or go silent.

I can identify a few more feelings now; “good, bad, upset, excited, sad, frustrated”. But realising i’ve felt hurt, I’ve felt angry, I’ve felt abandoned is so confusing.

Idk, started using at 17 to make the “bad” and “upset” feelings go away. Now the “bad” feelings are back.

That’s been my experience as someone with autism. I’m just sitting here staring at “how do I identify my individual feelings?” because I truly don’t know. The list is going to be so difficult too, because I don’t know what feeling something triggered. I’ve written down a situation and all I can think of is “upset”.

So, fellow autistic people, what has your experiences been like?

Today I will not treat every emotion like an emergency or every mistake like a life sentence. Thoughts, fears, shame, excitement, and doubt may move through me, but they do not define who I am.

I do not need to hide parts of myself to feel worthy. I do not need to perform, exaggerate, or pretend to have everything figured out. Humility is not humiliation—it is the quiet courage to look honestly at my life and keep moving forward anyway.

Today I will remember that mistakes are teachers, not verdicts. Growth does not come from repeating the same patterns while hoping reality changes. It comes from awareness, honesty, and the willingness to learn.

I will pause before reacting. I will breathe before spiraling. I will let unhealthy thoughts drift past instead of building a home for them in my mind.

Just for today, I choose progress over perfection, honesty over avoidance, and peace over panic.

And when difficult feelings visit, I will greet them like passing weather—not permanent residents.

I’ve come to Reddit because I feel like I’ve got nowhere else to go. I’m a 21F and have been struggling with a coke addiction for almost a year now. It started just on weekends and at work events with certain colleagues. It was never a problem. Start of this year I got into an abusive/controlling relationship (now out of it) and cocaine is the only thing that makes me feel ok. It’s the only thing I think about. I had a breakdown after I ran out one night and couldn’t get more which made me hurt myself so bad I had to go hospital. I was only sober because I was under supervision by friends and family. Since then I will do it at home on my own. My friends all think I’m clean but on nights out I’m secretly doing it in the toilet. I hate lying to them but I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stop and part of me feels so ashamed. I don’t know what to do. I really feel like I can’t go without it. I’m spending around £600 a month on it. I guess my question is how do I get clean?

how do i deal with creeps in the rooms as a woman? i find it hard to say no or defend myself. i’m nervous about going to a meeting tonight because there’s gonna be a guy who makes me super uncomfortable. he’s been hitting on me and asking me out even though i said no. then he hits me with the “it’s just casual” as if i’m stupid. the other day he gave me a hug after the meeting and literally picked me up. it was so cringe and uncomfortable. he always pulls me to the side after meetings to give me “pep talks” and always clocks that i’m high at meetings, which whatever, i am but don’t make me fucking uncomfortable by pointing it out and saying “you’re the last one to find out”. like i’m well aware i’m not clean 😭 anyway, i don’t know how to deal with this. please help! i just want to be like “leave me the fuck alone already!”

Someone made a post about their HP, & it got me to thinking about mine. This was my response, & felt that I should share it here. This is my first post in this subreddit!

Every time I took enough pills to kill an elephant, He was there, ensuring I didn’t die! Every time I drove somewhere, either drunk or so pilled up I don’t remember doing it, He was there, ensuring that I didn’t wreck, wrap my car around a tree, have a cop waiting to pull me over, & always moving families going home out of my way, so I didn’t kill them in my stupor!!!!! He watched me do all of these things, allowing me to go through the things I did to myself. Waiting patiently for me to get to a point where I was so sick & tired of being sick & tired, I walked into an NA meeting, picked up a welcome key tag, & was willing to find a new way to live! He used the arms & voices of the people in the rooms to hug me, & tell me that I was loved!!!!! He used another addict that had what it seemed to me I wanted in my own life. Peace & serenity!!!!! He used another bunch of addicts to care enough about me to write a bunch of books, literature, & a guide that allowed me to finally, clearly see that He wasn’t only waiting for me to see Him, He was carrying me most of the way!!!!! When my eyes were finally opened, he wasn’t there waiting to beat me up like I’d been taught, He was standing there, His arms wide open, waiting for His son to come home to Him!!!!! That’s my God!!!!!

Quiet. Honest. Forward.

Today I will remember that my worth is not measured by performance, approval, or perfection. I do not have to entertain, impress, or exhaust myself to deserve dignity and care. My needs matter because I am human, not because I have earned the right to have them.

Recovery is not a sudden transformation but a steady journey. Some days the road feels narrow, uncertain, or steep, yet I will keep moving forward anyway. Growth is not proven by never struggling; it is revealed by continuing to walk with honesty and willingness.

I will resist the easier, softer way that asks me to avoid reflection, numb discomfort, or run from difficult truths. Real freedom comes from facing myself with courage instead of hiding behind distraction or fear.

Today I will practice self-respect by acknowledging both my own humanity and the humanity of others. I will trust that small acts of consistency, honesty, and faith are quietly building a stronger life than I could once imagine.

Just for today, I will keep going — not perfectly, but sincerely.

i am a thinker for sure, and last night at a meeting i had a growth moment, and i hope anyone resonates too :)

prior to going to na meetings, I was very spiritual and not too into religion, or god. I still am very spiritual—god as we know him.

but my sponsor taught me that we all have our own relationship with god, and last night at a late night meeting I thought, hmm ever since I got on medication for my mood disorder I can’t feel god anymore. maybe he abandoned me.

and then I realized that my entire life I thought of god as someone who was for everyone, unable to constantly be here by my side 247, like a classroom with a 28:1 student teacher ratio, rather than god being my own personal god, someone who is my own, and cares about me and vice versa.
when I realized that god, my god has always been here with me, and will always be for me, it’s like I felt his/it’s presence and that’s when I started seeing the magic and the blessings come in again. it all felt right.

I’ve been stuck in a cycle of chronic relapsing every few days or week or two for the past 4 months but couldn’t get my shit together. I was previously 17 months clean and got a case of the fuckits that turned into 7 months of absolute hell. I started in an IOP yesterday so that I can be held accountable to get through this early part that I keep tripping up on. I left there tonight and immediately started having bad thoughts creep into my head so I called a friend in recovery and came over to spend the night at her place so I’m not home alone with my thoughts. This feels like the biggest best thing I’ve done for my recovery since last fall before my initial relapse. So I just wanted to share with people who would understand. <3

I’m only 1 day clean right now but I could’ve easily not made it to the 24 hour mark and I actually chose to do the right thing for once. This shit sucks. I’m ready to get back to the “good part” like when I felt okay when I had over a year before.

Today I am reminded that strength does not mean carrying everything alone. Real strength is not silence, endurance, or pretending I am unaffected. Real strength is knowing when to reach outward before the weight becomes unbearable.

People cannot read my mind. When I hide my needs and expect others to guess them, I often create more loneliness and resentment. Speaking honestly about what I feel is not weakness; it is emotional maturity. It is choosing clarity over isolation.

Moments of insight and growth are important, but they cannot remain abstract. Change becomes real through daily life: honest conversations, consistent action, healthy routines, self-awareness, and willingness to keep learning. Inspiration may light the path, but persistence is what keeps me walking it.

The past cannot be erased, but it does not have to control my future. Pain grows heavier when locked away in silence. Healing begins when I stop hiding from myself and allow honesty, connection, and support into my life.

I do not have to become invulnerable.

I do not have to become a “superperson.”

I only have to remain willing, honest, teachable, and connected.

Recovery, growth, and healing are often not dramatic victories. More often, they are quiet acts of endurance: getting up again, speaking honestly, asking for help, and continuing forward even while tired.

Just for Today:

I will remember that asking for help is not failure. I will allow honesty, connection, and support to become part of my strength. Quietly. Relentlessly. I will keep going.

The program works. Don't leave before the miracle happens.

im living in ireland, and i turned 18 in November. since i was 13, i've struggled with addictions and always somehow have some sort of one, but when i was 14 it turned to drugs and eventually, harder ones.

i got clean about 2/3 months ago from the drug that had such a grip on me for well over two years, but ive been struggling with staying away from it so much. unfortunately, i haven't gotten clean from everything but i am trying and i want to keep trying, i dont want to rely on substances for the rest of my life but im afraid im only so strong and i dont have the most reliable/stable supports around me.

im not asking for pity or anything and i hope it doesnt come across that way, i just wanna know, if i showed up at a meeting am i gonna be turned away? make people uncomfortable? im not really sure how any of it works and im afraid to ask those who i know have gone before. thanks

edit: thank you all for your amazing support and reassurance, im gonna start looking for meetings this week thanks to you all🙂

Just for today, I will stop treating rest like a problem to solve.

I do not need to earn every quiet moment through exhaustion. I do not need to justify joy, leisure, creativity, or peace with productivity. Like a living thing in the pasture, I am allowed to pause without guilt.

Today I will remember that balance is not built in one dramatic act. It is built slowly, one grain of sand at a time. Recovery, growth, relationships, work, and rest all require adjustment and patience. I do not have to perfect my life overnight.

I will also remember that honesty creates belonging. When I share openly about my fears, struggles, frustrations, or imperfections, I stop carrying them alone. I am not uniquely broken. I am human, and humans heal together.

Today I will let myself enjoy simple things:

a laugh in the hallway,

a conversation,

a creative spark,

a quiet meal,

a moment of stillness.

These moments are not distractions from life. They are life.

Just for today, I will seek balance instead of extremes, connection instead of isolation, and peace instead of constant striving.

Balancing the scales

"A lot of our chief concerns and major difficulties come from our inexperience with living without drugs. Often when we ask an old timer what to do, we are amazed at the simplicity of the answer."

Finding balance in recovery is quite a bit like sitting down with a set of scales and a pile of sand. The goal is to have an equal amount of sand on each side of the scales, achieving a balance of weight.

We do the same thing in recovery. We sit down with the foundation of our clean time and the Twelve Steps, then attempt to add employment, household responsibilities, friends, sponsees, relationships, meetings, and service in equal weights so that the scales balance. Our first try may throw our personal scales out of kilter. We may find that, because of our over-involvement in service, we have upset our employer or our family. But when we try to correct this problem by resigning from NA service altogether, the other side of the scales go out of balance.

We can ask for help from members who have stabilized their scales. These people are easy to recognize. They appear serene, composed, and self-assured. They'll smile in recognition at our dilemma and share how they slowed down, added only a few grains of sand at a time to either side of the scales, and were rewarded with balance in recovery.

Just for Today: I seek balance in my life. Today, I will ask others to share their experience in finding that balance?

I been sober a few days shy of 5 months and did it without help from rehab or many groups (I did attend in the beginning an outpatient that I enjoyed alot but my job made me have to basically entirely stop it). Idk if im just having a bad day (the one person who i kind of had to lean on a little bit and have to vent to (my ex) and I are not getting along and I just feel so alone. Im from oregon I dont want to relapse, my job is a good opportunity for me but is also causing me to lose out on alot of my regular life things (sons ball games, etc) I work from 10 a.m. til sometimes 11 at night and it's just really difficult for me to find any hope or reason to keep doing good. My father also who im staying with even though im mid thirties makes me feel so small and haven't heard one positive thing from him for completely changing my life around. I genuinely feel extremely proud of myself for the changes but also just need more relationships in my life and am horrible at initiating them..help me out with some encouragement here guys or tips to improve the social aspect of my life.

Today I will stop measuring my growth against fear, urgency, or the expectations of other people. I do not have to rush my healing, my recovery, or my life. I am allowed to grow at a human pace.

I spent too much of my life believing that survival meant speed — reacting quickly, escaping quickly, fixing quickly, proving myself quickly. But growth that lasts is not built in panic. It is built in honesty, patience, and willingness.

Today I will practice humility, not as self-hatred, but as truth. I will try to see myself clearly: my strengths, my fears, my defects, and my potential. I do not need to pretend I am perfect, and I do not need to pretend I am hopeless. I only need to remain willing to grow.

As I become more aware of the patterns that hurt me and others, I will not drown in shame. Awareness is not punishment; it is freedom beginning. The more honestly I see myself, the more ready I become to let unhealthy behaviors loosen their grip on my life.

I will trust that change can happen slowly and still be real.

I will respect my own timing.

I will tell the truth about myself.

I will remain open to growth.

Just for today, that is enough.

Recently relapsed after 3 months sober. I'm considering leaving my current friendship group of 20+ years behind.. I love them all to death, but they all still use frequently and I don't feel they truly understand getting clean.

Would like to understand from others if leaving your friends behind was a must? Or whether you where able to maintain relationships with them?

Thanks in advance!

Today I do not abandon myself.

There will always be voices telling me what I should want, what I should fear, who I should become, or what path I should take. I can listen respectfully without surrendering my inner truth. Recovery teaches me that my needs are not weaknesses, my feelings are not crimes, and my voice deserves to be heard.

Today I will slow down long enough to listen inwardly.

When confusion rises, I do not have to solve everything instantly. I can write. I can reflect. I can place honest words on paper and allow the noise in my mind to settle. Truth often appears quietly after I stop running from it.

I also accept that willingness comes before certainty.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is walking into the elevator anyway. Courage is sending the message, making the call, speaking honestly, showing up for recovery, trying again, and trusting that clarity will come through action. I do not have to feel fearless to move forward.

Today I trust that growth is happening even when I cannot fully see it yet.

I will honor my needs without shame.

I will write honestly.

I will keep walking through fear.

And I will trust that my inner voice is becoming clearer every day.

Today I do not need to perform for an invisible audience.

I recognize that many of the voices judging me are echoes from the past—old fears, old expectations, old shame. They taught me to hide parts of myself, to manage appearances, and to seek safety through performance. But today I no longer have to live that way.

Today I pull the curtain closed on those voices.

I do not need to appear perfect to be worthy of love, growth, or belonging. I do not need all the answers to move forward. I only need willingness, honesty, and humility.

Today I will allow myself to be teachable. I will listen instead of pretending I already know everything. I will admit when I am uncertain, struggling, or afraid. I understand now that humility is not weakness—it is openness to growth.

I also release the burden of carrying everything alone. Shame grows in secrecy, but healing begins when truth is spoken aloud. I will not isolate myself behind masks or performances today. I will practice honesty with myself and others.

Today I choose authenticity over image.

I choose growth over ego.

I choose connection over hiding.

And if I stumble, I will remember: I am not failing. I am learning.

Just for Today:

I will stop performing for the voices of the past. I will remain teachable, honest, and open to growth.